Where do I go from here?

posted 2 years ago in Christian
Post # 2
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

happycomelately :  How about just exploring / enjoying your city? As you go out and hang out with different friends, you can expose yourself to new interests and new groups of people.

Post # 4
Member
6861 posts
Busy Beekeeper

happycomelately :  So that’s your first step–what interests you? Sign up for a photography class or take a tour of historic theaters in your area. Join a community garden, sign up for a charity’s 5K…you get the idea. These are things you can do on your own but where you will meet people who share your interests and have the potential to be friends or love interests. The worst thing that can happen is that you do something you enjoy and learn something new.

Post # 5
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

happycomelately :  I second the “getting out there” advice. Sometimes we surprise ourselves when we do something new. 

Post # 6
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

happycomelately :  That’s okay  – if you start going to new places and doing new things now, you’ll have the opportunity to meet new people and develop friendships, and maybe even a romantic relationship. A PP above gave some great suggestions for specific activities.

You just have to “put yourself out there.”  😊

Post # 7
Member
1929 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

In my opinion sign up for clubs and classes that you enjoy and go from there. When the time is right you will meet someone

Post # 8
Member
11111 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

happycomelately :  

What does your online profile say about you?  That has a lot to do with the kinds of people you draw to you.

Post # 9
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If you literally have zero friends and few hobbies, I can see where you’d have a hard time posting a compelling profile, online. “Single loner without friends or hobbies seeking….” what kind of person are you hoping to attract? 

Post # 10
Member
2456 posts
Buzzing bee

CHURCH

COMMUNITY COLLEGE

LIBRARIES

VOLUNTEER GROUPS

MUSIC GROUPS

PET RESCUES

Post # 11
Member
1842 posts
Buzzing bee

when I moved to a new city away from my family I took a random gardening class at my local community college. It was only like $50 for a few weekends and I enjoyed it. They usually have things on cooking or sewing or book club type things too. The first step is finding something to get you out of the house to meet people with similar interests. 

 

Post # 12
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I think the previous posters here are kind of misguided. Idk how old the original poster is, and idk how it works in the Christian dating context, but in my age bracket (21-25), meeting in person is becoming less and less common. There’s this perception that it’s odd/rude to interrupt someone’s real life, while they’re out and about, by expressing any sort of romantic intent, and that the proper dating sphere is online. 

A group of my male friends the other day were having a heated discussion about whether it’s “creepy” to talk to girls at the gym. Consensus: yes, it is. Because apps like Tinder are sooo prevalent nowadays, and because there’s (rightly) been a lot of political discourse recently re: consent, some people consider it weird to look for people outside of those platforms where all the participants are there specifically seeking non-platonic relationships/encounters. 

In addition to that, many people don’t want to date within their real-life social circles, like school or work. For example, when I started law school and everyone was still getting to know each other, I heard several people express that they didn’t want to date within the school since, if anything were to go wrong, they’d have to deal with running into that person on a regular basis. Online dating makes breakups VERY easy, and ghosting even easier. You can’t exactly just stop talking to someone you’re going to see in class, or church, or the gym the very next day, someone with whom you share mutual contacts who would eventually find out what happened. Would it be better to just learn how to end romantic situations with respect and grace? Sure. But since literally everyone is on Tinder/Hinge/OkCupid/etc, there isn’t really a NEED. So many people will just choose the easier, more common route. 

Also, going back to the universality of dating apps, there’s a good chance that anyone you meet while out pursuing your hobbies is meeting others online and going through the dating stages with those people at a much quicker pace than could possibly occur when you only see them for an hour once a week or so in a platonic, group context. It can be VERY difficult to escalate these things. School and work would be exceptions (if your fellow students/coworkers are even willing to date within the school/workplace), since you’re spending ample amounts of time together. 

Final point: I can rattle off at least a dozen relationships I know of (including my own) that began on a dating app. Every other relationship I know of began in college. I’m not saying don’t put yourself out there and pursue your hobbies, but I think you’d be doing yourself a huge disservice by not also jumping back into online dating. And honestly, despite its reputation, I’d start with Tinder. There are many, MANY people looking for relationships on Tinder and it’s easy to weed out those that aren’t. The app has seriously evolved since its original intended use. 

Post # 13
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Coffee Meets Bagel.  I felt the quality of people on that app was much more of what I was looking for than PoF or Match.  A larger majority of the men appeared to be genuinely interested in being in an honest, committed relationship, as opposed to just looking for the next fun thing.  I went on a few decent dates with various men and eventually found my fiance about two months after joining.

The area I live in is not ideal for a twenty something college educated woman wanting to find love organically.  You really do have to put some effort into making things happen for yourself.  If you’re out and see an attractive guy, make some eye contact, smile, wink, be light! – if you want someone to approach you, you have to look approachable.  And if it’s not working out in the real world, unfortunately you do have to sort through the mess of the internet to find the diamond in the rough.  They are in there!  I met lots of nice guys who may not have been my “one” but they’d be perfect for the right girl.  You need an ice breaker that all the guys you find online can relate to? – “Hey!  Online dating sucks right?!  What’s a hopeless romantic to do…?”

Good luck! <3

Post # 14
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

happycomelately :  You posted in the Christian forum, so I’m going to assume that you’re a Christian. I too struggled to meet someone, and as a Christian, I had some qualities that any future partner needed to have in order for marriage to be a possibility. It only made sense for me to look at church to meet that person. I wasn’t happy with my home church, and it didn’t have a lot of members my age, so the pool was small. I switched churches for a while, but the new church still didn’t meet my needs for fellowship, friendship, great teaching, and the possibility of a future partner. I went back to the old church, but I didn’t give up. I searched online for a Christian singles group, and found a different church to try. I loved the preaching there, and the singles group was great, even though I didn’t meet anyone initially. A few months in, I met Darling Husband.

Find a church that fosters relationships (platonic and otherwise) and you will eventually find the one that God intends for you. Don’t give up.

I do agree with other posters though. I’m an introverted loner, so I did have to move out of my comfort zone, participate in group outings, and get more involved in the small group I joined. I’ve made friendships from this, and I also got closer to Darling Husband. It was difficult at first, but it was worth it, because now I’m happily married!

Post # 15
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee

You should try Bumble. Only women can initiate conversations once you’ve matched with someone. Online dating is your best bet probably. Stick with it, it’s all a numbers game. You should post your profile text on here and we can give you pointers.

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