Where did your MIL get ready on your wedding day?

posted 2 years ago in Beauty
Post # 31
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Doesn’t sound like you want honest opinions as much as for everybody to support you.

I get being close to your mom and sisters..and wanting a special moment with them. But this future mother in law is going to be a new mother figure in your life. And  at the end of the day,  you will be her family.  I think pissing her off and creating drama for your future husband is unkind. 

I didn’t like my first mother I’m law but I still included her in the day of prep.  She appreciated the inclusion because she doesn’t have any daughters,  and I still had private moments with my sis and mom. 

Post # 32
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You’re entitled to get ready with who YOU want on the morning of YOUR wedding. I know a lot of people on here invited their Mother-In-Law to get ready with them, but in real life I only know one person who did. It’s not the norm, in my experience. I won’t be inviting mine to get ready with me because she’s an extremely controlling and stressful person. It’s my wedding. Why should I be the one to suck it up on MY wedding day? Nope. SHE can suck it up. Just like your Mother-In-Law can suck it up. It’s not her wedding and the day isn’t about her. It’s YOURS. 

Post # 33
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

I think some people are missing the point… I think the issue here based on what I read is that she is offended by FMIL overstepping the bride’s schedule and imposing her own. Not that she is included. So I agree, it is rude to demand the bride go along with what time works for YOU on HER wedding day. Its likely she has spent months planning this day, so yes this is cause for hurt feelings. I get the vibe the Future Mother-In-Law isnt upset she cant get ready with the other ladies, she just wants to impose some control over the situation. And if it were me, I would be offended as well. 

Post # 34
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My Mother-In-Law did not get ready with me. We get along well but she usually stresses me out and doesn’t get along with 3 of my Bridesmaids. I simply didn’t invite her. However, when I heard her and her mom outside the bridal suite shortly before the ceremony, I did invite them in for a first look/pictures with me. Just having her spend a little time with you would be a good compromise.

Post # 35
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

View original reply
camvicnol :  This is how I read it as well and I would be pissed. I am very close with my mom and two sisters and I would be so upset if my Future Mother-In-Law behaved this way.

Post # 36
Member
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

my M.I.L didn’t get ready with me.  I actually did offer HMUA services for her, but since my mom had already said no thanks M.I.L didn’t have FOMO and in the end it was just me and my M.O.H, thankfully.  (Both my mom and mother in law are very bossy & opinionated & don’t see why they can’t just take over every situation since they know better, so they would have had tons of “instructions” for my MUA.. I’m glad it was just me and my lovely M.O.H)

Post # 38
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

You have done nothing wrong! I will not be inviting Mother-In-Law, it is special to me to have my family, the tiny and tight-knit family that raised me (mum/sibling). If she invited herself, as yours did, I would put my foot down politely. It means too much to me to have that special time. You don’t always have to be extra polite if it makes you miserable, it is okay to politely tell people that you are doing things your way. 

To answer your question, with their family wherever they choose to =) If she makes a fuss I will politely remind her she was the only mum involved with getting ready at her own daughter’s wedding!

Post # 39
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Personally, I’d say ok to her coming, it really isnt a big deal. I dont understand why people get so worked up about things like this, as you’ve said, she doesn’t want to spend all morning with you, she wants to come around for her hair/makeup for an hour. She probably thinks shes doing a nice thing by spending an hour with you & your family then going home – she’s spent some time with you but is still giving you the majority of the morning to be with your mother & family, and she still gets to spend a lot of time with her son. You say she wants to go first and you’re not happy about that either, or that she can go last, but she would be having hers done at a time you weren’t even planning on having your own hair done, so it wont eat in to your time. As for spending an hour giving gifts with your family, its not unreasonable to do that 30 minutes earlier. I can fully relate to getting annoyed in the moment but if you take a step back and look at it in the grand scheme of things, it really isnt a big deal, and definitely not worth leaving a sour taste for your soon to be mother in law. All for an hour. Yes, its your day, but it is not only yours, and you are not the only one excited about it. He’s an only child, this is her only opportunity to be involved in a wedding, I dont understand why you want to spoil that for her when you’ve said yourself you like her?

Post # 41
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I guess I would really try to talk her into coming at 10, let your Fiance take the hit for that one. He can organize his brunch differently. I edited this post because I misunderstood earlier with the timeline. 

Post # 42
Member
1366 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Mine got ready far, far away from me. I did make her a hair and makeup appointment, but I made sure hers was first and mine was last so I didn’t have to see her before the wedding, at all.

 

But then again, I strongly dislike my Mother-In-Law and wasn’t too concerned about her feeling ‘included’. It’s your day. Hopefully you only get one. So do it how you want to do it.

Post # 43
Member
9564 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i invited my Mother-In-Law to have her hair and makeup done with us.  she only opted for makeup and came at the very end of the time frame, i told her her make up time and she came around then.

Post # 44
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
rosieb52 :  I do not have the first clue where my Mother-In-Law got ready for our wedding, and it literally never crossed my mind to have her get ready in my bridal suite. I thought it was understood, that the “getting ready” portion of the day is supposed to be intimate time for the bride and those closest to her (often family, but in my case, it was friends) to kind of have their “last” little moments together. A little while after the wedding, I did hear a couple whispers from relatives not invited to the suite that I “hogged” the makeup artist whereas other people would have liked to have their faces done as well. But I mean…I hired the makeup artist, so her services were mine to hog.  They got over it. And your Mother-In-Law will as well. 

P.S. Since the stylist is her relative, I do think it’s appropriate that you try to accomodate Mother-In-Law getting her hair done as well. But I don’t see why that means it has to be in your bridal suite. Cousin’s initial plan to go to MIL’s hotel before she came and got started on you sounds perfectly reasonable. 

P.P.S. I strongly dislike liars and manipulative people. I too, would have dug my heels in the moment I realized Mother-In-Law had made up the whole “cousin said I have to come to your suite” story. 

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