Post # 1
My bf and I (I don’t feel right calling him fi yet; I’m not getting my ring until this summer when I go visit him) have started talking about where we are going to get married. It’s already starting to stress me out a little, and we haven’t even REALLY started planning anything! Although, thinking of him all dressed up in a kilt on our wedding day calms me down and makes me not care at all where we get married 😉
I would love to get married at the Eilean Donan Castle in the Scottish Highlands. But I would also love to have my family there (I come from a large Italian-American family, and getting married in Scotland means that only my parents, aunts and uncles will be there; my grandparents are all too old to take a trip like that, and I would never expect my cousins to spend that much money). We were thinking of having a ceremony at the castle followed by a small dinner with just our parents and siblings, and then doing a reception here in NY. The problem with that is, his family wouldn’t travel all the way to NY for his wedding if there wasn’t an actual ceremony and he is already married (I guess it’s a religious/cultural thing that I don’t understand). I’m trying to figure a way where everyone wins, but it’s hard!
Is it possible to have a ceremony and reception in NY without legally being married, and then flying to Scotland to sign the marriage certificate? An ironic kind of eloping on your honeymoon… I’m not sure if this is possible. Or would we have to get legally married first and then have a whole ceremony and reception? Would there be different visas involved in something like this?
Talking about all this stuff from 3,000 miles away is hard enough, especially when you don’t want to leave anyone out!
Post # 3
@ifwinterends: Have you discussed where you’re going to live after the wedding?
My suggestion (and this is because my brother was almost going to marry someone who originated from the Ukraine and we’re in Canada)
Get married and have a service and reception for the family in the country you will NOT be living in and invite immediate family from the other country to this reception as well.
Have a reception and perhaps small vow ceremony, for the other side of the family in the country you will be living in after the wedding, immediate family would be invited to this one as well.
You can’t be upset if people do not attend BOTH services as thats really a lot to place on people but it would be a nice way to include everyone. If immediate family wants to make the international trip they can, but if not, oh well. Thats a reality you have to face and thus the reason in holding both receptions.
My brother was going to do that, get married in the Ukraine and have a receoption for her family there (his immediate family invited to attended if we wished) and then a 2nd reception in Canada with a small vow service and her immediate family would be invited if they wished.
Everyone was happy with this arrangement.
Post # 4
Well, either way we are planning on two separate things in each country. The thing is, we really are trying to work out our wedding to legally be in Scotland. I have read it’s not proper “etiquetdte” to wear your wedding dress again after your wedding day in the setting of a 2nd wedding; that it looks like you are just gift grubbing. But in this situation, I’m sure everyone would throw that type of etiquette out the window.
Post # 5
Oh, and, what your brother was going to do sounds like it was a great idea!
Post # 6
I’m American, FI is Scottish (He lives here brut his parents are still in Glasgow)
we are getting married in Scotland. If you legally marry it here, it’s recognized here. You don’t have to do two legal ceremonies.
To get married in Scotland, YOU need a marriage visa. You have to apply for this, with a stupid amount of paperwork, to be able to marry in Scotland. If you get married here, you FI will need a fiancé visa and all the paperwork that goes with that.
there are you planning to live after the wedding? That is where I’d do the legal ceremony.
Post # 7
In 2 weeks I leave for Scotland (he’s about an hour or so outside of Glasgow) and will be spending 4 1/2 months there (SO EXCITED!). During that time we are going to decide where to live. He loves it here in NY, but wants me to spend enough time over there to see what living there would be like, so we can decide what’s best for us. Thanks for all the advice about visas; seems like a more annoying process rather than a complicated one. I just worry that a visa in either country would be hard for either of us to obtain since we both do not make a lot of money in our respective careers (neither of us are poor or anything, but I read somewhere that you need a certain salary requirement and we both fall short by just a little). Right now, I think that’s my biggest concern. Do you know, once you are married, if you still need a sponsor? I’m a little unclear about that. Thank you!
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
@ifwinterends: sweetie good luck with all of this. We lived in spain but im from UK and FI from US. It is stressful deciding im not going to lie but in the end we decided on US, the wedding is in the US (due to visa reasons, logistics, who can travel vs who cant it just worked out better)
But we refused to do the wedding in his home state. Everybody has to travel for it, it seemed only fair. Does that mean some people wont come, yes. The important people should though. My family happy because they get a holiday and its now sounding fun but they werent always happy about it. Same with his. People do come around and change their minds.
Also remember to do what makes you happy 🙂