(Closed) Where my young waiting bees at?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

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blondemoment:  Praise!!

Everyone has their own timeline, as I’m sure we have all heard before, but of course it’s still painful when you see people saying that you’re too young. I know couples that married in their 20s, 30s, but they are all happy and did what worked for them. I am 21, almost 22, and my SO is almost 23, and I believe that we are at the stage where we could be happy married, but I can’t imagine that scenario for everyone. We’re all different and we should embrace the diversity! Imagine how boring this forum would be if we all waited until we were 30 and at the same exact stages in life to decide we were ready.

Post # 32
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

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basicallyaissa:  I wouldnt say that I am a ‘waiting’ bee; I just love to come on here and look at all of the wedding stuff. Right now, I am 18, and my boyfriend is 21. I do not expect to get engaged for maybe another 1 or 2 years, but I am sure this is the guy I want to marry. Personally, I would be fine getting engaged when I am around 20. Before everyone freaks out on me, I think people need to understand background information. I started college when I was 16, so I will be graduatng when I am 20. If people expect me to wait 5 years after I graduate to get engaged, they are crazy. People tell me all of the time that there is no rush and that it is a bad idea to think about marriage so young. I think people asume that if you get married young, you havent done anything with your life. I studied abroad in Denmark. I am in a sorority. I volunteer almost every week. I never was into partying or anything similar, so that is irrelevant to me (drinking age in DK is 16). I think people should stop judging before they know the full story. My bfs sister just got married a few months ago (she is 25, husband was 22) for similar reasons to you. She thought she would have an imposible time getting pregnant, but she is pregnant right now. 

Post # 33
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

I am 24 (will turn 25 this summer) and my boyfriend of almost six years just turned 26.  (Although we are in a slightly different situation because we do NOT want children…I do want to get married in my 20s though!)

It’s funny, because so often I hear things like, “You’re young!  No rush to get married just yet,” but I come onto this site and I see a LOT of bees in their early 20s and it makes me feel old.  

Recently a few of my sorority sisters that graduated a year after I did have gotten engaged, so now I am starting to feel like an old maid.

Post # 34
Member
46 posts
Newbee

I’m 27, so out of your demographic, but I thought I’d throw in my thoughts. 

I don’t necessarily think that young 20s is a bad age to get married, but for most people, it is. It’s true that a lot of growth/change in personality occurs for MOST people in their 20s. From 18-23, I did a huge amount of change in terms of what I liked in relationships, my personality, and what I wanted in life. 

From 23 till now, I feel pretty stable in terms of personality, but can I guarantee that 10 years from now I won’t look back and think that I changed in my late 20s to mid 30s? Who knows. Maybe.

Actually, I definitely think I will change, but what has changed about me mentally from my early 20s to now is that in my early 20s I wasn’t willing or able to grow with the person I was with. I changed and found them boring or outgrew them. Now, as I change, I change with the person I’m with. They change, I change, I’m ok and accepting of that and that’s why I think I am now ready to get married vs then.

People who are successfully married in their early 20s are those who were able to change and grow with their partners. 

Post # 35
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

I’m a young waiting bee! I am 22 and SO is 21. We started dating in early high school (also no silly break ups every other week, etc). I used to get really irritated by comments about young relationships. They used to infuriate me since the one I was most used to hearing when we first started dating and for about 2 years after was from my mom saying “You’re too young to know what love is.” But I have learned how to do deal with those comments. At 16 did I know what love was? Probably not, or at least I didn’t fully understand it. But I know that what I was feeling is what I THOUGHT love was, and having someone tell you that that feeling isn’t true just because you are young can be hurtful.

Then I’d get family members saying (around 18/19 years old) “Aren’t you a little young for that kind of commitment/for being that serious about someone” because we were living together, sharing bills, etc.

And since around 20 years old, those same critical people have been asking me when I am getting married! It is funny how those things work. I think many people who did not marry young, just don’t understand it. Which is fine, but it is hurtful that people can be so hurtful or dismissive of your very real and very important relationship.

I am young, but I am not a child. I am fully capable of making the decision to get married and knowing that I could change and it might not work. But I also know that I have changed a lot (obviously) from 15 to 22 (as has SO) and we have been there for eachother and accepting each other along the way.

In the end I just decided that I feel sorry for those who can’t be supportive of my relationship because I am “young”. It is sad that they can’t see that there is no set age for love and maturity. And I just feel lucky that I did find SO so soon in life and that I can spend more time with him as my husband.

Post # 36
Member
38 posts
Newbee

I’m 24 but I was waiting since ~22/23, which is a bit younger than people I’ve talked to would think is wise. We’ve been living together since I was 21. We’re not planning on getting married for a few years yet, but I know what you mean, I too read that comment. While I do understand why people say that, it’s not really fair to lump everyone together like that. I have friends who are engaged/married and have careers and are fine, I also have a friend whose marriage has lasted less than 1 yr. But everyone has their own specific set of circumstances, and others should be respectful of that.

My SO and I have been together since I was 19 and he was 20, going on 21, and from the beginning he has always much more mature than people would stereotype guys his age to be (almost 26). He has a great career, is excellent with money management and in general a really stand-up guy. Honestly, if you and your SO have a good head on your shoulders and a clear vision for the future, and are willing to grow together through whatever changes the future may bring, then you have nothing to fear from other people’s opinions.

Post # 37
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

Also, what about people like me, where there is a noticeable (but not huge) age difference?

I’m young but when it comes to relationships, I know what I want in life. Ever since I was a kid I’ve known what I wanted. Through all the guys I’ve dated growing up, I haven’t changed my mind about it, in fact it’s made me even more sure. I’m 23 and I don’t see how that will change.

Post # 38
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Hello, I will be 24 this year. My boyfriend (22) and I met through our families. Our grandmas have been best friends for 40 years, so our families have been close. Everyone is pestering me about us getting married (I tell them it’s up to him to propose haha). 

We have been dating three and a half years and I am having such a hard time waiting. We have been living together for three years and have known since the very beginning (neither of us were looking for just amother relationship and had told eachother we weren’t going to date anyone until we knew we would marry them. :))

We know we are getting married someday and I know it will be in the next few years. Some people just don’t understand, but we do want to be married young and have kids by/before we are 30. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Mikaila.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  Mikaila.
Post # 39
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Hey there, I’m a similar situation as yours, and I’m 21, engaged, but the response we got after the engagement was “it was about time”! I to have a cyst on my right ovary, 5cm by 10cm, and children are of question too! But that was not the reason we decided on getting engaged, it is mainly because we had been together for 4 years, have a house together and felt like it was time. We decided to make our own time line, and just go with the flow. Whatever people think is their business and wont affect me. All I know is I’m enjoying my engagement while some 40 year old might still be waiting for hers because it’s not the right time for her, but that wont affect me much!

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