Post # 1
My Fiance and I have been together for 5 years, we know each other and each others famlies extremely well, to the point I put his brothers gf and he put my dad in the wedding party.
After months of thinking long and hard I decided not to invite my sister to the wedding. There are some intense family issues at play, and my parents feel this is the best thing for me, and our family. My Fiance has since latched on to this and decided to pick and choose who he wants to invite to the wedding from his family.
We have been debating over inviting his cousin…this is a longgg story and I’m so sorry! Fiance and his cousin were very close as kids, they were always together and the best of friends. When we got together his cousin was into some things i didn’t agree with but we let him live with us, after arguements and him owing us lots of money we kicked him out. Now about once a year he waltz’s into our lives, causes chaos, and waltzes back out, leaving me looking like the wicked witch the whole time. My Fiance doesn’t want to invite him (or his gf who happens to be FI’s ex- told you its complicated) I think we have to because Fi’s mom and aunts will be upset if he isn’t at least extended an invitation. Is it terrible to send an invitation with no +1 when he is engaged? Help 🙁
Post # 3
Either don’t invite at all, or invite with a +1…but I wouldn’t invite him. He is trouble, and trouble and weddings don’t mix. FI’s mom and aunts will just have to understand.
Post # 4
Yeah, it’s rude to not give a plus one. But it sounds like you guys have more than enough grounds to not invite the cousin. Its a bummer his mom and aunt might be upset, but I think you might be able to have a rational conversation a la “Well, after X incident, Y incident, and Z incident, it seems like all he does is show up hurt us and cause chaos in our lives. Our wedding day is one of the most important days of our lives and we’ve chosen to not allow ourselves to be distracted by such behaviour that day.’
I also have a sister who I have cut off contact because of a million reasons. Its really hard to do and I’m sorry you have to do it too.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t invite him, it’s your wedding not your FI’s mom or aunts’ wedding. Just make sure you explain why he won’t be invited, and they should understand.
Post # 6
@mamastephi: You are under NO obligation to offer an invitation. It is NOT your aunt’s wedding, or anyone else, except you and your Fiance. If the aunt/cousins keep pushing, then it’s up to you to disclose the reasons, but you’re not required to offer an explanation for your decision. Good luck to you both!!
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2014 - Customs House Resturant Geelong
as Jacqui90 and sweet tea said: “It’s you and your Fiance Wedding not your Mums, or Aunts”
You dont want to be spending your wedding day being reminded of incidents that happened in that past, or risking him making a scene on your wedding day.
It’s your day, do what you and your Fiance want to do.
Post # 8
We’re inviting all aunts and uncles, but not cousins we’re not close to. I don’t think you’re under any obligation.
Post # 9
I agree with PP, you’re not obligated to invite him, and if anyone has any problems or issue with it, just politely explain it. It seems like he does/can cause a lot of problems/drama/chaos which you don’t need on your wedding day 🙂 it’s yours & Fiance choice, not anyone else!
Post # 10
Yes it is rude not to extend +1s in this situation, but you have no obligation to invite him at all. I wouldn’t invite him or his Fiance, it’s your wedding, don’t yours tone bully you into it. If you want to tell your aunts why he’s not invited, go ahead, but you don’t have to explain yourself.
If you do decide to invite him, though, you need to give him a +1
Post # 11
I don’t think he should be invited, BUT if you really feel you need to then becuase he is engaged you should do the +1.
Post # 12
@mamastephi: Oh the politics of wedding invites! My Fiance and I are putting alot of our own money into the wedding, so we were able to pick and choose the invites with a heavier hand. In you situation, it sounds like this wedding would be a good time for the cousin to walk back in and cause alot of drama/chaos, which I’m willing to bet is the last thing you want on your wedding day. I say don’t invite him, and if people get upsetf you can either explain the situation to them, or shrug it off. it’s your day, and you should have to worry about drama from your guests, during the ceremony or afterwards.
Post # 13
It’s your day, save the drama for yourself and don’t invite him. If he feels angry and asks why – tell him. It doesn’t sound like you owe him anything, even an explanation. But I would save yourself the headache of having someone like that at your reception and run the risk of him ruining your day! Good luck!
Post # 14
I think people are misunderstanding. His(the cousins) Fiance is MY FI’s ex. Its awkward, they already took our original wedding date, and this crazy girl got a replica of the original dress I bought.
Post # 15
@mamastephi: I understand – and don’t think either of them should be at your wedding! They sound awful.