Where are you from and what is the norm?

posted 2 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 16
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m from Toronto but Indian background. 

Our weddings and bridal showers are massive and huge parties. My shower had like 65 people and was extravagant. 

My wedding was considered small as I didn’t want it to be huge and we had 170 people. It was expensive – spending somewhere around 70-75K. But it was a good party. We didn’t stop dancing till 2:30 AM. And then after partied afterwards. 

We do only cash and no presents – we got 25K in gifts. Since we paid for the wedding in cash, this was awesome. 

Only open bar. Everyone would riot if it wasn’t open bar. 

Post # 17
Member
590 posts
Busy bee

cosimaskye :  Yes I plan to stay in Spain forever. This wasn’t a move for love…I moved here over 4 years ago because I love Spain and have always had a dream that I will live here. 4 years ago I finally completed my dream and applied for a job teaching in a British school. Met my partner nearly 3 years ago whilst I was here. I disliked my job, so with my partner’s support I have opened up a little business teaching English to kids and I am so happy. still adjusting to being my own boss, haha. 

I have made some lovely friends here, both expats and native spaniards, and I am now almost fluent in Spanish (my partner has a low level of English so we communicate in Spanish….another thing which will make our wedding interesting as none of his friends speak English and none of mine speak Spanish :-s ).

Luckily it is only 2 and a half hours on a plane to see family and friends in the UK and they love coming here to visit me for some sun :-p 

I now can’t imagine living in the UK, Spain is now home for me. The lifestyle is amazing. :- )

Post # 19
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

cosimaskye :  Hahaha! Yeah, it’s massive. Depending on culture, it could go up to 500. No joke haha. It’s like a huge celebration which ends up having the bride & groom meeting people they never met before. Hehe! 

Post # 20
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Well, I think that in the United States, a lot of different things are to be factored in regarding wedding styles. You have people that are from many different cultures. So, even if you are in the same region or neighborhood, a lot of things can differ. For example, their are thousands of different cultural backgrounds in New York. Italians usually have huge weddings. Carribbean people have weddings that has very loud base bumping music with lots and lots of food and liquor. African weddings (depending on which country you are from) have very extravagent weddings with money thrown on the bride and groom. These can all be in the same region but differ entirely. I’m originally from Brooklyn, NY, my Mothers side of the family is Caribbean and their weddings are LIVE…They come to eat, drink and partyyyyyyyyyy…..They will lose their minds if we just had cake and punch. It’s unheard of in our culture. 

Post # 21
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Coco Brown Walker :  it’s so true. I am West Indian so my wedding had to be a party. And it was. 

Post # 22
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

dreamreve1 :  Yes girl…If it’s not a party with lots of food, people are going to be tight…My family is Bajan…They don’t want Cavier with a thin slice of fish. They want curry chicken, stew chicken and all kinds of filling foods. They want the music to be bumpin’ so they can wukkup all night….They want a nice flow of liquor..I love West Indian weddings….They are never dry! 🙂

Post # 23
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2006

I am from California ( wine country) Sonoma. I have been to two weddings here, and wow wow wow. They are very extravagant, it almost felt like a movie type weddings. Weddings are huge and so are the rings. I married in Vegas when my husband was still finishing school, so seeing such weddings makes me want one too. With 3 kids and a mortgage, i would need to win the lotto to afford such fancy wedding, lol.

Post # 24
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

This is fascinating!  I’m American (of Indian decent) living in California and fiance is white American.  We’re combining traditions for the wedding.

1) At 250 guests, our wedding is big for Americans, small for Indians. Even in America, Indian weddings can be 500.

2) Bridesmaids:  I am paying for their Indian bridesmaid dresses.  Bridesmaids are not a thing in India, but you would pay for the outfits of your close family.  They are paying for their Western dresses

3) Gifts:  Indians always do cash, but we are registering as well so people can give what they are comfortable with, a boxed gift or money

4) Alcohol:  full open bar!  Some religious Indians have dry weddings but it was not an option for us.  We like drinking, our friends/family do too.

5) Children:  Indian weddings include the whole family, so we’re allowing kids to the Indian wedding.  The Western wedding is the next day and will be adults only.

6) Engagement rings:  Indians in India have a “ring ceremony” where they exchange rings before the wedding but it is not traditional, it’s basically adopting the Western custom of engagement rings.

7) Budget:  Ours will be around $100K for what is essentially 2 weddings (Fri & Sat).  Most of our friends have spent $40-70K on a single-day wedding.

Post # 26
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I loved reading all these!

I am from a (very) small town in Maine (a northern state in the USA), and weddings are definitely much different there than even in cities in Maine (AKA Portland).

First of all, open bars are basically not a thing unless you are wealthy. Beer and wine may be provided, but it’s pretty much guaranteed it will be a cash bar or BYOB.

Also, in my community, it’s common to throw your own shower. This isn’t just for weddings, but baby showers as well. It’s definitely not considered rude, especially since you’re providing the costs of hosting. It actually wasn’t until I joined the Bee that I heard how “rude” it was! (I get everyone’s point of view, but it’s just not viewed that way here. It’s like throwing your own birthday party.)

Other than that, I can’t think of anything too different for weddings where I’m from. They definitely are lower than the national average, but still plenty of guests usually!

Post # 27
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee

To make thinsg special crazy I’m 1/2 persian, 1/2 canadian and was born in the UK. I currently live in Saskatchewan, Canada. Average cost for a wedding is $22,000 here. I’ll be spending probably closer to $30k all in but that wil also include 10 days in Las Vegas and all our other expenses.

I don’t follow any Persian traditions other than food, Nowruz (Persian new year) and using some Farsi with my grandparents and dad. I was raised western and am agnostic as well lol. I do wear a shayla or hijab if I’m doing anything religious with my family which is rare as well when I’ve travelled with them and we are outside the home of family or close friends in the middle east.

I am however following the UK tradition of covering all of my maid of honours costs, she’s important to me and I want her next to me, so I’m paying for her and one of her partner’s flights, their hotel room, all of her attire and I’ll make sure she has cash for their food as well as for any expenses before we fly. I didn’t want money to be a barrier to her standing with me as I marry the man I love. They have 4 kids and she’s a stay at home mom, so I knew from the start if I wanted her with me and it was that important to me that I would be paying and we’re 100% comfortable with it. We’re paying for his best man as well. She knows it’s up to her to pay for her passport, travel insurance and if she wants extra spending money. She’s already started saving so they can have lots of fun and see lots of stuff, she’s never left the country. 

The custom where I am is to have what’s called a toonie bar instead of an open bar. Typically all your drinks will cost $2 and you buy tickets and then just use tickets when you get your drink. It’s basically just done to cover the cost of the booze, and they either pay a bartender or a family friend bartends. It works really well for the most part and is completely normal so you don’t even tell people your having one especially if your in a smaller community people will just show up with their cash for the bar.

Potluck midnight luncheons are also really common here. If you serve liquor later than 10pm here you have to legally provide food, so its not unusual to have a midnight luncheon where all the women in both families have made up dainties, squares, cookies and then also have rolls, cold cuts etc and you eat it typically around 11pm. Midnight luncheon tastes so good after a 2-3 hours of dancing away and having fun.

Post # 28
Member
4529 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

cosimaskye :  Aussie bee here too.

Most weddings I’ve gone to have the ceremony at around 2:30pm then cocktail hour starts at 6:30pm. Everyone on here talks about the dreaded gap but it seems pretty normal in my circle.

I’ve never been to a bridal shower. We call it a kitchen tea where I’m from. Its usually two hours at someone’s house and it involves food, alcohol, wedding games and gifts. 

 

Post # 29
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I’m from Southern California. Weddings are basically a chance to flash how much money you have to your friends and family. The flashier the better ….. kidding….. not kidding. 

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