Post # 1
So, I am helping a coworker plan her wedding, and we keep running into the dreaded problem of whom to include on the limited guestlist. To sum up, she wants to invite 10 out of the 15 coworkers. The invited people are close to her. Is the proportion of invited to non-invited too high? What do you all think?
Post # 3
I’m not going to be inviting everyone that I work with. Probably only around 2-3 out of 20-25. My way of resolving this being awkward is to message them on Facebook or personally ask them for their address so that no one else knows they have been invited.
Post # 4
Ouch, I know if I were one of the five my feelings would for sure be hurt.
Post # 5
I would be hurt if I was one of the five, too. At that ratio, it would seem more like she doesn’t like them rather than she’s just not close to them.
Post # 6
I actually think it’s fine. My rulle for co-workers was I only invited people who I hung out with outside of the office. If she has a friendly relationship with these people outside of work then she should invite them. And, not matter what the proportion of invited to uninvied she should just remind those who are invited to be discreet since not everyone is included.
Post # 7
For those that said the proportion is high, what would be a “better” proportion? Half? We are trying to figure out where the social norm line is…
Post # 8
I think this is potentially hurtful, and potentially okay. It really depends on whether or not there’s a clear line between the 10 and the 5. For example, do the 10 regularly hang out outside of work, and the 5 don’t? Are the 10 from department A, and the 5 are from department B? Are the 5 managers? If there’s a clear line or difference that most people will recognize, then it’s okay. If it seems arbitrary, feelings could be hurt.
Post # 9
I would be hurt too… but I’m going through the same situation. I want to leave out two of my coworkers. I never talk to them unless it’s staff lunch which happens every 6 months. Anyway, I feel bad for leaving them off. But I also feel weird asking them to come if we all know that we never talk to each other. I hope you figure out your situation! I’m going to ask my coworker for advice as well!
Post # 10
@Beluga: Exactly. It depends on her work situation. If the 10 hang out all the time/have lunch/talk etc and the other 5 hang out in a different circle, then yes, I would think that it would be fine. But if all 15 really do hang out together then that’s an icky situation.