Where can i meet a good man

posted 2 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 16
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee

You’re not alone. A good friend of mine has been on dating sites for years and has had no luck making a relationship stick. She sees the worst in men before appreciating their best and this pushes the good ones away fast. Its heartbreaking to see her do  it over and over again.

I don’t think bees here who are telling you your picker is broken are saying it to be harsh or mean. But perhaps you need to be honest with yourself…why are you choosing men who treat you this way? Who have you passed over and why? Is there a quality you want but cannot identify? 

Have you tried the good old fashioned matchmaking method where you ask family and friends to set you up on dates with their single friends and family? Have you explored trying new social scenes to meet more people and make new friends who may then lead you to a possible match?

Post # 17
Member
864 posts
Busy bee

My husband is a friend of my ex co-worker.  I didn’t want to be set up so she invited me over to hang out when he was around.  You said that you have all women co-workers, maybe one of them has a friend that would be perfect for you.

Post # 18
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee

Online dating HAS changed alot since many bees met their spouses. Swiping and tinder are alot different than POF 5 years ago. I’m not saying it can’t work but I think the landscape is alot different dating online now.  

Have you asked any of the ladies you work with if they have a brother/cousin/friend that is single and looking? Put the word out there. 

Post # 19
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

I met my Fiance through friends! My friend Grace was dating a guy named Brandon, who was best friends with a guy named Joey, and Joey lived in the same hall as Mr. Joeph during college. Grace invited me to a 4th of July party, and Joey invited Mr. Joseph to the same party. We met during the party and started talking, and the rest is history! 

I had actually been broken up with a month earlier; I dated my ex for 4 months before he ended it. I was dating very casually, I wasn’t looking for or thinking about another relationship at all! And of course, that’s when I met Mr. Joseph. Sometimes, you meet the right person when you’re not expecting it. So my recommendation is to try not to force it or focus on it too hard on finding someone, because sometimes that pushes it even further away. Just put yourself out there (go places where you could meet someone, but you would also have a good time even if you don’t) and be open to the possibility. 

Post # 20
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

I think bees are just pointing out that the common denominator here is you. Yes those boys may have sucked so why do you keep picking sucky boys?  You have to examine this or it won’t change. No one is saying this to be mean. It’s to help.  Self reflection is key here. Also don’t be discouraged. If you want to find a good guy you have to go through sucky men. It’s just part of life. Are you leaving them when you see a red flag?  How do you determine who is good enough to meet in person?  Does your profile exude confidence or does it highlight insecurity from not meeting a good man?  When I was on a dating site, 99% of the men who sent messages I didn’t reply to because I didn’t feel they warranted a reply. They looked like copy and pasted messages, or messages of men who were not coming politely. I’m sure if I went down the rabbit hole of engaging with these men I would feel the same way. And I picked wrong a lot of times too. I had to makes major changes before anything good happened. I had to explore a lot of my problems to realize how I was coming off to people. Then I met an awesome guy.  I dated a mentally abusive man in my early 20s but then I had to examine why the hell did I put up with that?  I thought that was all I could get.  I didn’t believe I could find a better guy so I settled for less. Then I decided no more.  It doesn’t guarantee that you’ll find a good man, but it guarentees that you won’t be with a sucky man.  

To answer your original question, do any of your coworkers who you consider friends have brothers or brother in laws or friends who are single?  What about through church if you go?  Do you have any siblings that know people?  I feel like the in person route will help because then someone you trust vouches that the guy isn’t a jerk. Also what about your school?  

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