(Closed) Where to send invites to couples not living together?

posted 9 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - The Pierre Hotel

I’m not sure what the proper etiquette is in this situation, but I would probably send it to the person that you are closer to.  In the event that you’re close to both people, send it to the woman (because of the invitation appreciation issue; I know I would appreciate the invitation a lot more than my FH!).  Hope this helps!

Post # 4
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I used the rule of send to the person I’m close to, OR the person who lives on their own (I have one close girl friend whose fiance just moved into ‘their’ house while she still lives at home).  They’re getting married just 5 weeks after us.  So I sent to the new house address:

Mr. William Jones
Miss Catherine Smith 
Address 

In the end, I would lean towards sending it to the woman because she is more likely to RSVP, etc.  (I went to visit my fiance last week and he had two barely opened wedding invitations laying on his bookshelf–hadn’t RSVPed for either one!)   

I don’t think you need to send two invitations for sure–the RSVPs will get really confusing! 

 

Post # 5
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

i agree with wheresmydessert – that’s basically what i did when this came up for invites. and i haven’t gotten any negative feedback. in general, i stressed alot about where to send and how to address invites, and in the end i don’t think anyone pays as much attention as the bride and groom! haha.

Post # 6
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

I think *technically* they are each supposed to get their own invite.  What *I* did, since that was completely impractical, is send the invite to the person I was closer to, with both names written on the inner envelope.

Post # 7
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

they get their own invite, or you send the invite to the one you are closest to, with "and guest". You should not make assumptions on who your guests will bring as their guests, plus, if there is a breakup, it is much less awkward.

Post # 8
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would say whoever you are closer with but if that is not applicable (and the whoever lives on their own isn’t applicable) then I would suggest sending it to whomever you think would be more … careful … with the invite (not sure if thats the right word). What I mean is, I have girlfriends who are in serious relationship with guyfriends of ours, they dont live together but it is a very serious relationship, I’d send the invite to the girl because she wouldn’t just throw it aside lol.

Also I disagree about sending "& guest" is assuming. If you have a steadfast rule that you are inviting only serious relationships with a guest, then obviously you know the persons name. I have received invites that say my name & guest, when I’ve been with Fiance for 6 years and the person KNOWS him. I think its rude if you put "& guest" if you know who the guest is. If you are inviting others with "& guest" (those who aren’t in relationships) then yes, its appropriate there.

Post # 9
Member
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

i agree if they live apaert they get seperate invites and if you wouldn’t invite the partner solo then the one you would invite should get a +1

Post # 10
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to make it clear who is invited as their guest, if you’re not inviting all guests with a +1.  As the host of the party, you have every right to "make assumptions about who your guests will bring as their guests."  It’s not up to your guests to determine your guest list.  (If you’re inviting all guests with a +1, obviously this does not apply)

Post # 11
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Etiquette dictates that each person should get their own invite if the couple is not living together but both will be invited to the wedding.  However, no one says you have to follow etiquette! 

Post # 12
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would consider who you would want to come in the event of a break up. If both would still be welcome, then they should both get their own invite. If you are better friends with one (say, the woman) and the gentleman would not be close enough to recieve an invite, send it to her. You just want to make sure that all the guests are clear about whether they are still invited in the event of a break up.

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I did the same and sent it to the person I was closest to with their SO listed. Typically though, send to the women because they are usually more on top of RSVP’s and putting it on the calendar than the men. The guys all RSVP’ed via text message during dinner….with my Fiance, lol.

And agreed, if a breakup occurs, call and let them know they’re invited still but you didn’t want to insult them by sending separate invites. I would be weirded out if my Fiance and I received separate invites to a wedding while we were just dating still. 

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