Post # 1
i stumbled across this board and have found it beneficial when I need a lil pick me up. I read posts about waiting Bees in 1 or 2 year relationships giving ultimatums and I wonder…where are all the long term relationship waiting Bees at? Whats your story, and in stead of making this a negative and whiny post….let’s be positive on some of the nice aspects of waiting, especially after being with someone for so long…and how do you deal with pressures from family and friends?
Ill start…been with SO for 6 years…3.5 long distance…we live together now. Of course families are always asking the obvious questions like when is he going go propose etc…but I think the hardest part of this process is seeing ALL of my friends get engaged to people they met recently (1-2 yrs) and seeing them plan weddings etc. I can’t help but feel a little jealous….but I just keep reminding myself that my day will come and it will be just as special to me as it was for them. Sometimes it feels like Ive been waiting forever….but I am definitely happy to be a relationship with a man I love and know and trust completely.
Hopefully this thread can help some of us more impatient bees out!
Post # 2
I’m not waiting anymore, but we were together 4 years when we got engaged, it’ll be 6 when we get married.
I remember that feeling. Watching everyone get engaged, plan, get married (as for kids, we have a 2 yo & my 13 yo). It was awful. I tried so hard to be happy at friends weddings and showers, and in my own relationship. I just kept truckin’ and reminding myself that he told me he wanted to marry me eventually, and he knew my ring preference. We talked once, about all of it, then I dropped it. My Fiance cannot be pushed. He had his own ideas and I don’t regret for a second letting him do things his way. I got a beautiful proposal and a ring to die for, plus I got the man of my dreams.
I know my post isn’t totally on topic, but I hope it gives some of the waiting bees a bit of encouragement. Some men just march to their own damn beat!
Post # 3
We are at 5 1/2 year. I will have a ring hopefully a few months before our 7 year mark as long as everything goes as planned. This year has been really hard because I have been very bitter and angry about waiting, but I am finally starting to enjoy my time with the BF because when I look back when I’m married I don’t want to remember being angry. I want to be happy and smiling.
Post # 4
I’ve been with my guy for almost 6 years. Actually I think he’s going to propose on our 6 year anniversary (which is on September 9th). I was also surprised by the bees who were with their SOs only one or two years and already itching to get engaged. I have always been a cautious and objective person. I knew I would never marry someone until I had been with them for a long time. I also don’t want kids, so I think that’s important (b/c I don’t have a bio clock/family planning to deal with- I’m 27 years old). I’ve only felt really ready to marry in the last 6 months or so. It was definitely love at first sight for me, but love never equalled marriage in my eyes. For me marriage was a bigger committment, love happens to you, but marriage is something you promise and choose. I live in NYC, so none of my friends my age are married, but I grew up in a rural midwest place where everyone is married by 22 and has kids by 25. I know my friends there are much more marriage conscious/want it to happen really soon! I suspect I will be engaged within the month, and married within the next year or so. We will be the first of our friend group. I think the next will be our couple friends who have been together for 3 years. Based on my guy friend, he said he wants to propose in the next year or so.
Post # 5
So true!! My SO marches to his own beat and it will be his way and on his timeline…but I trust it and know that when my time comes it will be worth it. If you get so caught up in being resentful it will ruin that special moment when it does arrive!! Swonderful I am 28 so we are close to the same age. Happy early anniversary!!
Post # 6
We just got engaged after 10+ years together. I wanted to get engaged after 7 years and was really upset when he told me he wasn’t ready. We were 23. Now we’re 26 and getting engaged felt really natural, like the timing was perfect.
Post # 7
Not waiting anymore, but we were together for 7 years before we got engaged. We always talked about it, knew we’d get there eventually, but we wanted to get to a good place financially so we could afford the wedding & honeymoon we wanted. During the 7 years, we were in college, graduated, got good jobs, and were able to save up for our future.
Post # 8
I’ve been with my SO for 5 years and have been bringing up marriage stuff for the past year. I don’t think he really got the hint until about amonth n ahalf ago. We had a really long marriage conversation and then went to all the jewelry stores in the mall to look at rings. I was so flippin excited. 2 weeks later we went looking again and then he even said he was getting all excited in the store. He had ahuge grin on his facethe whole time. I just recently askedtogoback to 1 specific store to try on 2 rings so that I can decide which onei like the best. Well he got all huffy puffy n said no more jewerly stores. So maybe he bought it already? Or maybe I’m driving him crazy. Lol
Either way….while waiting I just cherish the time we do get to spend together since right now we don’t live together. That will change hopefully before next summer though. I also pass the time by posting on this forum, pinning on my wedding board on pinterest, and selecting faves in my wedding faves on etsy.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
Totally know where youre coming from! We were together for 3 1/3 year when he proposed. It seemed like everyone was saying that if he doesn’t “know” by 3 years, something is wrong. But my guy was just waiting for the right time- he wanted to have his “big kid” full-time job before he popped the question, and he did so 1 month after he got the job.
He was being traditional (wanted to “provide for” me!). I definitely thought it was annoying from time to time, but after I got over it, it was actually pretty cute 🙂
Post # 10
Our 5th year dating anniversary will be next week. I’ve had 2 friends who got engaged and broke off their engagement in this time, 2 friends that got married, 2 friends that had kids, and of course, all those FB “friends” that get engaged every other week.
In this waiting time, SO and I really got to know each other. We can talk about pretty much anything and everything. We trust each other, and we’re each other’s best friend. We really went from relying on other people to relying on each other. We also learned to be away from each other. We learned that coming home to each other is the best, and that it is also okay to spend time with others and grow as individuals.
I’m not sure when we will be “officially” engaged. We’re very restricted financially, so in the meantime, we’re just making our relationship as strong as it can be.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard
I’m here! We’ve been together for 6 years, and I was ready after 2 years of dating. I have to say I feel more ready now than I did after 2 years, and 2 years would be a minimum amount of time I’d want to be with someone before making that commitment.
The good thing about being together so long is that I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I am ready to make this commitment, we both feel the same way and know that we know with 100% certainty what we are getting ourselves into and that if we’ve managed to stay together this long happily without any breaks, that marriage and a vow til death do us part won’t be a problem.
Honestly, the fact that I’m antsy and tired of waiting to get engaged is our only relationship problem is a pretty good deal. He wanted to wait until we move into the house he bought (currently renovating), and the progress is coming along very quickly now with a hopeful completion date of this Christmas. So I anticipate we get engaged by the end of 2014. People often tell me “why wait until the house is done?” Well I don’t really mind getting a completely renovated house and a diamond ring at the same time, I’m not going to complain about that!
It also helps me deal with the long wait, that most of the people we know have really crappy marriages/relationships, so it makes me appreciate the fact that my boyfriend is a better “husband” to me than most actual husbands are to their wives. We also joke that when people ask us why we’re not married yet, that “we’re not ready for that 2 or 3 year commitment yet” because the divorce rate is so high. I think it’s a bit ridiculous when people start freaking out after a year or two less of dating, but I guess I was only 20 when I met my boyfriend and I wasn’t as antsy about it then since I was still in college/preparing for my career. I’m sure if we broke up and I was in my 30’s I wouldn’t want to wait past 2 years since I don’t want to deal with infertility issues. So it really all depends.
Either way I don’t regret the wait and I no longer feel resentful to him making me wait. Hopefully it happens in the next few months (ring is picked out and we got my finger sized) otherwise I might be telling a different story…
Post # 12
Hey there! Me and my SO have been together for over 4 1/2 years (seems like nothing compared to most of you) and 3 of those were long distance. We have been discussing marriage heavily now that we’re back in a geographical location we’ll be staying in for awhile. He has reassured me time and again that he wants to marry me, “soon.” Still not sure what that means but I’m giving him until our 5th anniversary in February before we have another “talk.” Hopefully it will happen before then, though. We’ve been looking at rings lately.
Post # 13
My SO and I have been together for 9 yrs. I have been waiting for 5. I was ready at 4 years and was willing to give him to 5yrs b/c he had been married before and I thought that 5 was more than enough time to reconsider marriage. (guess I was off a bit there! lol) I had never pushed it, in fact I went thru a why even bother stage, but I am back full circle to the point of it being really important to me, especially in regards of benefiary/health decisions. We lost a friend in childbirth this year at 30 yrs old and it really opened up my eyes to the importance of being legally bound in those aspects. I have told him that I think that it’s only fair that we are engaged by our 10yr anniversary ( I don’t think i’m being unfair here!) He has been very responsive to it, stating that he never bothered b/c he thought we were happy the way we were (such a man response!) Which is true, but I also want the benefits of marriage. We live the smarried (single-married) life, I feel that I should reep the benefits as well.
On a good note, I do feel for the first time that an engagement is even a possibility in the near future, which is a HUGE step.
Post # 14
I’ve been with my SO for 9 years too! And I totally hear you about the 10 year anniversary thing. I plan on being ok if it doesn’t happen until then, but I swear at 12:01 am the next day if it hasn’t happened I’m gonna be livid! lol
I remember telling my SO that we needed to have a serious talk about marriage once we hit 3 years and he said, “Well maybe if you didn’t mention it for 3 years!” That will never happen but I am trying to do my best in the shutting up category at the moment so that he can plan a proposal without me ruining it by asking every 5 seconds if he’s gonna do it!
My friends are all married/engaged and his friends are not so he isn’t thinking about it. It is a little hard seeing all the couples who have been together less time than we have get engaged. But I think most “waiting” bees feel that way.
Chins up ladies, it will happen!
Post # 15
Been together unofficially 5+ years, officially 5 years in January. We’ve been living together for over 4 years and have a dog together.
It’s been tough lately watching other people getting engaged. Of course SO doesn’t understand why other peoples’ engagements affect my mood. *le sigh*