Post # 1
I’ve noticed a distinct division amongst most of us waiting gals. (I’m sure not every single person will fall into one of the two, but for the most part) I’d like to know which you think is worse?
The first camp: Having been given a timeline from your SO, and being fully aware that he (she?) is actively planning/saving/making payments, and knowing that it’s simply a matter of time. Even if it’s longer than what you’d prefer.
Second camp: Having NO timeline, just a general vague ‘in a year or two’ or the dreaded ‘soon’, and having absolutely no knowledge of any planning/saving/making payments.
I can imagine there being a ‘grass is greener’ mentality, in that those in one group will feel their plight is worse than the other, and vice versa.
Personally, I fall into the second camp. And I’m a nervous damn wreck, even when following Mr. Bee’s plan, so I could only imagine what I’d be like if and when I fall into the first one. Who knows, maybe I’d be more content??
Post # 3
The only thing that camp two really gains is the element of surprise.
I think it also depends on the time you’re waiting. Maybe a girl who has been with her guy a year and knows he is planning a proposal might envy a girl who has been with her guy a year and will be surprised by a proposal and a ring. But my guess is if you’ve been with your guy 5 years you’d much rather know he was going to do it and was buying a ring, than be together at 5 years and have no idea if it’s coming
Post # 4
Depends on the timeline… I was given a timeline once where he said that by the end of a few months he will Either propose Or break up with me…. Oh, that was fun 🙂
Post # 5
I’m kind of confused about the designation of Camp. Is camp 1 like…you HAVE a timeline and that’s the status of your relationship? Or do you mean that camp 1 = the people that WISH they had a timeline?
Either way, I have a timeline and I’m sure (well I’m hoping) he’s planning. I definitely like it better this way. I’m so biologically concerned with my reproductive ability (there is a light history of problems in my family) that if he said “sometime soonish”, it would drive me nuts. I have such a small window in which to get all my personal accomplishments completed that I really have to have my ducks in a row way before hand. And if I don’t want to try to knock them all out in a 2-3 yr span, then I better get started ASAP.
In fact, when I didn’t know his feelings on the topic, I was SO crazy that even now that I have a timeline, I still find myself making random quips about “when are you going to propose to me” even though I know. Habits are hard to break. 😛
Post # 6
@Mewcakes: As in your SO has said it will be by a certain specific number of months, and he’s actually said he has a plan and is saving and or making payments.
Hope that clarifies things 🙂
Post # 7
I’m in camp two, all I ever get is “soon”! Haha it’s so frustrating. On one hand I’m glad that it’ll take me by surprise, but on the other hand I wish I at least knew that it would come before 2012.
Post # 9
Dang it, I voted for the wrong one. I meant to vote that not having a timeline is worse. My SO and I have progressed from not having a timeline, to having a vague timeline, to having a definitive timeline, and waiting is definitely easier now than it was in the beginning.
Post # 10
I’m in camp #1. It will be within the next 18 months. Sometime before September 2012.
I didn’t used to have a timeline and it was much worse for me! I’m still going to be terribly surprised when it happens since it could be anytime before then. The rings that are being considered aren’t going to require a lot of saving up for so it literally could happen any week!
I also was very unsettled until I got my timeline. I’m not sure why it didn’t sit well with me, but it just didn’t. Even being told “Hey, it will probably be in 5 years.” would be better for me than just…… *crickets chirping*
Post # 11
I’m in camp #1 as well. I know it’s going to happen before June 1st, since his lease ends at the end of April and we have discussed that being engaged before living together was very important for the both of us. I actually know that he’s working on a ring being made (I was really bad at playing dumb and things just didn’t make sense for certain things). I feel relaxed right now, because it’s happening soon, but in some ways, the surprise element is taken out, except for the ring and how he will go about doing it.
Post # 12
I’m in camp #1. I know it will be by my birthday, but still, what if he doesn’t do it by then??ARGH!
Post # 13
@Taylor4: You said it so well!
I’ve been with my SO for 6 years and it’s just been about 2 months that I’ve had a timeline and I can tell you all that holy bajeezus is it soooooooo much better to have a timeline!! The agony of absolutely nothing from him when I was 100% certain was just the absolute worst. I can totally handle waiting 7ish months compared to the waiting with no timeline I did for about 4 years. Months is NOTHING! 😀
Post # 14
I guess I kind of sort of have a timeline? My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have discussed life after graduation, and the way he worded it to me was this “As soon as I know where I’m going to grad school, which will be in April, and as soon as I know where I will be living, which will be June/July, I’ll be ready”. Talk about frustrating. I know it’s not coming until at least then, but still, I have no definite timeframe for a proposal to be happening.
Post # 15
i have a timeline… i almost wish we hadn’t discussed marriage or proposal past the point of telling each other that we know we want to marry the other. because i get really frustrated every single day knowing that he’s ready to propose but has not today. especially the fact that he’s ready and wants to wait 6 months. urrrgh drives me nuts
Post # 16
Having just transitioned from not having a timeline to having one, I have to say that for me not having a timeline was much, much worse. When I didn’t have a timeline there was a lot of anxiety about whether it would happen at all, but now I know that it’s just a matter of waiting (about a year).