(Closed) Which do you think is worse? Timeline or no timeline?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Which is worse? Timeline or no timeline?

    Having a definitive timeline, and knowing he's planning

    NOT having a timeline, and no knowlede/evidence of any planning

    Other, explain below

  • Post # 17
    130 posts
    Blushing bee

    @MissBoPeep: I did the exact same thing! Getting a timeline/knowing that it’s not going to be forever and a day away/that it is going to happen is keeping me sane! I know I was really difficult to be around when there was no timeline, because I was expecting a proposal anytime and he was waiting for our two year to pass first without mentioning that part.

    Post # 18
    1443 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Camp #2.  We’ve been together far longer than most couples.  I have no “timeline”.  It’s been a non-subject for many years, as I realized talking about it before he was ready wasn’t going to help him hurry up and get ready.  After he saw my poor (ok – I was nuts) reaction to the Engagement Storm of 2010 this last fall when almost every close friend and relative who hadn’t yet gotten married made plans to do just that, complete with sunset engagements, rings and dress fittings, he said he knows he’s not where he’d want to be, but that in 2 years he might have his finances set up a little better, so that’s a big maybe in two years.  I’ve also been told that ring shopping together is, “tacky.”

    I frankly don’t get HOW couples arrive at the “I’m going to propose in 6 months, just wait,” partly because tht’s just not a dynamic that would work with my BF, AND to me, if the guy knows he wants to propose, unless he’s waiting to finsihs school for a planned move, for  Christmas or some special date, and he has a ring already, why not just do it?  By the time the woman is asking and asking, he knows she’s going to say yes, so what’s the hold, up, seriously?  Do they not know how nuts it can make you?

    That said – I’d LOVE to be in Camp #1 and to be told, “I’m saving up, you shouldn’t have a naked finger by this time next year, and you might even hve a new last name by then.”  Knowing you’re waiting for SOMETHING is a vast improvement to waiting to know if there’s something to wait for.

    Post # 20
    14 posts

    I’m in camp 2 and it’s so annoying! I’d rather have a timeline as I think that would stop me stressing!!!

    But my SO believes “it will happen when it happens”? Apparently hes not sure when this is going to be 🙁

    But I suppose if I did have a timeline I would probably complain then as well. The grass is always greener isnt it!!! 🙁

    Post # 21
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    @Taylor4:  I agree completely.


    I am in camp number two.  I agree that if I had only been with BF for a year or so and he surprised me I would be thrilled.  Now that it has been over 4 years I am getting stressed that all I have is a very general time frame and am 99% sure that he still isn’t planning anything.  Just knowing that he was thinking about it on his own would make me feel so much more secure.  Then I wouldn’t feel like I have to “remind” him about wanting to be engaged too haha.  

    Post # 22
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’m in camp #2 and it really sucks!!  The stress of wondering IF it is going to happen compared it the WHEN is it going to happen seems so much worse!!  My SO said he knows that it has to happen soon but that was a couple months ago.  When is soon?  It wasn’t Christmas and it wasn’t V-day!!  I’m about to go crazy wondering.  There are no hints or suspicions that he might be even thinking about it.  I guess it is time for another talk and a decision on my part.  I can see the frustration of the bees in camp #1 but as least you know it will happen.  I feel like it is never going to happen and I might be right. : (

    Post # 23
    32 posts

    I’ve mentioned it in the beginning when we first moved in together 6 months ago and have had one stress-out about it since, so he knows there’s a timeline by end-year. Haven’t discussed it since but I’m definitely feeling edgy as I don’t want to bring it up again, yet dreading the what-if’s. Sealed

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