(Closed) Where to draw the line?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You are going to have to go with you own feelings on this one. I have two sisters who are in it and two very close friends. I then latter asked my FI’s sister which I wasn’t planning on doing but felt guilty cause her husband was asked to be a groomsman. Now they are separated (after 4 month of marriage) and he is no longer in the wedding and she obviously is. The thing with asking certain people to be in your wedding is that you should pick the one’s who really care about you and your big day and not just them wanting to be in a wedding. I say this cause the FI’s sister never calls me or asks me anything about the wedding or shower and its (wedding) about 4 months away. Good luck these are very hard decisions. I would just say go with your gut instinct and don’t worry so much about hurting some one’s feelings its your day.

Post # 4
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

If your ideal number is 4, you should discuss this with your fiance. If he has more than 4 guys in mind, then mention they’ll make perfect ushers.

You should never feel obligated to have someone in your wedding. Ever. This is such a special day for you and your husband!! You want to be surrounded by those who are closest to you. If you aren’t close to your cousin or your cousin’s wife, I would not make them a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Hands down.

As for the rekindling of your friendship with a former good friend, I would still give her a special place. Maybe as a guestbook attendant or reader during the ceremony? That is still such an important part of the wedding.

 Your wedding party should consist of the girls (and guys!) you two are closest with. There is no rule that you have to have someone as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, if you were in their wedding. Keep that in mind!!


Hope that helps!!  


Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Try to decide whether having just 4 is more important to you then what it would mean for the other girls to be included as Bridesmaid or Best Man.  (If there are 6 groomsmen, I would personally opt for an even match.)   However, it sounds as though even if you include the 2 girls, there will be other girls from high school who will be hurt.  You can’t always keep from hurting people’s feelings.  Sometimes people will feel like it indicates they don’t mean as much to the bride as the bride does to them.  (Which may or may not be true.) 

I don’t think you need to ask the cousin’s wife just because she asked you.  I had girls in my wedding party who didn”t ask me.  I understood way before they got married, that that would be the case.  They have lots of sisters and SIL’s etc. Or didn’t have a wedding party, just MOH and best man.

As for the girl who you’ve become close to, it also doesn’t seem as though you need to ask her.  She didn’t ask you, even though her wedding was fairly recent.  And if your relationship has gotten close, just within the past year, I don’t think she needs to qualify for a Bridesmaid or Best Man spot.  However, if you really want to include her, I don’t think the cousin’s wife should necessarily feel snubbed because of her.  Would she know enough to size up that that relationship?  And as for the two girls from high school you’ve lost touch with, try not to feel guilty about them.


Post # 6
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

For starters, I don’t think you should feel obligated to have someone in your wedding because you were in theirs.  As far as the number goes, only you know your relationship with these people, so you just have to go with your gut.  Also, depending on what you are gifting them, you have to think about your personal finances.  Adding 2 extra people might mean paying for 2 more hair-dos, manicures, etc. so think about that also.  Whatever you do, don’t have people in your bridal party out of guilt, you need to do what makes you happy.

Post # 7
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with Lillindy–you shouldn’t feel obligated to include someone in your wedding party just because they included you in theirs. Your BMs should consist of the girls (and maybe boys) that you would like to stand up for you on your wedding day, not just because you feel "bad" or "guilty" and threw them into the mix.

Give the cousin’s wife a special job while your cousin is being the usher/GM. Perhaps you can ask her to hand out programs for the wedding, or bags of rice or rose petals to throw. Maybe she can do a special prayer during the ceremony or help with the guestbook duties. The same goes for the two friends from high school.

 Hope you figure things out soon!


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