(Closed) Where is the romance?!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Missus_LLC:  I’m sorry. I’m sure you are very disappointed.

Sometimes, life circumstances do interfere with our hopes and dreams for romance in a relationship, as well as our energy levels and willingness to make special plans. 

My Darling Husband was very romantic and extremely detail-oriented when we were dating and he was pursuing me.  However, because he has multiple children and a very demanding job, and between his schedule and the children’s schedules, there has been very little time for just us.  In fact, immediately after we returned from our honeymoon, I was still having to spend most of each week in another state and was spending only long weekends with him and the kids until I could sell my house there and resign my position at work and relocate to be with him full time.  When I did see my Darling Husband, almost all of his time was filled with other obligations and activities, and I was more than upset about this. It caused a great deal of conflict between us, because I was a new bride who was expecting that my DH would be making time for us to be together, and he was just in the midst of resuming his already full and busy life — just with me in the picture now.  Long story short, we ended up going to counseling, primarily over this issue, and we’ve had to learn how to communicate better and to be more intentional about making time for our marriage in the midst of life’s other demands.

Since you and your Fiance have been together for awhile, and you live together, and you have a child together, you’ve likely fallen into a bit of rut.  It will take time, thought, and energy for your Fiance to make special plans for the two of you.  He needs to understand that this is very important to the health of your marriage.  I should note that my Darling Husband has done a great job of this lately and really went above and beyond to make my major-milestone birthday this year very special for me, including taking me on a suprise trip to see my family!

It’s wonderful that your mother is attuned to the situation and has offered to help provide child care so that you and your Fiance can have the opportunity to celebrate your special day.  I’m sorry that your Fiance was, essentially, clueless as to the fact that he should have jumped at her generous offer. I don’t like to speak in sweeping generalities, because they definitely do not always apply. However, some men really are clueless about certain things, even after their wives, fiancees, or girlfriends have dropped hints — and sometimes even after we’ve tried to explain something to them plainly.  It can be very frustrating, I know! 🙂

Rather than being angry with him (which, by the way, I TOTALLY understand, LOL), could you try to let go of the anger and simply say to him, “Well, honey, I would really LOVE to go to (name of restaurant) for my birthday.  Since my mom has already offered to baby sit (baby), is it OK if we do this? It would mean a lot to me.”  He will probably say yes, and, even though it won’t mean as much to you as if he had planned the event himself, at least you’ll have an opportunity for a romantic dinner together.  🙂

Post # 5
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Missus_LLC:  You’re very welcome! HUGS! And an early Happy Birthday to you!! 🙂

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