Post # 1
This is mainly for brides living in states or other places where their marriage would not be legally recognized. I’m planning to propose soon and have been thinking about what we will do for ourselves. We currently live in a state where gay marriage is not legal. Our home state, where our families live, is the same way (although it was briefly legal, but there was a stay passed on any future marriages and I don’t know if/when it will be lifted.) Personally I’d rather get married in some place that holds meaning for us, either where we live now or somewhere in our home state, but then our ceremony would not be legally binding.
If you did have your ceremony in a nonlegal place, did you also travel to another place to make it legal?
Post # 2
Fiance and I live in PA where equality just passed a couple weeks ago, – yay! – but we were planning on marrying whether it passed or not. My family is from Erie (not far from the NY border) so we were going to go up to Niagara Falls to get legally married a day or two before, then have our ceremony with the extended family here in PA.
What is your home state? I would keep an eye on it’s status, and even your current state that you live in could have something pass soon. I believe North Dakota is the only state with a ban that isn’t fighting it yet, so it’s just a matter of time now. Hang in there!
Post # 3
We’re having our ceremony/reception in our home state and then taking a tiny roadtrip to Iowa the week after the wedding to do the legal portion at the courthouse. It was important to both of us that we be legally married, even if it isn’t recognized where we live.
I can’t wait to marry her twice!
Post # 4
My Girlfriend and I had talked about having our wedding in our home state (MN) and then going down to Iowa for the legal portion. To us there was something special about having the wedding in our home state surrounded by our family and friends. Thankfully MN has since passed marriage equality (yay!). Keep an eye on your state though, marriage bans are being fought everywhere! Keep us posted on what you decide! 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn
We started planning our wedding last May, when it was not legal in our state. Our plan was to travel to California or Washington after our wedding for a legal marriage, because our state would recognize that. Luckily our states marriage ban was over turned last month, so our marriage in September will be legal! We feel lucky it worked out this way.
Post # 6
LadyCapricorn: Even if you choose to have your ceremoney where it isn’t legal, I would definitely do a quicky wedding somewhere it is legal. That way, at least the federal government will recognize your marriage. And so far, every time it has been challenged, a state that doesn’t authoprize gay marriage outright has to recognize valid marriages from other states.
Post # 7
We’re having our wedding ceremony where we live (Atlanta, GA) and then traveling somewhere else immediately afterward to do the legal part.
Post # 8
I’m straight, and don’t generally like to intrude on these kinds of threads, but my wedding is two weeks away and I’m so excited 🙂 It just so happens that we’re getting married in SF during pride weekend, on the one-year anniversary of the first post-prop-8 same sex weddings in CA. Our officiant is going to say something about how it’s crucial for all couples to have the right to have their union legally recognized, and that the fight is not over.
Two of the members of our wedding party got married in Masachusetts, where they lived, when it was one of very few states where it was legal, and never had a ceremony in either of their home states, where their marriage is still not recognized.
Post # 9
My fiancee and I currently reside in Northern VA but we are getting married and having our ceremony in neighboring DC. We are hoping they make turnover official but if not, once we our lease is up (6 months after the wedding), we are headed to DC or MD where it’s legal and we wont have any issues!
Post # 10
LadyCapricorn: We are looking at ceremony venues on our current town. Here our marriage isn’t legal, and it probably won’t be for a long time (if ever!!!). If we end up having our ceremony here, we plan on taking a trip back to my home town to make it legally official! We both have family in my home town, so it’ll work out perfectly. Hopefully we will be moving back there soon anyway!!! 🙂
Post # 11
Thank you all for the many responses! It’s fascinating to hear how people navigate this issue. We live in Virginia, so I suppose we could go to DC to do the legal ceremony either before or after the wedding. It would probably be just the two of us there though. Our homes are farther away, in Michigan, and it is currently our dream to be married there.
Post # 12
We live in the DC metro area in MD and got married in 2012. At the time, marriage in MD was not legal (through it was voted on and passed the Tuesday following our Saturday wedding). Our wedding ceremony and reception were at Woodend Sanctuary in MD but at midnight the night before we signed our DC marriage certificate at the home of a dear friend who lives in the District to fulfill the legalities. Our wedding party and their partners/spouses joined us and we stood around and smiled together and then went home and rested up for the big day. It was a nice calm moment before the exciting whirlwind of the next day.