(Closed) Where do I draw the line?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Invite or not invite
    Invite with a +1 : (5 votes)
    10 %
    Invite with NO +1 : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Don't invite : (45 votes)
    87 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Either don’t invite at all, or invite with a +1…but I wouldn’t invite him. He is trouble, and trouble and weddings don’t mix. FI’s mom and aunts will just have to understand.

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    3572 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Yeah, it’s rude to not give a plus one. But it sounds like you guys have more than enough grounds to not invite the cousin. Its a bummer his mom and aunt might be upset, but I think you might be able to have a rational conversation a la “Well, after X incident, Y incident, and Z incident, it seems like all he does is show up hurt us and cause chaos in our lives. Our wedding day is one of the most important days of our lives and we’ve chosen to not allow ourselves to be distracted by such behaviour that day.’

    I also have a sister who I have cut off contact because of a million reasons. Its really hard to do and I’m sorry you have to do it too.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9648 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I wouldn’t invite him, it’s your wedding not your FI’s mom or aunts’ wedding. Just make sure you explain why he won’t be invited, and they should understand.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @mamastephi:  You are under NO obligation to offer an invitation. It is NOT your aunt’s wedding, or anyone else, except you and your Fiance. If the aunt/cousins keep pushing, then it’s up to you to disclose the reasons, but you’re not required to offer an explanation for your decision. Good luck to you both!!

    Post # 7
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Customs House Resturant Geelong

    as Jacqui90 and sweet tea said: “It’s you and your Fiance Wedding not your Mums, or Aunts”

    You dont want to be spending your wedding day being reminded of incidents that happened in that past, or risking him making a scene on your wedding day.

    It’s your day, do what you and your Fiance want to do.

    Good luck

    Post # 8
    Member
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We’re inviting all aunts and uncles, but not cousins we’re not close to.  I don’t think you’re under any obligation.

    Post # 9
    Member
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I agree with PP, you’re not obligated to invite him, and if anyone has any problems or issue with it, just politely explain it. It seems like he does/can cause a lot of problems/drama/chaos which you don’t need on your wedding day 🙂 it’s yours & Fiance choice, not anyone else!

    Post # 10
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Yes it is rude not to extend +1s in this situation, but you have no obligation to invite him at all. I wouldn’t invite him or his Fiance, it’s your wedding, don’t yours tone bully you into it. If you want to tell your aunts why he’s not invited, go ahead, but you don’t have to explain yourself.

    If you do decide to invite him, though, you need to give him a +1

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    7651 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t think he should be invited, BUT if you really feel you need to then becuase he is engaged you should do the +1.

    Post # 12
    Member
    20 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @mamastephi:  Oh the politics of wedding invites! My Fiance and I are putting alot of our own money into the wedding, so we were able to pick and choose the invites with a heavier hand. In you situation, it sounds like this wedding would be a good time for the cousin to walk back in and cause alot of drama/chaos, which I’m willing to bet is the last thing you want on your wedding day. I say don’t invite him, and if people get upsetf you can either explain the situation to them, or shrug it off. it’s your day, and you should have to worry about drama from your guests, during the ceremony or afterwards.

    Post # 13
    Member
    238 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    It’s your day, save the drama for yourself and don’t invite him.  If he feels angry and asks why – tell him.  It doesn’t sound like you owe him anything, even an explanation.  But I would save yourself the headache of having someone like that at your reception and run the risk of him ruining your day!  Good luck!

    Post # 15
    Member
    401 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @mamastephi:  I understand – and don’t think either of them should be at your wedding! They sound awful.

    The topic ‘Where do I draw the line?’ is closed to new replies.

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