(Closed) Where my young waiting bees at?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

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basicallyaissa:  I’m no longer waiting, but I was a waiting bee when I was 20. We got engaged when I was 22, married at 23. It is rather annoying how SOME bees will scoff at any concerns us younger ones have. Some points are valid, but the delivery could be made in a friendlier way. 

The big issue I have is that I also relate to people 10+ years older than me (so does DH). I am 24, and I have almost nothing in common with other 24-year-olds. Whenever I make a post about worrying about the future (back then it was marriage, now it’s kids), I try to leave my age out of it. 

Maturity is a case-by-case basis and cannot (foe the most part) be determined by age, and, as you mentioned, some people need to start worrying about a ticking biological clock, etc, sooner than others due to health issues. The maturity thing especially is proven when we have posts from bees who sound like whiny middle schoolers, only to later find out that they are 40. 

On a side note, I find it ironic that the same people (in real life) who thought we were getting married very young are now pressuring us to reproduce ASAP. No thanks!

 

Try not to let others get you down. You and your SO know what is best for you guys, and the rest of the world has no input on your life choices.

Post # 3
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

I’m guessing it was the comment in the thread about the 10 year wait that upset you?  I think the bee said that she didn’t consider anyone under the age of 23 as genuine “waiting/dating” or something like that?!

Anyway, I’m not your target audience cos I’m 32 but I totally get why you’d be upset by that.  Especially since you’ve outlined your own situation so yes, if children are what you want then you probably can’t wait around another 10 years.  So good for you for being proactive about planning your own life.

I think when bees say to others “oh you’re young, you have lots of time etc” it’s always coming from a good place.  They’re trying to say, look, don’t worry, things will work out for you, whether it’s with this guy or someone else.  I was in a relationship between 19 and 28 and we got married at 27 and it ended after a year.  But I don’t regret it – we changed and it didn’t work for us.  Perhaps we shouldn’t have gotten married – it all went downhill from there!!  There were other issues too but that’s just my story.  Plenty of bees will have stories where they met and married their high school sweetheart and 4 kids and 2 dogs later they’re blissfully happy πŸ™‚

But lucky you – I’d love to be 20 again even though I’m far more comfortable since turning 30 as I “get” me more, I think πŸ™‚  You have all of that to look forward to!

 

Post # 4
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly I found it somewhat offensive too,  but that bee has a really good point.

Biologically the brain isn’t fully developed until you are 25 and the part of the brain that is still developing heavily impacts your decision making.

I’m a completely different person than the person I was at 19 when I met Fiance.

 

I’m 27 now. I’m just lucky that my then SO and I changed together because many people change at different rates and become completely different people and end up breaking up.

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

I didn’t read said offensive post nor am I your target audience… I’m 26 (Just). But yes if I had read that I would have felt the same way as you… SO and I bought a house two years ago when I was 24, we moved in 2 years prior to that aged 22. Not for one moment would I get class us as an immature relationship… It’s what you go through together that builds the foundations. I know plenty of 40 year old whom you could class as in an immature relationship. 

Please know you are not alone in the feeling of panic about less than efficient reproductive systems! I suffer much like you do. And it is my number one worry… I am 26 and I have yet to get engaged, married and enjoy marriage before we start thinking about babies (my personal wishes) but this does freak me out!! 

Anyway, please don’t let other posts get to you too much, we are all individuals and should be respectes as that x

Post # 7
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

It’s never fair to group a whole group of people together. The difference between two 23 year olds can be light years. My fiance and I took a lot of heat because we started dating very young and there’s a bit of an age difference, but we are still together and a lot of the people who gave us trouble are divorced or single. I’m 24 now and we’re getting married in 2016. I’m glad we waited until now because I became a different person in college, I really found who I was and what I wanted in life. I thought I was ready in college to get married, but I definitely wasn’t.  But only you know where you are in your life, there isn’t a “right” way to do it. Statistically, younger couples are most likely to get divorced, sure, but that doesn’t mean you will. Just think it over long and hard because it is a lifetime committment not to be taken lightly. You do you, and I’m sure it will be great. πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

I think the bees who comment about someone being too young do generally come from a good place. I think it’s safe to say that most women, in their late 20’s, 30’s or older, would say that they changed a lot since they were early 20’s.  Hell, I have changed a ton since 25 and I am only just shy of 30.

And the kicker is, at 20 years old, I was convinced my boyfriend at the time was “the one.”  

That isn’t to say you are not mature enough for marriage.  Like you said, your body is presenting you with certain reproductive challenges and you don’t have all the time in the world.  I totally believe there are exceptions to the rule.  You sound like you very well may be one of them.

Sure, some people are ready for marriage, kids and the house at 21… there is really no accurate way to gauge it… but if there were, I would bet my life savings that the VAST majority are not ready.  Not even close.

 

Post # 9
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Akron, OH

View original reply
basicallyaissa:  I think if we were all to discuss something w/o mentioning age, we would find that a lot of us bees have things in common within ourselves or relationships. It’s only until someones mentions age that it becomes an issue. Insane! 

Post # 10
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I also read the thread you are talking about. I do think all the “Oh your still young” comments are meant with good intentions, maybe they just do not fully realize or respect how younger woman interpurt these comments. 

I am 20 years old and have been with my SO since I was 18 and he was 17. WEve only been dating for two years and we are young, hoever I know he plans on proposing soon. Many people think we are too young and show their concerns for us changing.

My personal view is this:

I love him. I have never met someone who makes me feel more myself than her does. We have been through some extreamly trying situations that many do not face until many years into their relationship. i am certain that as we grow older we will change, but I know that he is my love, my soulmate, and no matter what life throws at us- we will grow together. I am certain beyond a doubt that I was created to spend my life suporrting and loving him, I have no fears of divorce or what the future might bring- we will stay togehter and handle whatever is thrown at us. 

I am a Christain so I belive my faith plays into my feelings, I trust God’s will for my life and belive that my SO is meant to be my life partner. However, I understand this is not that case for everyone and I respect that everyone has different journey’s with love. 

Though it might erk me sometimes they was people view my relationship as “less than” I just remind myself that all that matter is my and my SO. If we are happy and confident in our relationship is dosnt matter.

Post # 11
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Just don’t worry about what other people think or say. Your life is your business and yours only. I’m 24 and want two kids before I’m 30, getting married this year. With luck I won’t have any issues conceiving, but who knows? It’s important to me to be a younger mom for a very good reason. 

When I was born, my dad was 42. Now he is 66 and, statistically, won’t live to see my future children graduate grade school. My oldest sister has a ten year old son, and I am envious that our dad will see her son graduate high school (God willing). 

Long story short, your reasons for getting married/having kids “young” are yours and yours alone. 

Post # 12
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

I’m 22 and soon-to-be (this week!) Fiance is 24. “Times have changed,” I guess, but my parents got married at 21 and 25. We aren’t planning on getting married until I am a few years into law school, but I don’t feel like we have an “immature” relationship. We are both adults with (multiple) college degrees, full time jobs, we live together, and are financially independent. That is NOT to say that those are the prerequisites to being “mature,” but you learn a lot about who you are as a person and how to work together with your partner when you are handling responsibility.

We are very fortunate to be able to dive into “real life” right away but I think a lot of people under 25 who are just starting out/in school/out on there own for the first time are still in the “growing up” phase so I can see why that Might be viewed as being “immature.”

Post # 13
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
basicallyaissa:  I’m also a young bee! Not waiting anymore, but did get married at 20. I try not to get too worked up when people say we are young & blah blah blah. a lot of people always told me I had such an old soul… Lol I had my party days but got out of that scene a lot younger than I thought! at age 18 I no longer went out partying doing all those rave stUff, I’m actually glad that I’m not like that! I like adventures! So it balances out and I am not missing out on anything! πŸ™‚ I also got off BCP about a year ago & haven’t gotten pregnant, I’m regular though & have been having my periods so no clue whats going on. Lol anyway, I totally feel yeah! Thanks for making this thread! 

Post # 14
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I wouldn’t take that poster’s opinion too seriously. Maturity level shouldn’t be stereotyped based on age, it should be based on the individual person. I’m only 22, but I have matured a lot because of my experiences. I lost my best friend when I was 17 and my Mom passed away from cancer 2 days after my 21st Birthday. People mature in diffierent ways and losing important people in my life has forced me to grow up sooner.

With that being said, if you believe that you’re mature then you have nothing to worry about. Just like couples under 25 shouldn’t be stereotyped, couples over 25 shouldn’t be either. There are so many couples over 25 who cheat on their spouse, argue about everything, and can’t even trust each other because their relationship aren’t mature enough. At the end of the day, all that really matters is that you’re happy with your relationship. 

Post # 15
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I am just turning 23 and I am so ready to be engaged. If you’re a mature adult and you know your relationship is serious, why is it any less important than a 40 year olds relationship?

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