(Closed) Where are the childfree by choice ladies?!

posted 6 years ago in No Kids
Post # 166
Member
7426 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

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MarriedToMyWork:  Her statement of being a parent is a mindless way of living is just as universal.

Post # 167
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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Cory_loves_this_girl:  She said, “there is absolutely nothing about child rearing that appeals to me. To think that for the rest of my life I’d have to care for another human being just sounds so mindless.” In a different post this is followed up with, “I feel that parenting is a mindless way to spend my life. That’s not to say I don’t respect someone who feels differently.. Its just not for me.”

She is not attempting universality in her claim; she is merely talking about her own subjective understanding of how she wishes to live her life.  Why are you so bothered that it doesn’t line up with your own?  I think that this is what a few people are having difficulty understanding: the prickly responses from some of the CBC folks on this thread aren’t because you chose to have a kid–I really don’t think most of us care, as it’s your choice, not ours–the prickly responses are due to the fact that people just have to constantly tell women who feel this way that we’re wrong or misguided or victims of some false consciousness who will eventually see the light of BABIES!!!1111 and all that.

Again, are we in all the parenting/babies/motherhood threads telling you all that you’re crazy and throwing your lives away?  No–so why are we not accorded the same basic courtesy?

Post # 168
Bee
11808 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

Another reminder to keep this thread on topic so I don’t have to close it. The OP is looking for other CBC ladies to talk to, not for an us vs. them argument.

Post # 169
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Cory_loves_this_girl:  You’re still going eh?….

There’s nothing universal about continuously using the statements ME and I. MY feelings are MY feelings, to ME parenting a child sounds like a mindless way to spend MY life. I wish to live MY life bettering MYSELF and learning new things, much of which would be pushed aside if a child were in the picture. I’ve not once generalized the way I feel to insult parents, children do not fit into the vision I have for MY life and I feel that MY intelligence would be better suited for things other than child-rearing.

MY feelings about MY life have nothing to do with you or your decision to procreate, nor is it an attack on parenting in general.

Post # 170
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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sassy411:  We have a German Shepard too! She’s actually my FI’s, so I call her my future stepchild 🙂

Post # 171
Member
9160 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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MarriedToMyWork:  I think the building code changes came about because of two main factors that are kind of interlinked. The first being that we are starting to get a bit like the USA with being sue happy and therefore regulations and licencing were an easy way to regulate things to protect businesses/organisations/individuals. Due to this councils/government saw an opportunitiy to create revenue with permits and the like.

The art thing is so funny. We had a local artist get commissioned to create an image for a governemnt building around the theme of the modern aboriginal. they gave her pretty broad strokes and free reign over the design. then they were disappointed that she did something more modern rather than a traditional dot painting that the are sold to tourist. Not that dot paintings are even from this region. I don’t envy you being in the art sphere. it is just so subjective.

Post # 172
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am child free by choice.

I’ve never had the desire to procreate for as long as I can remember. I have no materinal instinct. I am selfish and I am okay with that.

My job in law enforcement reinforces all of the above.

I enjoy my life with my Fiance and dogs. I like being able to drop everything and go somewhere on a whim. 

I am also comfortable in saying I dislike children. So, when asked about my choice, I don’t stammer on with the ‘but I like kids’ … 

I have nothing to prove about my life choices. I just live. 🙂

Post # 173
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I cannot definitively call myself CBC, but I am leaning very strongly in that direction. I’ve known since the age of 5 I would not have biological children (by choice). The idea appalled me, both physically and because there are so many children without homes. While growing up I was sure I was going to adopt, but the older I get the less and less I want any children. I enjoy the lifestyle I have. I like that I can plan a spontaneous weekend in Vegas with Fiance and just leave a key with a friend to check in on our cat. I get no emotional reaction when seeing small children the way it seems most women my age do. Show me a picture of a puppy or a kitten, however, and my immediate response is “It’s a baby!!”

Post # 174
Member
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m CBC. I like other people’s kids just fine. Just don’t want one of my own. I’m completely uninterested. To me, having a child is like having a motor home: great for you if it makes you happy, but I’ve got no interest. It doesn’t make me selfish and it doesn’t mean I’m going to be lonely when I get old. 

Post # 175
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Im CBC. Ive known for years. I like the freedom and the ability to apply myself completely to my job. I go to conferences every month, enjoy just taking advantage of nice weather spontaneously to go kayaking or rock climbing, weekend trips across the area are nice when we find a good deal or just someplace we want to go. Ill be starting my online masters degree which im so excited. Ive always known what i wanted and developing my career is one of those. Im currently training in 3 departments other than my own for emergencies so life is hectic and often comes home. DH and i are thrilled with our choice to be CBC and our friends and families have started to come around that it was a perfect choice for us. 

Post # 176
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m not CBC. I thought I was for many years,  but went through a period if being unsure. I’m now just “childfree” and my Fiance is supportive. I’d also welcome a CBC board on WB. Posting CBC topics in various boards conceals the large number of CBC women on WB. As someone who doesn’t fall into the CBC or parenting camp, I think a space for CBC women would be a valuable addition.

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MaggieF:  your response a few pages ago was really thoughtful and rational. I think that CBC couples often experience a lot of vitriol thrown at them, so even if that wasn’t apparent in this thread, it is something that many feel the need to prematurely guard against.

Post # 177
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Fiance and I don’t plan to have children. We live a lifestyle that’s not compatible with being parents.  Part of our decision is based on my health problems.  I am simply unwilling to stop taking meds for a chronic condition that are not super safe during pregnancy.

Edit: sorry for the underline. Crazy tablet. I can’t fix it.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by  BradysBee.
Post # 178
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

Never have I been more sure about being CBC. 

We are presently vacationing in Florida so we are spending more than normal amount of time at restaurants.

one of the many reasons for not wanting a child has to do with the majority of men I’ve seen,losing interest and that connection with their spouse.

we went to a nice dinner two nights ago, I couldn’t help but watch a woman and her two children, and Husband ( I assume) . If that poor lady got to eat anything it was very little. While the man sat there barely even tuned in she chased, feed , tried to keep control, wiped dirty faces, dealt with the ordering of the meals , by the time she left she loôked completely worn out while the man rubbed his belly and walked out ahead of her and the kids, I don’t get it..

 

tonight we went to crabby bills,, casual dining few jugs of beer, in comes a beautiful young woman all dressed up with her hair and makeup done she looked lovely, again with husband( I assume) and one little boy. 

Again the man sits back looking at all the women coming and going, barely notices his young wife or son, texts a lot of the time, the young woman was trying so hard to engage him into the world of her and the little boy but he had no interest at all, it was sad to watch actually, she looked like she was trying to be the perfect little wife and mother trying her best to be beautiful for her man and he would rather look anywhere than at her,,every time the kid squirmed or acted out she rushed to take control while he shook his head,  I couldn’t help but watch because I felt sad for her,

I’m glad I’m CBC,,

Post # 179
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

<- CBC in the house! Because I love kids, I decided I didnt want to be a mom unless I could give parenting my all. Since I have a career I love, I decided I would not be the kind of parent I would want to be. So, CBC it is. I am soon to become a step mom and I am very much looking forward to that. That way I get to mentor a new generation but still know my place.

Post # 180
Member
21 posts
Newbee

I’m kind of bummed that there’s so much bad feeling in this thread, but I want to thank everyone who gave thoughtful replies.

I’m personally on the fence, as is Fiance, and it’s been helpful for me to read the reasoning and experiences of the CBC folks here. I guess my greatest fear is that I’d be CBC through my fertile years and then regret it at some point in the future, but then again I suppose it’s possible to regret any decision you make in life.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by  romola.

The topic ‘Where are the childfree by choice ladies?!’ is closed to new replies.

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