(Closed) Which is a bigger insult?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is a bigger insult to invite her and tell her she can't bring her son, or to not invite her at all?
    Bigger insult to invite her but not her son : (42 votes)
    48 %
    Bigger insult to not invite her at all : (45 votes)
    52 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee

    Rule of thumb is, it’s your wedding, do as you please. She’s not under the “must-invite list” i.e. relatives, family, etc. so I don’t see why it will be a problem. Though if you’d rather keep the peace, just invite her and not give her a +1 (again, it’s your wedding). If she does decide to come even withouth a +1, chances are, you will see her for 5 seconds and you’ll be too busy with a million other things. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    8602 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    You don’t need to invite her. Who cares, you’re not close. If we all invited all our FB friends and people we have friends in common with we’d all have 1000+ person weddings. Close friends and family. That’s it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee

    Ultimately it is your wedding, if you don’t want her there.. don’t invite her.  If you want to invite her, but don’t want her son there don’t give her a plus one.

    You shouldn’t feel obligated to invite anyone to your wedding if you don’t want them there.

    Post # 5
    Member
    861 posts
    Busy bee

    How often do you see her and when was the last time? 

    I personally don’t think you need to invite her son if you do invite her. Either she comes and finds a sitter or doesn’t come at all. You don’t need to invite everyone and you definitely don’t need to invite everyone’s children.

    Post # 6
    Member
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t get why you don’t want her son to be there. Unless it’s just a numbers problem. I think if you’re truly that tight on the numbers, I would just not invite her. If she asks, just say that you are having a smaller wedding due to cost and had to limit invitations.

    Post # 9
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    I wouldn’t invite her.  As a former single mother, I would be much more offended to be invited but my child asked to stay home.  It’s one thing if it’s a adult-only event, but another when there will be other kids there.  I wouldn’t invite anyone I’m not close with anyways, friends-wise.  It’s your day!  you’ll have little enough time speaking with everyone as it is.

    Post # 10
    Member
    584 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    Reign14:  Not all kids are equal; I don’t think all or nothing kid rules make sense.  But I think it is helpful to have guidelines for kids that are easy to explain to avoid awkwardness.  So if you are inviting kids of other friends, it would be harder to explain not inviting her kid.  But for instance, if you’re only inviting kids of family or maybe close family friends, I think it’s easy to explain why you couldn’t invite her son.

    As for inviting her at all – it really depends on what you want your future relationship to look like. If you only correspond with her on social media, I wouldn’t put her on the invite list.  Do you still see her in person at social events?  She may be a little stung by not being invited, but would hopefully understand you can’t invite everyone.  However, if she’s the only person in a circle of friends you’re not including, that could be really hurtful.  I would think more about the context of the relationship in order to decide.

    Post # 11
    Member
    4113 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    You appear to care more about what she’ll think of not being invited, than you do about actually having people at your wedding that you want there..

    Why would you invite someone you’re not friends with?

    Post # 12
    Member
    482 posts
    Helper bee

    Neither is an insult IMO. But if you must invite her, do not invite her son. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    4113 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    Reign14:  I don’t like hurting peoples feelings either but, at the same time.. I’m big on the truth and keeping it real. If you’re hesitant to invite someone to your wedding, just don’t do it.. You shouldn’t feel obligated to include someone just because you used to be friends.

    There’s a good chance she doesn’t expect to be invited anyways since you’re more acquaintances now!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1974 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    It doesn’t matter which is more of an insult, they’re both an insult. You have three options.

    One. Don’t invite them and risk offending her.

    Two. Invite her and not her son and risk offending her.

    Three. Invite them both and keep her happy.

    It sounds like you don’t want to offend her which is why you’re considering inviting her. So what’s the point in just inviting her if you’re just going to upset her by not inviting her son? That defeats the point in inviting her. All or nothing should be your only option.

    The topic ‘Which is a bigger insult?’ is closed to new replies.

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