Post # 1
Hey ladies 🙂 I’m having a seriously crapola morning because comic-con is on in my city this weekend and I really want to go dressed up as a zombie (I have a kick-ass costume & makeup setup) and decided not to drive down to my hometown (where my SO lives) so I could go. I drove the 800km round trip last weekend & as a friend invited me to zombie it up with him I decided why miss out?
Boyfie is cracking the shits saying I choose dressing up over him, he’s pissed because ‘he wants to see me this weekend’ but he can’t possibly come up to see me and go to comic-con with me. Then he says stupid things like ‘I love getting ditched by comic-con’. First of all I was coming down for my Dad’s bday – but they aren’t doing anything for it and Dad said ‘Go to comic-con, and just give me a call’ I intend to use the $$ I’d save on fuel (about $150-$200) to buy him an awesome present instead.
Last weekend when I travelled down to see boyfie I cancelled a previous appt I had on the Saturday and came down & paid for everything. One of the boys mates offered him a lift to my city and back because he was headed up this way and he declined because he had to work on a public holiday. So I travelled down on a long weekend just for him to work. He also went fishing at 4am on Saturday til about 11am and I arrived late Friday night. So that was one of the most boring mornings of my life.
What I’m asking is – is this my bad? It is really hard to find the line between being selfish and standing up for yourself when you feel like you’re being told what to do. We have a history of this kind of blow up in our past and I feel like it’s always him blowing up and me letting things go but perhaps that’s just really one sided of me. Should I go down this weekend? How would you handle it, because I seem to be doing it wrong 🙁
Post # 3
Ahhh crap. I totally didn’t even put this in the right section did I? Sorry!
Post # 4
I would tell him it takes two to tango, you made the trip last weekend, and he can come this weekend. If he can’t deal with that, then its his loss and don’t let him guilt trip you!
Post # 5
Seriously you’re not supposed to have a life outside of traveling to see him? pfff GO ZOMBIE IT UP girl… especially since you have a kickin costume.
Post # 6
Comic-con’s only once a year. You visited him more recently than he visited you. He needs to chill out.
Post # 7
@perri: I agree, the con is once a year. Go for it!
Post # 8
Thanks – I love my costume! I really want to use it again!
Thanks, I am a sucker for the guilt trip (my mum has been doing it all my life) but I have hard time telling if I’m being tripped or if I should be feeling guilty!
Thanks ladies 🙂 I sent him this long text – does it sound fair?
Ok so I’ve had a think, written some things down and looked at all aspects of this situation. Basically I don’t think I’m being awful or terrible for wanting to go to this event. Aside from hardly doing anything like this, I did come see you last weekend and didn’t stop you from fishing/working. The trip is the same length for the both of us and I don’t think I should be made to feel guilty that I’m not making it two weekends in a row. I do love you and I miss you mega crazy amounts, but I am really excited about the opportunity to dress up as a zombie and go to this event. It’s once a year and I feel that I’ve made the effort for you cancelling two plans in two weekends (car appointment and Zoe Foster) which I gladly did for you. While I understand you’re upset, I believe I’m not being selfish, I’m trying to maintain a level of equality in our relationship. I feel I deserve to do things like this without being made to feel guilty. I love you so much & miss you more than you can imagine.
Ok? Too harsh? Am I being mean?
Post # 9
NOPE not harsh at all. He should be excited that you have some plans. DH and I were LDR for awhile and neither of us ever made the other feel bad about doing things with friends!!! It’s part of the LDR
Post # 10
He’s just pouting because he wanted to see you. Don’t let him make you feel bad. Zombie it up and post pictures!
Post # 11
He should be more reasonable and understanding
Post # 12
@perri: Heck ya go to comic-con. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to set your life around him. Go have fun with your friends this weekend, if he wants to see you that badly he can come to you.
Post # 13
That actually makes a lot of sense :p Thanks, he can be a bit pouty!
Thanks 🙂 LDRs are hard!
Thanks – I’m pretty sure my mind is made up, I’m just waiting on a reply to my text now – eep. He’s in and out of coverage all day so I’m a bit anxious as to what reply I’ll get!
Post # 14
It’s sounds like he’s having a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. I hope you don’t get more of the same after your text because it was very calm, fair and logical.
Does he do this often? If so I would be a little more concerned. My exH was like this. My children and I ended up being his ‘playthings’. We would be expected to do things/go places with him but he would take off by himself whenever he wanted and God forbid that we would have any plans then. We were supposed to sit at home waiting for him! Uh…NO!
Post # 15
Thanks for your reply. He is driving me crazy.
I’ve since heard back from him and when I said I don’t want him to hold it against me he said ‘Well that’s just the way it is’. How the holy heck do I get through to him? He’s being immature and mean and I just wanna throw something at him to get him to grow up and handle this like an adult! Argh!
I’m at my wits end. I dont want to end it over something stupid like this but at this stage I don’t know what to do. He took me out for our 4 year anniversary two weeks ago and keeps holding that over me, but I went and saw him since then.
I have no idea what to do girls! Help!
Post # 16
The only thing you can do is try to talk to him normally, but still hold your ground. He needs to grow up and realize you have a life, too!