(Closed) Which dad should walk me down the aisle?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You should walk with you mom maybe?

Post # 4
Member
709 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@mrsstreetman:  I would have your step dad walk you down and when the person asks who gives this woman to be wed, your bio dad stands up a well and they both say “we do”.

Post # 7
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

What about walking up by yourself and having both of them stand up to give you away once you are up there? Unless you feel uncomfortable going up alone but it’s your wedding day so the attention should be all on you anyways 🙂

Post # 9
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is strictly my situation and I have no idea what your relationship is with your bio dad. Mine didn’t participate in the requirements of father hood so he doesn’t get the privilege of walking me down. If it hurts his feelings, he did enough of that to me as a child with not being present in my life. I will have my brother in law and future brother in law walk me down because I’m super close with them and they, besides me fiancé, are the best men in my life. Also my uncle who I’m closer with than dad will play the guitar while I walk down the aisle. 

Post # 10
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mrsstreetman:  I was 2 when my parents divorced. My bio was/is a terrible example of a father. He had no idea what to do with a daughter, either. But that wasn’t the worst of it…he’s likely a narcissist, in a true mental way and is just not a healthy example of a parent. He’s never been there for me but I always wanted him to be. I always wanted to leave that space for him to fill. He has yet to come through.

My step-dad, I met when I was 4 and my mom married right before I turned 6. He took care of me as far as food and clothes go but emotionally he was absent. There was also abuse present in both homes.

When I first got engaged, I was plagued, as I had been since I was 14 and thinking of marriage, as to who would walk me down the ailse? The man who just hasn’t been there for me but who I so badly want to give him his “golden” chance? Or the man who provided for me, but wasn’t there for me in the way he should have been in that role?

The truth is, there is no best answer, that will please everyone. There is only one answer that will please you. My answer didn’t come overnight. And it didn’t come from WB….not that this isn’t a helpful place. =) But it came after weeks of thinking and really listening to myself. It became crystal clear. Somehow in those few weeks, I grew up and was instantly capable of making the right choice…for me and me alone. This wedding isn’t about your parents. It’s about you and your Fiance. No one can tell you. It’s something you must choose for yourself.

All I can say is don’t expect your answer instantly. Don’t expect this to be easy. Only expect that your right answer, will come, when it’s right. And it could even be something you haven’t even considered yet.

 

Best to you. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Is there a way the church could “make” room? Are the pews fixed to the floor, or could they move them for an hour? Could you come through another entrance? I hope there is way you can figure it out, because I like the idea of having both your fathers walk you.

Or maybe one can walk in front of you, one behind, then stand next to you at the front?

If not, then I agree with @sunshine_kar‘s idea.

Post # 12
Member
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

You could consider just having your mom walk you down the aisle since she has been the most “constant” parental figure in your life from the time you were born until now. I was going to go with having them both walk you down the aisle, but at the end of the day no matter what you choose someone is still going to be insulted by it. It’s defniitely a difficult situation. My sister-in-law had both her bio dad and step dad walk her down the aisle. It honestly probably should have been just her step dad, but she was sympathetic to her bio dad. He was STILL upset about the situation, and he resents her to this day for it (it was almost four years ago). The point is that your bio dad will feel some sort of right just because he is your father, but your step father has CHOSEN to have you in his life. He probably wouldn’t have taken on 13+ years of parenting by marrying your mother if he dispised you when he met you. Your father chose to alienate you the way he did when you were younger. It’s hard for all men to have a daughter, but they learn, or else no women would have present father figures! 🙂 I think if it HAS to be one of them that you go with your step father. Especially if he is helping in any way to pay for your wedding!

Post # 13
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mrsstreetman:  I may have missed it, and I apologize if I have, but can you have them both walk you the whole way? I think you should either do that, or like a PP mentioned, walk yourself and meet them at the front.

I think you have made it quite clear that you want to include both fathers, which is understandable. Just do what feels most comfortable to you.

 

Good luck!!

 

Post # 14
Member
49 posts
Newbee

IMO the one who deserves to walk you down the aisle is the one who has the most right to it…. and I think deep down you know who that is. Perhaps one dad can walk you down the aisle and they both can give you away at the alter?

 

Post # 15
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mrsstreetman:  in my opinion even if your biological dad has been there when u have really needed him but not involved as you would’ve liked the answer is clear to me. Your step-dad, has been there for you through it all because he’s wanted to be involved so I would think he should give you away. Even if your bio dad gets upset which he shouldn’t, your step dad stepped up to the plate and has been a great father figure for u. And just like you said your bio dad would have a fit if you didn’t chose him but your stepdad would not say a word, it says a lot about your step dad. Whatever your decision is go with your gut! Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This is an older post, but I did both – but not at the same time. My step-dad walked me in, and then halfway down the aisle, we had a break in the seats (so like a gap the width of a row of chairs). My dad walked in from the right and my step-dad exited to the left and took his seat from my mom.

We got a lot of positive comments on how we incorporated both of them.

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