Where do you spend your holidays?

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

In your situation, I would probably fly out to Mother-In-Law, but come home for your daughter’s birthday with your parents. I also wouldn’t feel bad about flying out to your parents next year regardless of what you choose this year. I think both sets of parents should recognize that there will be sacrifices since they are both a plane ride away which isn’t easy, especially with a child!

Post # 3
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If your parents have already bought plane tickets to see you then I think you should plan a joint Christmas with both in laws at your house. I don’t know why you would agree to your parents to come over this Christmas and now still be toying with the idea of going to MILs.

She can come to yours and you can still fly to your parents next year. Mil will still have seen you, her son and her granddaughter this year, it doesn’t have to be in her house to count.

Post # 4
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

If you visit your Mother-In-Law without your parents, will you be leaving them alone in a foreign country over Christmas? If so, I’d stay put this year, visit your country next year and then go to Mother-In-Law the following year.

Post # 5
Member
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Since your parents already booked their tickets, I would just host Christmas at your home if you can and invite your in-laws for it too. If your in laws can’t come, I would count this as a year with your parents, and next year spend the holidays with your in laws, and then alternate every other year. This is what my parents did when I was growing up and both sets of grandparents lived far away from us and from each other. It was really the only fair solution.

Post # 6
Member
7032 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I personally would stay home, and tell Mother-In-Law she can come to you for Christmas and join your family. The following year I’d continue with your plans to go overseas. This is your life/family, make the decisions that make you guys the happiest.

Here’s the way I see it….our parents all had their time to make the decisions they felt was best for their family. Now it’s their turn to sit back and go with the flow.

Darling Husband and I have been together 17 years, married 5. For the past 12+ years (basically since we started living and celebrating holidays together) we’ve pretty much ALWAYS spent Christmas with his family. I’ve always just caved because Christmas is important to Mother-In-Law and to Darling Husband being with them….plus there’s not as much hoopla with my parents for Christmas (where as Mother-In-Law goes all out). That being said, it’s started to really get to me the past few years. We tried to implement that we’d start alternating holidays but each time Mother-In-Law would back out of coming. Last year I stayed home and Darling Husband went by himself a couple days before, driving home on Christmas Day and getting here in time for dinner.

We are currently expecting and due in April. I have already laid down the law, the ILs are going to have to start coming to us if they want to spend the holidays together. For 12+ years I’d caved and we’ve catered to them. Now it’s about our family and traditions.

Post # 8
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

zanyapple :  agree with what other PPs said. Darling Husband doesn’t have a close family so all holidays are spent with my family.  However,  the past 2 years we’ve both worked the holidays and didn’t see our family until later days when we were off. I did date a guy whose parents had a long term set up for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was always the mom’s side of the family and Christmas is always the dad’s side. They host each year at their house because its a central point for all parties involved. This may not be completely ideal or it could be but be alternated each year.  Darling Husband and I are okay with it just being us sometimes for the holidays since we work, but if we have a LO we will be hosting at home for our child to enjoy at home with us. 

Post # 9
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

If your parents have already bought tickets – I would tell Mother-In-Law to come to you. It’s easier for both you and your parents.

My in-laws are VERY into Christmas, so we have always spent it with them (we have no kids of our own yet though). My family doesn’t get too upset about that, and we usually spend Thanksgiving and Easter with my family. I think once we have kids, things will have to be adjusted because it’s unfair to one side to never see the grandkids on a big holiday like that.

Post # 10
Member
6836 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

zanyapple :  Can you clarify when your parents plane tickets are scheduled for? If they’re coming in for Christmas there is no way I’d leave and fly to see Mother-In-Law. 

Post # 12
Member
6836 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

zanyapple :  “I also dislike how she didn’t even ask where my parents were spending Christmas or if we had other plans. She just assumed she’s calling the shots.”

This is my problem with then agreeing to go there for Christmas. You’re letting her call the shots. Unless you set it up NOW that you’re going to be doing what’s best for your family, she’s going to keep assuming she gets to impose her own ideas and plans on you and then, going forward, it’s going to be even more difficult to change. 

Post # 13
Member
6628 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

zanyapple :  In the situation described, I’d invite Mother-In-Law to visit you for the holiday and then leave the ball in her court.  Your family will already be there, it’s beyond ridiculous to expect you to cut that visit short or to have your family go out of their way to travel even further.  If she declines, that’s her problem and you can always facetime her on Christmas day.

Regarding what we do, in our first two years of marriage we continued going our seperate ways as we have always done (9 years total).  We just had a baby and so obviously the rules are changing. First we decided we’d just do Christmas on our own at our house – no way in hell are we flying with a newborn and it seemed unfair to go to the inlaws for both Thanksgiving and Christmas just because they’re sort of in driving distance.  So then I invited my family out to us (just 3 of them) and that seemed good until it occurred to me that if they’re flying 2/3 of the way across the country, they might as well go the rest of the way and we could all meet where the inlaws live (it’s probably cheaper, in fact).  I doubt we’ll do it this way more than once, but I think we’re going to have a really good time this holiday and everyone will get to see their awesome grandson/nephew (lol).

Post # 14
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I would definitely plan to be back home by your daughter’s birthday so you can celebrate it as you want.

For Christmas I’m still in favour of celebrating at home this year and inviting both sets of grandparents, as going to MIL”s risks making her think you’ll do that every year. But I can understand if you want to go there this year to keep her happy. Just expect to face problems next year when you want to go away!

Post # 15
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

I’m a little confused – are you saying that you want to spend NEXT Christmas overseas with your parents, and therefore don’t think you can spend this upcoming Christmas at home or your Mother-In-Law will be upset? I’m not sure I follow your reasoning. If you stay where you are, both sets of family will be able to spend both Christmas and your DD’s birthday with you, right? So why can’t you then go overseas next Christmas? I certainly wouldn’t leave your parents at your place while you spend Christmas with your in-laws somewhere else – regardless of whether they’re not that into Christmas, they still do celebrate it, and it seems like it would be an odd/kind of rude thing to do.

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