(Closed) Where do I go from here?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry you are going through tough times.

I don’t understand why you can’t move in with him, even though his student loans are messed up. If you are working, two incomes would help pay the rent and utilities and give him that extra to pay on his loans.

Post # 5
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That is really crappy. I personally cannot stand being disappointed like that, and for something so important, too!

I suggest you become fully engrossed in something else…a hobby or something that takes your mind off of the negative stuff going on. Do something just for yourself. Paint, dance, sing, take an exercise class, something… anything that is “all about you”, that you can have just for yourself.

The busier you are the less time you have to think about the negative and risk depression or becoming a negative person all around.

Honestly, I think marriage is very hard on people that are still in school and I think it is even harder on those that have financial burdens. They say the number one cause of fighting is finances. So, maybe in reality, as much as you want the wedding or living together thing, it might be better for your relationship to not go there yet. You have someone who is dedicated to you and loves you, and wants you and that is a very special thing!

Post # 6
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

At least when you do plan the wedding, you can plan for things you want rather than just taking the bare minimum because you don’t have the money to pay for anything else.

Post # 7
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@mrsv2be: Do you love him? Or is this just a comfortable relationship. I am not saying this to be mean, but maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship…

Post # 8
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am sorry you are going through this; I can sympathize this past year has been filled with upheaval, let downs, and just a general *^!#storm.  I finally realized, very recently, that what helps me deal is him.  While you are not married and living together isn’t an option right now – you still have him.  Finding someone to share the tough times with is what really matters.

And if you really want to be married, then get married.  Get a licensee, go to city hall and get married.  You can do the big ceremony/reception later when the going has gotten better.  

Post # 10
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t understand why he needs to make payments on his student loans if he is in school full time? It also seems like the last minute for him to realize he can’t move in. Was it his idea to move in together, or yours? It sounds like he might have some reservations about it.

You have some serious thinking to do about the relationship. You don’t want take big steps in a relationship if you’re not sure you want the relationship any longer in the first place. It will be more complicated once you move in together if things were to not work out.

Post # 11
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@mrsv2be: I think you said if all for yourself.  You are not in love and he is not a man you want to share your life with, which makes your concerns about all of this wedding stuff moot.  Take this time, like you suggested, to work on yourself.  Time away from him will do wonders for you, it could inspire him into some personal growth and if you are meant for each other it will work out in the future.  I don’t mean that in the whole “everything happens for a reason” way; I mean it in a I went through a numbing break up and am now back with him and could not be happier or more proud of who we are together and as individuals.  Good luck, trust in what you know is best for you.   

Post # 12
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@mrsv2be: You can’t change someone. That is something they have to do. In my opinion, you need to reevaluate your relationship. Maybe you both can still come out of this being just friends.

Post # 13
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My 2 question to you would be: Why do you want to get married?  What makes you want to get married right now and not wait another 2-3 years?

The topic ‘Where do I go from here?’ is closed to new replies.

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