(Closed) Where To Cut The Guest List

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think the light reception after the ceremony works really well in this situation. One of my mom’s brother’s family is super involved in their church, and so everyone wanted to come. They had a public ceremony, then punch and snacks afterwards. They didn’t have a formal reception afterwards, more of a southern bbq, but it went well enough that they did it for both kids.

IMO, this is one of the only situations where it is completely acceptable to invite some people to the ceremony and not the reception.

Post # 4
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, we’re thinking about having the ceremony at our church (if the reception isn’t 90 min away, haven’t decided yet).  If we do, our church family will be invited since all church ceremonies are always open (in ours), but that means only that we will announce the week before that people are welcome to come and see us be married at 2 o’clock, they won’t get paper invitations.  Then there will be cupcakes and punch or something for 15 min, then family and friends will get in their cars and go to the reception site.  At least for us, church members we’re not super-close to won’t expect any more than that, and won’t be dressed up at all.  Most of them probably won’t even come, frankly.  I asked my pastor and she said this is totally normal in our church.  I feel that people who are really happy for you just want to support your marriage but understand that they are not close friends.  I guess what it comes down to is would you be offended if they did it with you? 

My calculus might be different from yours, though, given that 1/3 of our tiny congregation is homeless men, many with mental issues….the joys of an urban outreach church! 

Post # 5
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Tiger lily sounds like you have a good idea .. and if you have people asking about the reception just be honest and say it was hard to cut people out but you have a big fam and had to money wise.

Post # 6
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was a guest at a wedding where the groom was the son of the minister of the church where the couple got married. They had an open ceremony that the entire congergation was invited to with a punch and cake reception at the church immediately following the ceremony. Later in the evening, there was an invite-only dinner reception. I thought it was a very nice way to accomodate the entire church family. I agree with monitajb that this is one of the few scenarios where it’s okay to invite guests to the ceremony but not the main reception. Just make sure you’re discreet about the reception later in the evening. There were still people at the wedding I attended that were upset that they weren’t invited to the dinner reception (which they openly disclosed to me even though I had never met them before – yikes!). Remember, you can’t please everyone 🙂 Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m in the same situation, but we just joined the church in April of 2009 (10 months ago) and although we know everybody (pretty much) we’re not that close to them. I know that some of them will want to come and we are leaving the ceremony open for church members, but I really don’t think that many of them will go. We are hoping they won’t come to the reception since there will be loud music. But we don’t know yet.

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