Where to find a childfree guy

posted 2 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

There is no one particular place where all the childfree men hang out. You find them where you would find non childfree men (libraries, online, clubs and bars (if that’s your thing), at work), etc. However, you will have the most options to find men online.

Post # 3
Member
3184 posts
Sugar bee

I would try online dating and be clear about what you want on your profile.

Post # 4
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

My fiance and I are not planning on having children.  This was something that gave me anxiety when I dated.  I think the one thing I realized is that more men are in the ‘possibly, maybe’ camp.  I was honest up front about where I was at when we’d been dating a bit.

Post # 5
Member
863 posts
Busy bee

You could date men who are 40 or 50. Even if they have kids they will probably be adults or close to.

Post # 6
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

Where do you live? It feels like hardly anyone wants children anymore in Europe. I hardly know any guys that want kids and over half my friends and family are childfree there. I moved to US and whilst more people have children here I still know plenty of childfree guys, mainly around early 30s in academia/research. I dont know where you could meet childfree guys in person but if you have an online profile, make it really clear. You could also try childfree forums in your area. I also agree with others about looking for older guys (and consider if you would be open to a guy who already has older or adult children from a past marriage). 

Post # 7
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

They’re probably hiding with all the rich ones

Post # 8
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee

If you live in a large city, you will have better luck finding men who don’t have kids or don’t want kids. I have friends who have met guys who are child-free through friends or extra-curricular activities/sports but mostly through online dating where they were very specific about not wanting kids.  Just be completely upfront about what you want/don’t want and that will make it easier to find someone suited for you.

Post # 9
Member
1794 posts
Buzzing bee

Write on your dating profile “I never want children”- you have to be upfront and let men know this is a deal breaker for you.

Post # 10
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I agree with the PP. There is not any “Child Free” lounges that I know of, so you are just going to have to be upfront when you meet men. I know that a lot of people say “If you are single past age ____ you are going to be a step parent” but I don’t think this is true at all. More and more people are living child free. 

Also, how old are you? If you are age appropriate, maybe dating men who would have adult children would work with you.

 

Best of Luck, Bee! 

 

Post # 11
Member
333 posts
Helper bee

I’m sure you will find someone who has no kids.   Perhaps child free forums or clubs?  

Post # 12
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel like the bigger and more expensive the city, the more likely you are to find people who are not interested in having children.  People often live in these cities because they are career oriented and the barriers to having children in a place like SF or NY are very high.

But really, the only way to navigate this is to be clear about it when you’re dating.  Probably not 1st date material, but if you are starting to get serious with someone it’s something you should talk about.  

Post # 13
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

It is hard but possible. I also never wanted kids but I ended up falling in love with a man that has kids from a previous marriage. I guess it’s the best of both worlds. He can be the father that he wants to be every other weekend, and during the week we live a childfree life! It also helps that I don’t have to be concerned about him changing his mind about having kids in the future because he’s content with the ones he already has.

good luck bee!

Post # 14
Member
391 posts
Helper bee

Just get out there and date.  Be open and honest about not wanting children.  That’s what I did and I found a guy who never wanted children (and did not have any either or that would have rule him out).  Don’t stick around with a guy who isn’t willing to give you want you want.

Post # 15
Member
10876 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

CanMurph :  

Yup.  Online mature guys are the way to go.  I never wanted kids either and I sure as hell never wanted to have to raise other people’s kids.

A few caveats:  guys in their 40s often have teenagers—good luck with that.  But, if you don’t move in with him right away, in a few years, they may well be out of his day to day life.  But, also beware—some dads, especially with daughters, will keep giving them inordinate amounts of money well into adulthood.  If things get serious someday, that could be your money, too.  Make sure you have clarity on that early on.

Caveat Number Two:  Dads who think their kids are so wonderful, they’re sure they can sell you on them.  There are lots of these guys. Annoying, but endearing at the same time.  It actually worked on me once—the guy had two truly amazing boys.  I could never work up any romantic interest in their dad, to their great disappointment, but we did become dear friends.

Guys in their 50s are the most likely to have adult children.  Older guys have a lot going for them, not the least of which is—there kids are GONE.  Dh’s kids are 26 and 30, lovely ages for children.

On the downside, with older guys you do have to worry about future health issues, but not so much as you might think.  People who grew up in the olden days didn’t live on fast food and they discovered fitness in the 1970s.  A lot of us don’t think, act, dress, look, or sound our ages.

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