Post # 1
I have a dilema on hand. My FI’s brother is his best man. He is in a longdistance relationship with a girl that lives several states away from him. They have visited each other approx 3 times. well his brother wants to bring her to the wedding. We said fine but we didn’t feel comfortable with her staying her at our apartment since we have never met her. Well now his parents want us to allow this girl to stay here in our apartment during the week of our wedding. I get along really well with his parents but I don’t like the idea of his family using this as a chance to get to meet/know his brother’s girlfriend. If it were for a different occasion i wouldn’t mind. Also All of us ladies will be in my hometown (1 hour from where we live) getting our hair done etc the day of the wedding while the guys will be here (where we live) doing their thing. So where does that leave her? Do I have to take her with us ladies while we r getting our hair done? or does she stay here with the guys? I don’t think either is right. If they were in a serious relationship and my Fiance actually liked her I think things would be different.
What do u bees think?
Post # 3
I personally would tell your future ILs that you aren’t comfortable with letting a stranger stay in your house, especially during your wedding and the days leading up to it. Why can’t she stay with them? Or get a hotel close by? She can’t stay with your FBIL??
Post # 4
She’s not a part of the wedding party, so she can hang out at the house or go shopping or something.
Post # 5
Well his parents will be staying with us as well because they live 800 miles away. His brother lives in another state from us as well.
Post # 6
Where are his parents staying? If they are staying with you then yes, this girl should stay with the family, that is, your FI’s family. It also means that she should stick with your Future Mother-In-Law. So if your Future Mother-In-Law is going with you to get ready, she would come too.BUT If your FI’s family is not staying with you, then she needs to stay with them and help them wherever she can. That’s her role as FI’s brother’s girlfriend.
I realise it’s a little awkard because you haven’t met her, but look at it the other way, she must be so nervous being invited to the wedding and finally meeting everyone!
Post # 7
I would definitely not let her stay in my apartment. If you want to be nice and invite her to hang around while you’re getting ready with your girls, that’s your call…but I personally wouldn’t want anyone around who isn’t in the wedding party, or at least someone I know and get along with!
Post # 8
She deserves to stay wherever your FI’s brother is staying, and if it’s with you, so be it. I do not think you have to include her in the getting ready stuff, bridesmaids outings, etc. but it’s really rude to expect her to find somewhere to stay without the family.Who knows, this girl could be your future sister in law someday.
Also, I’m a little bit confused by this statement: I don’t like the idea of his family using this as a chance to get to meet/know his brother’s girlfriend. If it were for a different occasion i wouldn’t mind.
What do you mean?
Post # 9
@babylou:It just seems like the only reason she would be coming to the wedding is to meet his parents. I don’t know much about the girl. I just know that my Fiance doesn’t like her and doesn’t approve of his brother dating her. From what I know of her she loves to be the center of attention and I don’t get along with people like that. If it were Christmas or some other occasion it wouldn’t be a big deal at all. I just don’t know how everyone will get along and I don’t want any drama on my wedding day.
Post # 10
@nursejp06: I couldnt vote as i dont really like any of the choices…
but here are my tow cents
She should be allowed to come, but she is a big girl so she can get a hotel and go shopping during the day and do whatever and the come to the wedding.
My sister was dating a guy for a couple of months and SHE invited him to my HOUSE when i was getting ready..i was pissed. He sat and watched “wedding disaster videos” while i was getting my hair done…he didnt need to be there, i was mad that he was there and I wanted him gone. you should not have to feel uncomfortable on your wedding day.
Post # 11
Hm..maybe you would be ok letting them all stay for some time up to the wedding, but on the night before and the night of the wedding, request (*tell them*) that they stay in a hotel. This at least gives you a little reprieve right around when you’ll be most stressed and need your space. If it’s your and FI’s place and he’s not a fan of his brother dating her, you’re well within your right to ask them to get rooms. You don’t need to accept a lot of guests into your home if it’s going to just cause stress.
Post # 12
I don’t know what to do about this situation. i don’t want to see like a mean person which I’m not. Its just not fair that …
1. We don’t really know her.
2. my Fiance doesn’t really like her from what he’s heard about her.
3. His brother and his Gf have only seen each other on 3 occasions.
4. It;s not fair for me and my BM’s to bring a stranger with me to get hair done etc.
5. Its not fair to Fiance and groomsmen to have her hang out with them on the day of the wedding. they r entitled to guy time.
I am considering friend requesting her on FB so that i can get a better idea of who she is/ get to know her a little so that I can make a decision.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
@MrsSl82be: & @kperry3: I agree.
I think you can be friendly with her without her staying in your home; you’ve never met her. It doesn’t seem unreasonable to refuse having her stay there, and I’m not sure why the parents wouldn’t let her stay with them. If you want to friend her on FB to get to know her, I think that’s ok, but if it were me, it wouldn’t help me get to know someone (the interwebs are pretty impersonal, even FB).
I didn’t vote either since there are a few issues.
1. Have her stay with the ‘rents or a hotel, not your place.
2. If you don’t want her with you and your wedding party, tell her no.
Post # 14
@nursejp06: Here is my advice in the order that you numbered them:
1. That’s fine that you don’t know her. But she is coming with your Future Brother-In-Law, so you aren’t responsible for her, he is.
2. Also fine that he doesn’t like her… not really sure what advice to give you there.
3. Why does it matter if they’ve only seen each other 3 times before? You can have a long distance relationship and be fine… I have one.
4. Don’t bring her to get ready with you, it’s not her place to be there and you shouldn’t have to worry about her. Again, it’s your FBIL’s responsibility to take care of her and make sure she is ok.
5. Better yet, let her be an adult and do things on her own before the wedding. I agree that your Fiance shouldn’t have to hang out with her… so tell her that because it’s your wedding day, she needs to find something to do.
That’s all I can really say. Besides, don’t stress about it, and really don’t feel like you have to be hostess… it’s your wedding day and you deserve attention on you AND a stress-free environment. 🙂
Post # 15
I would just tell your Future Brother-In-Law that you are more than willing to suggest some nearby hotels with reasonable rates. So there are no arguments I would say something along the lines of: “I am looking forward to meeting “girlfriend”, but I think it would be best if she were to stay in a hotel. I am sure you two will want some alone time to catchup and it is going to be hectic as we prepare for the wedding. The day of the wedding is going to be a little chaotic with all the appointments and last minute details, and I don’t want her to feel like she’s “in the way”. I hope you understand, and let me know if you need hotel suggestions.” You don’t have to mention that this will also reduce your stress, but stating this way may get less argument from Future Brother-In-Law and Future In-Laws. Good luck…that’s a sticky situation. I would also be careful about how I word it in case Future Brother-In-Law and “girlfriend” do get serious in the future…you don’t want future awkwardness.
Post # 16
Have you or your Fiance or anyone in the family ever met her?
I would like to share a perspective from the other side, as in married. 🙂
My Brother-In-Law was bringing a date to our wedding, again a non committal, we are just friends kind of date. Granted they all stayed at a hotel because they were out of state and we live 8hrs away from NYC where we decided to get married. And my husband and I stayed at my family’s home. So we didn’t have to worry about whether to let her stay at our house or not. But if that were the case it wouldn’t be an issue to us with this particular girl because we had met her 3 times and trust our Brother-In-Law that she’s not a bad person or anything like that!
But the weeks and months leading up to the wedding I was very torn on this as well. All the girls (MIL, my mom, my SILs/BM, MOH) were getting hair & makeup professionally done and we were paying for it. So I was concerned since the date was coming should I invite her? If I do should I pay for her hair & makeup as well? Obviously we love my Brother-In-Law and since she is his date we wanted to treat her well. And she will be a wedding guest as well.
I was exactly like you, thought up 50 million scenarios of what ifs.
We had only met her 3 times prior to the wedding and were both leaning towards not really liking her. Afraid that my Brother-In-Law who was the best man would be too worried about catering to her than being a best man, etc.
Well when the wedding finally came to. The date was an IMMENSE help. She immediately pitched in the days leading up to help with all the last minute DIY projects. Instead of going to visit with friends in town she stayed behind to help us with projects. Never once complained. Didn’t have to ask her to help, she just did. She was an immense help to my other Brother-In-Law #1 and my ILs in helping with Brother-In-Law #1’s 2 young girls because his wife did not come to the wedding (another story).
On the day of she again pitched in w/o asking in putting together the gum paste flowers for the cake, Setting out all our DIY projects. Again she helped watch Brother-In-Law #1’s 2 girls while giving my ILs a breather. I worried about whether she should sit in the limo with us when I really did not want her to bc I wanted it all just the wedding party. Well she automatically drove with the ILs without us saying anything.
So anyway, I just wanted to share because we too like you were worried about the date. But in the end it all worked out and it was GREAT having her at the wedding. Our opinion of her really changed after the wedding.