Post # 1
Single over a year. Last boyfriend was mentally abusive. I work part time with all woman and go to school part time. I just want to know where other than online I can meet a good man. I’ve been on dating sites since I was 17 (I had social anxiety) now 12 years later and all I’ve met online were liars, users and abusers Any advice would be a blessing. Thanks.
Post # 2
happycomelately : since plenty of bees met their non-liar-non-user-non-abuser SO online, I’d suggest examining your personal screening methods and choices along with any additional suggestions made for how to meet a good person.
Post # 3
BalletParker : OK that doesn’t help thanks
Post # 4
happycomelately : why doesn’t it help? You’re going to have the same problem no matter where you look, so it’s the only thing that will help.
that’s the point.
can you think of how you screen people, what you’re looking for, what cues you can look for that indicate integrity and honesty. This is what will help you control who you let in.
Post # 5
I agree with BalletParker. A lot of people meet good men using online dating so the problem is probably how you are picking men as opposed to the method you are using to find them.
But if you want to mix it up try using meetup.com. You can find a group that has a shared interest and meet some awesome people in real life as opposed to online.
You could also try volunteering.
Post # 6
Hi, OP. I met my fiance online–and I met a TON of other men, nearly all of whom were absolutely wonderful people (in spite of being emotionally unavailable!). Some of them have even remained my friends and are invited to my wedding. 🙂 So the online platform may not be SO bad. I’d agree with PP that considering your matches more completely would be a good idea.
Aside from that, I’ve met any other guys as friends-of-friends. Luckily, I was friends with some social butterfly-type people, so they always had someone new to add to the group. We’d all get together to play cards and have a potluck/BBQ with lots of wine, and there was almost always someone new. Get yourself involved in a study group with classmates! You and a friend go to one of those Paint-and-Wine places and chat with others! Do other social things like that where you can meet people who aren’t just there looking for a hookup. I also met a guy at the dog park once! That’s one of the EASIEST places to strike up a conversation because the dogs play and then obviously you and the other owner will both chuckle and chat about it. And as “nerdy” as it sounds, what about getting involved in those uber-popular competition games like Magic the Gathering and D&D? I recognize that the type of people interested in those games aren’t always *ahem* the coolest of the bunch, but, boy, have I dated HOT, SEXY guys in THOSE scenes… *shiver*
It’s really hard to meet someone; I definitely understand, Bee, and I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely like this. I remember my dad said to me one time–looooong before I could really understand it because I was too young: “I’ve seen what loneliness does to people, and there’s nothing more destructive.” As I got older and lonelier, I began to understand what he meant. But, for me, I found my boyfriends when I wasn’t actually trying. I mean, I WAS…but I was at my wit’s end each time and didn’t think anything would come of anything. So…stop trying. 🙂 Work on YOU. Be fucking RAD. And people of ALL kinds will want to be around you and invite you out and, eventually, there’ll be someone else there who kicks just as much ass as you do. <3
Post # 7
Have you thought of going to social activities? Like dancing, theatre, play sports. I’m sure you can find someone there.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Were you on free or paid online dating sites? Darling Husband and I met on eHarmony and I know a lot of other couples who have met online as well. I found that the free ones were a waste of time, but those on the paid sites were much more serious about finding a long-term partner – having to cough up $$$ tends to discourage time-wasters.
Other than that, take up a new hobby. It’s a great way to meet people.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
happycomelately : I met my husband at a concert and thought nothing of the interaction… Then 3 months later he found me on facebook and asked me out. I definitely second getting out and being social. Use your network of friends and family who may know an eligible bachelor. Sometimes it’s more reassuring knowing that a friend or family member can vouch for a guy.
I know plenty of people who met their spouses or significant others out and about and online. I briefly tried online dating and had to expand my search big time. The local guys just weren’t cutting it and I ultimately met someone from downstate who decided to visit my city to meet me. I also looked in another state entirely. Obviously those things didn’t work out for me, but they were great men who I totally would have remained friends with if it weren’t for the distance.
Also, I agree that you need to start thinking about why you end up with the same type of guy. The common denominator is you, so there must be something about what you’re drawn to that’s a red flag. I used to be drawn to emotionally unavailable men. I liked the challenge of getting them to choose me over their work or the single lifestyle. I eventually realized that this tendancy came from my own issues with my relationship with my father, then got it through my head that I deserved a guy who was more than willing to put me and our relationship first. Some introspection might reveal why you keep going for the same type of guy. Best of luck!
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK
Your last post was asking about chubby dating sites and you didn’t appreciate any advice given. Assuming your posts are genuine then maybe it’s your attitude that is putting people off.
I was single for nearly a year before meeting Darling Husband and I was on match.com. I only went on a few dates but they were all nice people, just not right for me. Can you tell us what you state in your profile that you are looking for? I find it hard to believe that all your dates have been with horrible men.
Post # 12
I tried online dating for 4 years with no success before finally meeting my husband at a MeetUp.com event in another country.
I know not all guys on dating apps are bad. But just like you have a lot of profiles to sift through, so do they. And then people who seemed like a good match before suddenly drift away.
Post # 13
happycomelately : what do you like to do? I can say “I met the most wonderful man playing sports” but if you hate sports joining a soccer team won’t help find the right guy for YOU. Do things you are passionate about and through those things you will meet people you are compatible with. Church, bars, parks, wood working classes, running clubs, volunteering, are all great ways to meet people but pick the thing you actually care about – not where you think you will find the most good men.
Post # 14
It seems like your picker is broken and you need to work on that. Maybe explore why you picked losers in the past and figure out how you can change your habits going forward.
Its not just that everyone else has been a lying asshole, but you PICKED the lying assholes in the first place. Examine if there were signs early on you didn’t heed, or if maybe your “type” is what’s causing the problem.
Post # 15
My girl friend just wants what we’ve determined is a “hipster lumberjack.” Lol someone familial, reliable, who has nice arms, and knows good music and good coffee. Lol ALAS! Her weakness is the sexy bad boy who has a hidden, secretive inside, someone she may be able to help, or “fix.”
There are nice guys everywhere, actually, men who have “boring jobs” and enjoy cuddling in front of a movie. Often times they sound generic, but when I dated online, I listed a lot of bullshit that I never wanted to deal with, and I was very candid about that. I also spent weeks, sometimes months, talking to the prospective suitors before meeting them. I wasn’t in any hurry to find someone. My focus was getting to know the person and asking as many questions and being as nosey as I wanted.
Good luck and have fun!