(Closed) Where does the pressure to plan the "perfect wedding" come from?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@linnylou_88:  Most of it is a very modern invention (esp. many of the ‘traditions’). Several years ago a book came out called One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding.  I read it long before I was engaged and it had a huge impact on me.  I don’t know if you can still find it but it examines the entire wedding industry and how they are in the business (for better or wrose) of manufacturing moments and creating concepts.  I still love the intimate wedding I’m planning, but it gives an interesting perspective.

Post # 4
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@linnylou_88:  I think the significance of a wedding and only doing it “once” puts a lot of pressure on us. To most people, their wedding is the most important day of their life and they only get one chance to do it. I think families put a lot of pressure on us also.

I felt pressure to accomodate my family and make sure everyone was comfortable and had plenty to eat/drink.

I didn’t feel like I had to perfect. I knew the man I was marrying loved me just I am.

Post # 5
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes its an industry, its about making money. I got caught up in it, partly due to consumerism, partly my mom.

Its too late now but I would have done a few things differently! or alot!

Also I get super happy with my DIY b/c I’m proud of the handmade items and because I feel like I’m sticking it to the industry!


Post # 6
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I tried to plan what I thought was an elegant, classy wedding for 2 years. I got so stressed out I ended up in the hospital. Twice. We decided to go to Las Vegas instead and I’m so much happier and the hell with perfection. Do what you want to do!

Post # 7
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@linnylou_88:   I had very little pressure but I knew I wanted to put on a nice event. And that is what a wedding is, an EVENT.     The only spot that I “gave in” on and that I REGRET is how much I spent on food. I spent $7000 on food that I don’t think was honestly that good on the wedding day.  The best caterer in RI and they still couldn’t nail their entrees.   


There is so much hype surrounding this perfect vision of a wedding and that all girls are supposed to adhear to.  I loved my wedding, I totally did, but omg the work that I put into it for an entire year.  Worrying about things that didn’t mean anything by the end!  I did a lot of things “my way” in order to exert some control over things…. did my own flowers because I was NOT paying a florist $3-4k for flowers, assembled the decor myself, didn’t use any sort of special transportation, printed out my own invites and Save-The-Date Cards, etc etc.   I wasn’t going to put more of my money back into the wedding industry, when there were ways to be cost-concious and do things myself.   I still pulled off a beautiful and wonderful event (even guest who are in the event industry were impressed!!)  but it was still a lot of work to pull it off!


I say do your wedding YOUR way.   Ignore your sister, and just keep on your merry path. The most important thing is that you and your Fiance get MARRIED and have a good MARRIAGE.   People lose sight of that, which is so much more important than one day out of many many you will spend on this earth.  

Post # 8
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@renwoman:  I love that book. Was enlightening. 


The pressure comes from:

consumerism, special snowflake syndrome, desire to escape reality (e.g. recession), return to “traditional” norms among younger generations, sexism/beauty standards/gender roles, loss of formality in culture = wedding becomes only formal/fantasy event. 

I always roll my eyes when brides say they are on a small budget of $15,000. The majority of people, if they are honest with themselves, don’t have that kind of money. They have to borrow and save for it, even though that same saved money could yield tens of thousands in accrued interest down the road. It is truly foolish but as long as people need their dreams and fantasies it will continue.

Post # 9
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree with pretty much everything said here so far.  I would also add that, in my case, I think a lot of the pressure (I put on myself) came from having had a difficult childhood and now feeling like I could have a beautiful,, fun wedding and deserve to have that…Luckily, Darling Husband helped me through a lot of this as this pressure and issues I hadn’t quite fully dealt with sent me into bridezilla mode quite a few times!!

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