Post # 1
I have a friend who I’m not so close with anymore but correspond with occasionally on social media. She is single and has a 7 year old son. I don’t want to invite her to my wedding, but it will be too tense and awkward if I don’t for a few reasons… (she’ll see the posts on social media, I’m inviitng a lot of our mutual friends, I’ve invited her to other occasions like birthdays, babyshower, etc.). It’s almost easier and less stress for me to just bite the bullet and invite her.
I am planning to invite her but not her son. And I dont’ have a no kids policy necessarily; other kids will be there.
So my question is… Is it a bigger insult to invite her and tell her she can’t bring him, or to not invite her at all?
(There’s a strong possibility that she won’t come if I don’t invite her son and also don’t give her a +1, which I’m not. But on the other hand she may feel obligated to come if I invite her since there will be folks she knows there and she might feel like she’s supporting me. Plus she’s mentioned in the past that she wants to come — although not sure how she presumed she’d be invited.)
Anyway, what do you ladies think?
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Post # 2
Rule of thumb is, it’s your wedding, do as you please. She’s not under the “must-invite list” i.e. relatives, family, etc. so I don’t see why it will be a problem. Though if you’d rather keep the peace, just invite her and not give her a +1 (again, it’s your wedding). If she does decide to come even withouth a +1, chances are, you will see her for 5 seconds and you’ll be too busy with a million other things.
Post # 3
You don’t need to invite her. Who cares, you’re not close. If we all invited all our FB friends and people we have friends in common with we’d all have 1000+ person weddings. Close friends and family. That’s it.
Post # 4
Ultimately it is your wedding, if you don’t want her there.. don’t invite her. If you want to invite her, but don’t want her son there don’t give her a plus one.
You shouldn’t feel obligated to invite anyone to your wedding if you don’t want them there.
Post # 5
How often do you see her and when was the last time?
I personally don’t think you need to invite her son if you do invite her. Either she comes and finds a sitter or doesn’t come at all. You don’t need to invite everyone and you definitely don’t need to invite everyone’s children.
Post # 6
I don’t get why you don’t want her son to be there. Unless it’s just a numbers problem. I think if you’re truly that tight on the numbers, I would just not invite her. If she asks, just say that you are having a smaller wedding due to cost and had to limit invitations.
Post # 7
I tend to agree with everything you said.
I saw her for a bout 20 minutes 3 months ago. She was in the araa from a different state visitng family and stopped by a restauramt I was eating at with another firend to say hi and meet my 4 month old son.
We used to be best friends 3rd grade to maybe 3 years out of college. Then it became obvious that we were growing apart and we stopped talking. But we’re still cordial and I even visited her at home last Christmas, and she came to my birthday party in 2013 (10 hour drive for her).
So our friendship is in that gray area. However, based on our limited interaction and my observations of her on social media, I still would not want to be close to her.
Post # 8
Good point. I don’t necessarily want her there, but her AND her son would be all too much. I am
tight on the numbers. Our original date was in 2014, then I got pregnant so we moved it. So now we are on a tighter budget. I was leaning toward telling her this and not inviting her. It’s still an option. But like I said, I’m trying to avoid awkwardness. Literally everyone
I invited to my 30th bday in 2013 will be at the wedding except for her, if I don’t invite her. That just seems wrong.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t invite her. As a former single mother, I would be much more offended to be invited but my child asked to stay home. It’s one thing if it’s a adult-only event, but another when there will be other kids there. I wouldn’t invite anyone I’m not close with anyways, friends-wise. It’s your day! you’ll have little enough time speaking with everyone as it is.
Post # 10
Not all kids are equal; I don’t think all or nothing kid rules make sense. But I think it is helpful to have guidelines for kids that are easy to explain to avoid awkwardness. So if you are inviting kids of other friends, it would be harder to explain not inviting her kid. But for instance, if you’re only inviting kids of family or maybe close family friends, I think it’s easy to explain why you couldn’t invite her son.
As for inviting her at all – it really depends on what you want your future relationship to look like. If you only correspond with her on social media, I wouldn’t put her on the invite list. Do you still see her in person at social events? She may be a little stung by not being invited, but would hopefully understand you can’t invite everyone. However, if she’s the only person in a circle of friends you’re not including, that could be really hurtful. I would think more about the context of the relationship in order to decide.
Post # 11
You appear to care more about what she’ll think of not being invited, than you do about actually having people at your wedding that you want there..
Why would you invite someone you’re not friends with?
Post # 12
Neither is an insult IMO. But if you must invite her, do not invite her son.
Post # 13
You’re right, I do care what she’ll think. We’re not close friends, but we once were. And we’re still acquaintances. I guess I care too much about hurting feelings. I wish I didn’t! It would be a hell of a lot easier to exclude her.
Post # 14
I don’t like hurting peoples feelings either but, at the same time.. I’m big on the truth and keeping it real. If you’re hesitant to invite someone to your wedding, just don’t do it.. You shouldn’t feel obligated to include someone just because you used to be friends.
There’s a good chance she doesn’t expect to be invited anyways since you’re more acquaintances now!
Post # 15
It doesn’t matter which is more of an insult, they’re both an insult. You have three options.
One. Don’t invite them and risk offending her.
Two. Invite her and not her son and risk offending her.
Three. Invite them both and keep her happy.
It sounds like you don’t want to offend her which is why you’re considering inviting her. So what’s the point in just inviting her if you’re just going to upset her by not inviting her son? That defeats the point in inviting her. All or nothing should be your only option.