- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I am an avid message board reader but very rarely (read: never) write to them, but I’ve been following this site since I got engaged a little over a month ago and you guys always give such great advice. I was hoping you could dole some of you bee-tastic wisdom my way. Most of this is me venting, but I welcome all opinions…anything to help me stop fretting over this!
I am a 25 year old newly engaged (I love seeing that written) college student who is super excited to spend the rest of her life with a man who worships me (and I love him with all my heart). When we started dating, we kept it very mum; we didn’t tell anyone for at least six months. We work together so we share a lot of the same friends. Cut to almost six years later, he proposes and we are overjoyed with excitement. He couldn’t wait to tell people, but I had told him that I wanted to enjoy the secretiveness of the moment. Our engagement is something for us, it’s our moment, and I didn’t really want everyone jumping in before I had a chance to digest the magnitude of being engaged. Don’t get me wrong; I was giddy, uncontainable, and immediately started daydreaming how great our lives would be together. My dilemma was that I wanted family to know before friends. Our families are small, but scattered, so it took about a week to get everyone notified. Fiance didn’t realize my plan and told TWO people at work (a friend of mine from high school and my FI’s boss), but I asked him not to share with anyone else and he agreed.
Our friends have known about our relationship for a long time, and everyone knew it was inevitable that we would get married (or so they say). After our families were notified and my Fiance started telling our male co-workers/friends, he was met with huge hugs, boisterous handshakes, back slapping, and all the things you would expect. So I go to tell some female co-workers/friends (more friends than co-workers) and I get met with disinterested “Oh, that’s nice. Now I will complain about things in my life.” I understand that I wanted a quiet engagement, but even a simple “congratulations” or even feigned interest would be better than being blown off. So I sat on it for a few days and then invited two of my friends over to my house for drinks and chats. One blew me off (no phone call, no e-mail, just straight up no show). After we downed a bottle of wine and some good food, I opened up to her about how hurt my feelings were. When she was planning her wedding, she always wanted to talk about it and I always acquiesced. She apologized and said it was because she had already known since the friend who my Fiance told blabbed it to EVERYONE and basically everyone was pissed because they didn’t hear it from us for a week, and she didn’t know how to feign surprise. Then she asked a few questions about our plans and when I mentioned we were thinking of a courthouse wedding for insurance purposes she went off on how I shouldn’t get married, because marriage changes people and that what seems like a good relationship will sour once we wed (quick backstory for her: she just ended her marriage because her husband “changed” after marriage). I am under the belief that, regardless of how your marriage is, telling a newly engaged woman who has been dating the same guy without ANY issues for almost six years that her marriage will end in failure is not cool.
I don’t want to seem like no one is excited for me. I had one friend who almost drove her car off the road when I told her about the engagement. I’ve had others scream and get giddy (I guess that’s the response I’ve been looking for), but these are all people I’ve just started to get close with. The people I’ve known for years, the women that are closely linked to me and my Fiance (co-workers, spouses of our mutual friends) aren’t giving me ANY positive reaction. My Fiance is a great guy. He has some baggage, but don’t we all? No one has had any issue with our relationship for the past five years (six this October), why is it now that we are “official” all my female friends are jumping ship? I understand that people in my daily life don’t want to hear about my wedding, it just doesn’t matter to them. I guess I just have unrealistic expectations for how my friends would react. Maybe because their unhappy in their marriages they can’t feign happiness for mine (all the women who are giving me the slip are either newly divorced or in LONG relationships without marriage/proposals).
Sorry for the vent, it feels good to let it out!