Post # 1
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
Hey bees!
I need some help. A few months back I posted that I was going nuts knowing that something was up with my BF (knowing he was going to propose). So fast forward to a few weeks ago…smart one left the jewelers bag on the counter. I freaked out and acted like I didn’t see it, he asked if I wanted to go to the beach that weekend. I figured it’d happen for sure. Got my nails done…and nothing happened. I then started acting strangely because I was frustrated that I had been so sure. I told him that I found the bag and he said it was a Christmas present. He has never bought be jewelry so I totally didn’t buy that. The next day I admitted that I was expecting a proposal the weekend prior and that’s why I’ve been off. He showed me the ring, told me he wasn’t planning on doing it for another year but just wanted to have it ready. That was fine with me…we took it out to look at it a few more times…then I started wearing it around the house because we wanted to look at it. And we have come to a conclusion. We are basically already engaged. (We live together) He now doesn’t see a reason to wait (we both are ready to get married and totally don’t want to put the ring away lol). But I take the ring off when I leave the house because it isn’t “official” yet. And there is almost no way he could surprise me at this point lol. He said he will just ask me officially next time we are at the beach (in a few weeks, we have family there).
but this is so untraditional I don’t even know where to start lol! He asked if he should “ask my parents” I said yes but at this point it’s all a mess so I am unsure of how to guide him lol. I told him that I won’t really feel engaged until I can wear it out of the house but I don’t know if people will settle for how it happened as “oh I found out and we just decided we are engaged to be married” as an answer. And what to do about my parents? Lol. Does he still ask even though he’s not technically asking me? Thoughts in general?
Post # 2
Member
2044 posts
Buzzing bee
I don’t see the problem. You’re already engaged. He’s going to officially propose in a few weeks so everyone will know. You both agree on this.
He can get your parents blessing if it’s important to you so I don’t see the issue.
It doesn’t matter what other people think. You two decided that you’re getting married and he’s going to propose in a romantic way on the beach so you’ll even have a cute proposal story.
Am I missing something here?
Post # 3
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
I think its fairly common for people to decide to get married via a conversation rather than a proposal. But if the traditional fixings are important to you, you can do those too.
Post # 4
Member
7796 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
oceanwaves : but this is so untraditional I don’t even know where to start lol!
No–in truth these Pinterest and social media-worthy proposals are the new-fangled notions. Do you know why you’ve never seen photos of your parents’ proposal? Because nobody was taking pictures! Traditionally people decided to get married or there was a very simple proposal and they were then engaged. Congratulations!!!
Post # 5
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
oceanwaves : let all of the pressure of what other people will think fade from your mind. The only thing that matters is your relationship with your Fiance. Contrary to media and social media, I truly believe that a lot more couples are engaged before they are “officially engaged” don’t let your brain create drama where there doesn’t need to be any.
Post # 6
Member
4962 posts
Honey bee
Consider this your fair warning…no one will actually give a crap. There is nothing for them to “settle” for. I only know the circumstances of one of my friends or family member’s engagement and that’s because I bumped into them literally five minutes after it happened and they told me completely unprompted. You may get a few who will ask, some out of politeness or because it’s the “thing” to ask, but they don’t actually care in some big meaningful way because it in no way affects their lives. People as a whole pretty much only really care about things that directly impact them and the rest is them just taking a passing interest because they know it is important to you and they care about you. They will move on like 30 seconds later and never think about it again.
So this is all a non-issue and pretty much do whatever the hell you and your SO want to do. No one else has to factor in on this decision. Don’t live your life worried about how it appears to other people who are going to move on from it mere minutes after you tell them.
Post # 7
Member
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Girl, just put your ring on and change your FB status (or whatever people do these days). If youve decided youre engaged then congrats! Youre engaged. No need to wait for your faux-posal.
Post # 8
Member
7 posts
Newbee
We’d felt engaged for many months despite not officially wearing the ring yet. We asked for my parents blessing together and somehow he totally caught me off guard when he proposed as it was a totally run of the mill date night. No sense in pretending getting engaged was a surprise, when it’s a decision we talked over and made together. Wouldn’t have had it any other way!
Post # 9
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
oceanwaves : “
I don’t know if people will settle for how it happened as “oh I found out and we just decided we are engaged to be married” as an answer.” — What do you mean? How could anyone not “settle for” a truth that has nothing to do with them? Plus, nobody really cares how you ended up engaged. Your loved ones will be happy for you, that you ARE engaged, but honestly, they could not care less about how it happened. And if they DID, there’s nothing they could do about it anyway. (But they won’t.) If I were you, I would just agree that we’re engaged, and I’d start wearing the ring. If your parents’ blessing is important, his idea to wait a few weeks is fine too. Either way, there is no dilemma here and nothing to worry about. Have fun!!
Post # 10
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
You two decided to get married. That’s the best way to get engaged. Congratulations!
Post # 11
Member
8751 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Honestly, don’t get caught up on what is traditional. My husband and I agreed we wanted to get married, we picked the ring together, I knew he was going to propose, it was still lovely and special when he did.
Post # 12
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
beethree : Well said. I’m sure many “proposals” of the generations before us went something like – Her: “I’m pregnant”, him: “I guess we ought to get married then”.
Post # 13
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey
As much as binding your lives is a romantic notion, engagement is like a verbal contract you do to eventually get married. That’s true, why would you wait another year for a surprise proposal if you’re sure of your feelings already.
If I were you I wouldn’t even wait for wearing the ring.
Post # 14
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
Who cares what people will say. Just wear your ring, stop with the fake proposal at the beach. Tell your parents you are engaged. What does it even mean he has not officially asked?
Post # 15
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
oceanwaves : Just tell everyone of your mutual decision to marry, and celebrate! You need to let go of your attachment to what you THINK your engagement should be, because honestly all of these Instagram and “traditional” proposals are so staged and you don’t need to compare yourself to any of that. When my husband proposed, I knew it was coming for like a year and we had already basically gotten engaged when we decided on the ring I wanted and timeline. By the time he actually
“popped the question”, I was like thank God now we can finally plan our wedding. LOL!