(Closed) Which dad should walk me down the aisle?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Which father should walk me down the aisle?
    Step father : (5 votes)
    19 %
    Biological father : (1 votes)
    4 %
    Walk myself down the aisle : (17 votes)
    65 %
    Both fathers can walk me down the aisle : (3 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think if your step dad raised you, then he should walk you down the aisle if having someone walk you down is important to you.
    Some couples walk in together to avoid the whole tradition.

    If you want your bio dad to be a part of the ceremony, then let him do a reading.

    Your mother is wrong to tell you that she won’t pay for anything if bio dad is a part of the ceremony. She needs to put her personal feelings aside and support whatever decision you make.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    Do you have any interest in your mother walking you down the isle either with your step-dad or alone? I think that could be a very nice gesture if you and she are close. I can see how your mother is not happy you want to include your bio-dad if he was in jail for most of your life. He made some bad decisions which led to her raising you without help from him so I can see how she would not like to see him have the honor of “giving you away” even if it is shared with your stepdad, most likely, she is feeling left out.

    The $ thing is tricky. I don’t agree that anyone should use their monetary gift as a way to make decisions about your ceremony. On the other hand, if your dad is not contributing financially it’s not an equal situation and he gets the fun part while she foots the bill. I think you’Re best to just budget with out her contribution since you are paying the majority of the bills anyway and just tell her she can give you a gift if she would like but you prefer to pay for the wedding upfront in order to make independent decisions.

    Post # 5
    Hostess
    11105 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    My situation is so similar to you. My biological father has just been rather absent doesn’t put in much effort so neither do I.

    I’m having my Mum walk me down the aisle as I see she’s been the person who’s brought me up.

    Post # 6
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I’m in sort of a similar sitution and one of my besties was as well. My dad and I fought like hell/didn’t speak to one another for most of the first 27 years of my life. Over the last few years though, we’ve come to terms with eachother and have become friends (though I don’t expect anything fatherly from him).

    My stepdad, who has been in my life since I was 5, is my hero. However, when it came to the wedding my dad asked if he could walk me down the aisle. I was so torn because in my heart my stepdad is my dad, but he was gracious enough to say he didn’t mind. They’ve both been helpful paying for the wedding, but being crazy independent and not wanting to hurt anyone I wanted to walk by myself. My mom pitched a fit at that (she’s not crazy about my bio dad) and threatened the same thing as yours did, so I now have both of them walking me. I’m ok with that, but I can see why it would be a more difficult decision for someone whose situation is different. I am also dancing with both of them during the reception.

    My friend, however, didn’t meet her dad until 5-6 years ago and was brought up by her mom. She made the decision early on to walk by herself, but danced with both her bio dad (to a non-sappy song) AND her mom at the wedding. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house when she and her mom danced.

    Wishing you the best of luck with this decision! I hope your mom comes around to whatever you decide is right for you to do because in the long run it’s you who needs to not have any regrets about your wedding. Good luck!

    Post # 7
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @2shy2Bbf: 

    Did your fathers request that they walk you down the aisle or say anything regarding your ceremony? I ask this question because you stated you didn’t want anyone feeling slighted in regards to who is walking you down the aisle. If your fathers don’t care and you don’t care, why can’t you walk down alone? Does the fact that your mother is contributing some money to the wedding have anything to do with it? I know it’s your mother, but it is your wedding do what make you happy.

    Post # 8
    Member
    500 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    You might be able to use both of them.  What about having your bio dad walk you halfway to your step dad, and your step dad take you to the alter, or the other way around?  That way they both get to play a part in the wedding and both get to do the traditional “walking the bride” thing.  Just a thought.  Good luck in whatever you decide! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee

    I agree that having your mom walk you down the aisle may solve the dilema. My dad is not walking me down the aisle because our relationship is very estranged. However, he will be there (I hope).

    If mom is holding you hostage with money, then maybe you should just let your stepdad do it if it does not have meaning to you. Sometimes it is better to simply keep peace in the family. It is not fair, but who needs the stresss. Right?

    Post # 12
    Member
    35 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I hope this all works out. I think I would walk myself down the aisle! I would just tell anyone who wanted to know that they will see when I come down the aisle that day.

    Post # 13
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    it sounds like you’re pretty independent and don’t have the sort of parental support that warrants walking you down the aisle. I’d walk alone if I were you. Include your family in other ways.

    If mom is using money as a weopon over this, it will just continue with all the other decisions that need to be made.

    Post # 14
    Member
    484 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Didnt have the exact situation… but my sister couldnt choose between biological father who has made some huge mistakes and was there and the man that basically raised her… She asked my mom.  it was actually really beautiful and special.  I on the other hand, am VERY close with our step father, and the last to get married.  I didnt want him to miss out on walking his daughter down the isle, but I couldnt choose him and not ask my dad so I will have both.  i dont know what your situation is with your mom but maybe that would be an option.  What about a grandfather or a brother? 

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