Post # 1
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
I’m a guy who is not engaged or even in a serious relationship right now.
It seems to me that all the new age style of a woman selecting her ring is less romantic. I understand the advantage. She will be wearing it every day so it makes sense for her to have input…I get it.
There are only 3 ways to add a surprise to an engagement…timing, how and the ring. Often these days, timing is not a surprise and women are expecting the engagement all the time. lol The how…it’s getting tougher to come up with more creative ways…especially if she is expecting it…it won’t shock her…so that leaves…THE RING.
It is nice and romantic if a guy picks a ring that he thinks his finace will love and be impressed with…like a piece of him for her…the style, size, value, etc.
It would be good if the woman would give hints as to what she really hates “I really can’t stand those busy rings with all that clutter. I think it looks best with just the diamond.” (Buy Solitaire)
“Everyone has the round brilliant, I’d want a princess.” and so on. Drop occasional hints.
But I see some selecting, going over the styles, quality, size, etc. as if they are paying for it. it seems unromantic to me. It takes away “expression of love” part.
So when he drops on a knee as expected and pulls out the ring you selected and you say yes, where is the special bang in that?…you finally got him to pull the trigger and commit? IDK
Post # 3
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I think it was fun to look at rings together and decide what we liked. Then, he completely surprised me and did a great job!
Post # 4
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Ok. here’s what we did. T (my H) 2 years ago at holiday time, asked me when we were having dinner after a party, what kind of e ring would I like. We talked about it, then he changed the subject and we didn’t talk about it again.
Fast forward, Dec. 5, 2009, he asks me to marry him under the Christmas tree. It wasn’t exactly what I asked for, but same shape (a round stone) and it was triple the fun! It was a 3 stone ring of my favorite shape (round)!
So maybe hint around to her, look thru a bridal mag w/her, or talk about it..then divert her attention for a while (my guy took the entire year to pay it off) and then surprise her!
She’s not disappointed, there is an element of surprise, and you get to pick it out! Best of both worlds. Best wishes!
Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I think that it is better set a budget, and then go together to check out rings. I was able to pick out my own ring, and we are both glad that I did because it is not something that my Fiance would have ever thought to pick on his own. I wouldn’t have thought to pick it out on my own either, but when we went to check out rings, my ring just jumped out and said “pick me, pick me!!!” to both of us.
Post # 6
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I think you should have a balance. My Fiance asked me to send him a wishlist. I sent him about 4 or 5 designs I would love either way. He didn’t tell me when he ordered it, when it shipped, when it was delivered, and I had NO idea he was going to propose when he did.
I mean, during the week or so he had the ring, I stumbled across stuff. I saw FedEx deliever the ring and what not.
You do not want to make the mistake of just picking someone out you think your Girlfriend will like unless she wears rings all the time. I would have not been happy with a three stone because it’s not my style.
So good luck! Ask her for input, but if you want it to be a total secret (I suggest you at least talk about it and make sure you are on the same page. Watch the poor guys on Youtube with their proposal rejections) I would talk to some of her friends and maybe have them ask her or just joke around. Me and my best friend use to look at rings all the time. She could have told my Fiance I loved halo if he didn’t ask me.
Post # 7
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
My fiance did “none of the above”. He proposed, and then he let me pick out the ring.
Post # 8
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
@cbee:
How could he have completely surprised you if you picked the rings together?
The only way I think it would be fun is if the woman was sharing her dream ring but figured he couldn’t afford it and he agreed that it was ridiculous for anybody to pay for a ring like that…then secretly he saved up enough and bought her dream ring…that would be cool.
If she is already picking out a ring that you can afford, where’s the surprise?
Post # 9
Member
18 posts
Newbee
Why don’t you look at rings together and he gets some clues on what you like then he picks it out himself down the road. Surprise!
Post # 10
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
I was completely and totally involved in choosing my ring. I picked it out online and told him to order it. He had it FedExed to the house and was the first to see it and I had the perfect proposal and was completely surprised by the timing. Plus, I got the ring of my dreams. If you have any doubts as to his expertise in choosing jewelry, go shopping with him and get what you want (most, but not all guys do not do well with hints:) But he still has control over the actual proposal and the timing, so it doesn’t necessarily take anything away from the romantic aspect.
Post # 11
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
@Socrates: You can still be surprised by the proposal. I picked out my ring, Fiance ordered it, and then waited several weeks to surprise me with it. It was awesome!
Look, why don’t you actually meet a girl and develop a serious relationship with her first before deciding what “women” do or don’t want from a proposal? Some women really want to be surprised, while other women want to be part of the ring shopping process. Some women want a bit of both. There is not one option that’s going to be the best for ALL women.
Post # 12
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
@bellenga:
Yeah…that’s good that a whole year went by…I like that. If you were expecting it, you probably got tired and forgot. lol That’s better.
I agree with general hints. She can even hint to him her priority of the 4 Cs but you see some extensively want to choose the exact setting etc.
If a girl is that finicky, maybe the best would be to get the loose diamond and propose with that and imediately take her to the store to pick her setting…this way there is surprise, the guy doesn’t feel like she is telling him what to do, and she has a choice…IDK.
I just don’t like the detailed pick…now go save up and buy it and I’ll pretend I’m surprised. lol
Post # 13
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
@noritake22:
Hi…lol cute story. So how did it work? Did he propose without the ring and then tell you his budget? Was there a formal proposal with the ring?
The thing that takes out the romance is losing the surprise. If they are going to go this way, maybe a guy should surprise her with a symbolic toy ring and right away they immediately go to the shop so she can still have a ring to show her friends. That would be OK.
Post # 14
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
@Miss Tattoo:
That friend idea is a really cool idea if her friend doesn’t have a big mouth. lol It is a brilliant idea in fact. That’s the best compromise I’ve heard yet.
Post # 15
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
@jayce:
lol Hey…I’m free to have my opinions. I’m no kid. Just because I am not currently in a long term relationsip does not mean I haven’t been before. That’s funny though.
To me it is not romantic or a surprise if she picks it out and hopefully I will not get the type who HAS to have it that way. Anything more than hints and would be a turn off to me…lol But just as you say women are different, men are different too. Some guys might like to have a situation where they are told everything and simply have to save up for it. That’s not me. I just don’t like that.
Post # 16
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
I sort of like the:
“Do your best” concept where you are trusted. Not all women are that deep into having to have their exact selection. My sister was happy with the ring her husband gave her because she knew it was his best even though the stone was very small. I believe she was genuinely happy. Me, I make enough to do well but it is that feeling of being told exactly how the ring should be (and almost when to propose) that I find unromantic. Hints are good. I’d rather have 20 separate hints and put them together. lol
I guess I’m old fashioned. even though I do well, I’d prefer the woman to PRETEND she’d be happy with any priced stone etc. Then of course, since you care, you would try and surprise her and do the best you feel you can do.
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