(Closed) Where do I make it clear?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
497 posts
Helper bee

Theoretically, the invitation should indicate who exactly is invited by the names you do or do not put on the invite.  For instance, if your friend Jane Smith is dating John Doe and you only want Jane to attend, you would address the invitation to Ms. Jane Smith.  As opposed to if John was invited, in which it would say either Ms. Jane Smith and Guest or Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe (the order on the envelope depends on who lives where…but that is a whole other issue).

For the most part, people should get the hint, but if your friends are young, they may just decide to invite their boyfriend themselves by including them in the RSVP.  The most tactful way around that, that I have found, is to carefully explain to whomever has written in a guest that was not invited, that you would love for them to come, but that you have space restrictions at your venue and you have many other guests that have all ready made accomodations that don’t include boyfriends, so it would be very unfair for one person to have an exception and another to not.  At least, that is how we dealt with an issue at our wedding where a set of parents wrote in their young children who weren’t invited and all of our other friends had arranged for babysitters in the area.

Hope that helped.

–Mrs Corn

Post # 4
212 posts
Helper bee

I think if your website allows ppl to "pick" the number of guests, then you’ll run into some problems that may result in a difficult conversation although Mrs. Corn is right in that, technically, the names on the invite dictate who is and who isn’t invited.

Maybe rethink the online RSVP OR you just have to explain to your guests whe you get back "number attending: 2" on the online response form.

Post # 6
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

From the stories I have heard, there are people that you will have issues with no matter what.  Even if you send an RSVP that indicates clearly "2 Guests," or lists their names, they will cross off the 2 and put 4, and write in the names of their kids.  Someone who has a clue will look at the envelope to see if if indicates & Family or & Guest, and then perhaps call you if they really want to bring the kids, but others will just modify the card any way they want.  That’s actually good – it gives you a chance to call them and straighten things out – rather than just having them show up with their 6 little darlings in tow or something like that.

Post # 7
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I think there is a website that allows you to preset the number separately for each person. So, when Joe Bob signs in to RSVP it would only give him the option to RSVP for one person, but when Jane and John Smith sign in, they could RSVP for two. Maybe someone else knows the name of the website.

Post # 8
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I don’t know what website you are using, but ours only allows them to pick up to the number of people invited.  So, if I invite Mr. and Mrs. Joe and their 2 kids, then they can pick up to 4 people, no more. If I inivited Miss Jennifer, then she can only pick 1 of 1.  In addition, when people log in with their PIN number all of their info pops up automatically, so they don’t have to type in anything except the number of people in their party and then check the box for what kind of dinner (veggie, beef, or chicken).  We are using weddingtracker.com — you can check out our site at http://www.christinaanddaryl.com



Post # 9
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Do your best to specify who’s invited on the invitation envelope, but like everyone said, there’s always the probability that someone won’t understand, and you’ll have to clarify it with them when you receive their response.

In all fairness, most people aren’t up to speed on formal invitation etiquette unless they’ve been through the wedding planning process and read about it in a bridal magazine!  How many events do you get invited to where you receive a formal invite?

The couples are easy, it’s the people w/ kids and single people that might be an issue.  So clearly spell out on the envelope who is invited.  If it’s a couple and not their kids, spell out the husband & wife’s first name, too.  That might give them the hint that the kids are not invited.

For singles, there’s nothing you can really do.  If you just put their name and not "and guest", they just might assume it and RSVP for 2, and you’ll have to make the call at that point to talk to them about it.  Good luck!

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