(Closed) Which comes 1st…deciding to commit or meeting the right person?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
3322 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

  from my own view I’ve always wanted and been ready to commit. So that’s not been an issue for me. What was , was finding the right person.

I was engaged twice before because I was ready. However both the men only proposed as they saw that as the next step, but either was ready for commitment .

when my husband and I met we both wanted and were ready for a committed loving relationship.

so in summery 1. Commitment 2. The person

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Post # 3
2317 posts
Buzzing bee

I do not think I consciously decided that I was ready for commitment in a relationship.  I was happy and my life was amazing and when my SO came around it was even better. 

I did consciously decide that I was ready for commitment in the form of a marriage with my SO.  

Post # 4
236 posts
Helper bee

For me it was meeting the right person. I wasn’t against commitment but I was definitely not looking for it. When I met my SO I was looking for casual sex and that was it, but we started dating ing and I really liked him and my mindset changed. 

Post # 5
522 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s a combination of both. I wasn’t against commitment when I met my SO, but we were both very young. He was right for me and I was right for him, so we decided together to commit. 

Post # 6
3902 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

By 26 I was tired of singledom and dating and I was ready to find the person with whom I will have a commited relationship and start a family. And I targeted my search, I filtered my results, I looked for the person who has the sikilar life goals and values and was not afraid to voice that. I was looking for someone in my target age range. I made my profile very honest and to the point. And my Fiance said he fell in love with “me” (I would say my profile) when he came across it lol. He was at the same point in his life (he was 35 though, but still in my my target age range),when I saw his profile I was like yup, this one is definatelly a good possibility. He was tired of dating and being single and was looking for a girl he could marry and have a family with. And his profile and honest and to the point. So all this lined up. The fact that we are crazy attracted to each other and fell in love too fast and moved in together 6 weeks after meeting was great because we knew that the important stuff already matches, all we need to do is get used to each other’s quirks, and comunicate to build and maintain a healthy and happy relationship. So I would say that the readiness to commit definately came first.

Post # 7
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Finding the right person, before I met my husband I didn’t ever want to get married.

Post # 8
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yeah you can be fully committed to a wrong person,  fall in love with an asshole, who would abuse or not appreciate you.  So no,  you need to find the right person first. I read a lot about girls on the bee who just want to be married for the sake of being married, or,  even worse,  because they want a big wedding party.   They push for the engagement,  throw tantrums when the “due date” is up,  threat to end the relationship…. If this is a wrong person,  or a wrong time,  then they can’t force the wedding to happen,  no matter how committed they are to this relationship.  IMO, you need to find the right person first,  and he needs to realise that you’re right woman for him.  Then everything will fall in place,  because a loving couple is naturally committed to keep each other happy. 

Post # 9
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It really depends on the person and the cicumstances. He was not ready to commit but found the right person. I met the right person but was not ready to commit for 7 years. He was ready, I wasn’t. It still worked out.

Post # 11
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I was never averse to commitment – I was always averse to commitment with the wrong person.  I would rather have not married the right person, than married the wrong one. I neither needed marriage, or veered away from it. I did hope for a lifelong commitment, but marriage to me was not necessary for that, and if it did not happen I would be okay, too.

So yeah, for me, it was most definitely about meeting the right person. I was very happy with being on my own, dating for fun, when I met and started a relationship with my husband. We both knew early on that we had something special together, and in each other. I still did not feel it was important to be married, we both knew this was “it” and felt committed to each other, but when he asked, since I was not opposed to marriage either knowing he was my right person, the answer was easy for me.

Post # 12
7897 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t think there’s only one right answer. For me, I would’ve rather been single and happy than partnered and settling. Darling Husband was the right person, so I felt ok committing. 

Post # 13
5088 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I think that either can work. 

For Darling Husband and I, we were both ready for a commitment before we met eachother. That doesn’t mean that we would have married anyone who asked, but we knew that we were ready to settle down when we met the one. I think this is why many people who meet online (i.e. people that are actively seeking a relationship and are ready for commitment, like Darling Husband and I) move more quickly toward engagement than people who just happen to meet each other. 

Take a look at the waiting boards, the people that take a decade to propose, these are likely the people that found the right person before deciding they were ready for commitment. 

The end result is the same. It’s just a matter of where you are at the time. After spending 6 years with someone who was not ready to commit, I was not interested in that anymore. I wanted someone who was ready. 

Post # 14
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Depends on the person. I think more often with females, they are ready for commitment before meeting the person. 

I know with my Fiance, he wasn’t prepared at all. When he met me, he knew that I was it for him. 

Post # 15
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

In my opinion you have to be ready to commit first, whether it is a man or a woman. Meeting the “right” person is hard if you don’t look at the right places, and usually you don’t look at the right places unless you are ready to commit.

Now, are there exceptions? Yes. I am one. I met my Fiance on a random chat website. Decided to give him my skype info and we fell in love. He admited to me (YEARS after we started dating) that he was in that chat just looking for girls to have phone sex. When I was in that chat, I had no clue people used it that way! But instead he got a night full of conversation lol And three years later, a fiancee 🙂 And he definitely hadn’t decided to commit, with him it was that I was the right person to commit to. It also didn’t help much when I demanded a serious relationship from the start, I was a single mom not in the mood to be fooling around, and he was ok with that. So I guess, in our case, I was ready to commit and he found the right person.

BUT Usually I think the decision to commit comes first. Even with the right person, sometimes you’re just not ready to commit, your life isn’t where you want it, etc. 

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