(Closed) Which comes 1st…deciding to commit or meeting the right person?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee

I think finding the right person for me. I’ve always wanted to commit and knew I was going to eventually get married (hopefully). I Dated my Fiance for about 3.5 years before I knew I was ready to commit to him. I really think i needed to know I was in the right relationship before I was actually ready to commit not just theoretically ready to commit. 

Post # 17
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Definitely deciding to commit! I think there isn’t one “right” person for everyone. The world is full of individuals any person may find themselves to be compatible with, and everyone will have their own amazing (and not so amazing) qualities that will influence the lives of those they interact with in their own way. You’ll meet hundreds, if not thousands of these matches throughout the course of a lifetime. What makes one work where others fail is simply meeting them, or otherwise interacting with them under the “right” circumstances. If you aren’t ready to commit, you’re not interacting under the right circumstances. Simple as that.

Post # 18
Hostess
4087 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I decided I was ready for a committed relationship and started dating with that in mind. Then I found the right person! He was also dating with the long term in mind, so we were both on the same page. 

Post # 19
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it definitely differs from person to person.

For me, it was definitely about the right person. After being in what what a pretty abusive relationship I was terrified of commitment and basically flitted around and avoided settling down for years (in every sense- homes, jobs, boyfriends). When I met my now husband I fell for him almost instantly but I still had a bit of a melt-down moment early on in our relationship because I was scared of commiting to someone and, even worse, someone with a settled job and lifestyle. The way he dealt with it is why we are still together now and because I realised that there was no way that I wanted to give this guy up. So for me it was definitely a case of the right person.

BUT, I know people who have just wanted to be in a commited relationship and so meeting someone else who they were compatible with who was also prepared to commit was one of the key factors in them getting together. And their relationships have worked out for them so far just as much as mine has for me. Different strokes for different folks.

Post # 20
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

Finding the right person. I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I met him.

Post # 21
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee

I definitely needed to find the right person. I was in plenty of serious relationships before meeting my Fiance, and some were great guys, but a little part of me always held back because I knew they weren’t the right one.

Post # 22
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Chiming in as finding the right person. I wasn’t opposed to committing, but certainly wasn’t planning on it at the time that I found my current SO (soon-to-bee-FI). We both had just transitioned into law school and were classmates. We had hung out a few times in group events and, admittedly, I was wildly attracted to her. Asked her out, and after our first date called my best friend to tell him that I found the girl I was going to marry. I certainly did not go on that date with that in mind, but never had I connected with someone so fast and so intimately. Our first date was dinner and we ended up meeting there around 7 and lost so much track of time that we had to be told they were about to close before we left! The rest is history.

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