(Closed) Which is better?

posted 10 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Which is better?

    The guy tries to surprise his fiance with a surprise ring he feels she will think is special.

    The woman picks out her own ring exactly and tells the guy to just pay for it and give it when ready

  • Post # 33
    Member
    5653 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    View original reply
    @Socrates: Not sure why you have to use strong language like saying that choosing a ring as a team “disgusts” you and that a girl who wants to be active in the ring choosing process is “snobby” and “finicky”. It’s a little offensive to those who chose their ring as a couple (Which seems to be the majority thus far). I think avoiding using language like that will help people not take your opinion personally.

    I said in my first post in this thread that neither way is “better”. It’s a personal choice between the two people getting engaged.

    Post # 34
    Member
    3342 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    My husband proposed with a center stone that he had chosen, mounted on a plain white gold band.  After he proposed we got my finger properly sized and got the stone mounted in a setting that I chose.

    Post # 35
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    My Fiance proposed without a ring, because it’s not in budget right now. But when it comes time to get a ring, I want to be involved. First of all, my Fiance has NO idea about anything related to jewelry. I could tell him I want a cushion cut diamond all day long and show him pictures, and he would get it mixed up. Secondly, my proposal was a surprise. We had talked about it a few times, but I was not expecting a proposal. So the surprise element was already taken care of. Plus, I don’t really do romance. Super romantic things make me gag. Third, I’m going to be wearing the ring for the rest of my life. I would feel bad if I hated the ring because it wasn’t anything that I wanted, even if it was FI’s best. There are boards on here where ladies talk about not really liking their ring, and I don’t want to be one of those people. Disappointment over something like that is hard to hide…

    I don’t thing that women being involved in the ring buying makes it any less special or romantic, or takes the element of surprise out of it. A friend of mine, who is a guy, had his girlfriend involved in the whole thing, he bought the ring and didn’t tell her about it, and waited 4 or 5 months before he popped the question. She knew what she was getting, but she was still surprised when he popped the question, and their proposal was pretty romantic…

    Being traditional is nice and everything, but it just doesn’t work for every girl.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1166 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    My FH asked a close friend to be his spy and ask me what I liked. I said I have always wanted an emerald cut with two baguettes on the side. The guy at the store convinced him that a cushion cut was pretty much the same thing as an emerald cut (NOT!) and he paid more than he had to for a mid-quality diamond.

    He completely surprised me with the proposal while we were on vacation. The first thing he said (after I said, “yes” of course!) was, “That’s just a stand-in ring – you can return it and get whatever you want!” THAT was the best of both worlds!!

    I was able to return the ring and get a larger, higher-quality diamond for the same price by shopping online vs. retail. I LOVE my ring, and I LOVE my FH for letting me pick exactly what I want without feeling guilty that it’s not the one HE picked.

    So my best advice is, do your best to pick something out, buy it somewhere with a good return policy, and don’t let your feelings be hurt if she decides she likes something else better. It’s a life-long decision; don’t make her compromise. But DO surprise her!

    Post # 41
    Member
    2017 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @Jayce:  Amen to everything you said. OP doesn’t really care what anyone else thinks. And as PPs have said, every single proposal is special and romantic in its own way regardless of how the ring was chosen. Or even how it was presented.

    @Socrates:  Good luck picking a ring when the time comes.  Hope it “expresses your love” for her the way you want it to.  By The Way, my friend dropped “hints” all over the place and she still ended up with a ring that she finds a little lacking and now needs to completely redesign.  How romantic.  Not. lol

    Post # 42
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    View original reply
    @Socrates: Reread my posts and ask yourself why you are getting so defensive about being single. My point was simply that you can’t decide what is better for your future fiancee when you haven’t even met her yet.

    Women are complex individuals with different reasons for wanting different things. We don’t fall into categorized “types,” as you presume. It’s quite telling that you’ve judged all women who want a say in the matter of their ring as “snobby” and “finicky.”

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @ Socrates

    Are you trying to find a girlfriend on wedding bee? Lol…Yesterday you posted about dresses and now rings.

    It’s not a bad idea, don’t get me wrong, but most of these ladies are married or engaged 😉

    Post # 44
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I told him what I liked and didn’t like: “I don’t like diamonds, I like sapphires.  I want something simple and delicate.”  He pretended like sapphires were too expensive, so he made it out like I was going to get an emerald (gorgeous) or an opal (my birthstone).  So in the end I was totally surprised when I got a sapphire!

    I would prefer to be surprised by the ring (as long as the guy listens to hints).  I do not think it’s romantic to surprise a girl with the timing of the proposal.  A decision to marry should be discussed by both parties, and then, if the couple chooses, a fun “surprise” engagement is fine.

    I was very glad that I wasn’t surprised by him asking me to marry him, but I’m also glad I was surprised by the ring.  Some girls want it the other way around though–a surprise proposal with a ring that the girl picked out.  It’s really all down to the couple.  That’s why the poll is split basically in half!

    Post # 45
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    View original reply
    @PutABirdOnIt: Yes, exactly… he seems more concerned with pleasing himself than pleasing his hypothetical fiancee.

     

    Post # 46
    Member
    3871 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My husband (then boyfriend) and I went “pretend” shopping one day.  He asked me if we could look at rings.  I was suprised by the question but agreed.

    I didn’t have “the” ring in mind.  Actually, we talked about it after he proposed and he said he knew I wasn’t that type of person to be materilistic about having a Tiffany’s ring something.  He said he asked me because he wanted to know a general idea of what type of setting, band, stone, cut of the stone and material I like.  I think I was simple when we went pretend shopping.  Of the different cuts that were available I told him a couple ones that I liked.  I told him that I like yellow gold instead of white gold.  That was it. I didn’t tell him price, didn’t tell him how big I wanted it.

    That’s just me and I know all girls are different. 

    My husband was concerned that he picked the wrong ring because he got me a shape that I didn’t see in the store when we went shopping.  He did something very unique, he bought two rings, one was a shaped I told him I liked and the other wasn’t.  I was shocked and very suprised that he bought both.  After he proposed, I did ask him if there was a return policy.  He said there was.

    So as you can see, I was completely suprised by the ring(s) he picked out for me.  I don’t think I was that picky by telling him cuts I liked and that I iike yellow gold.  I wanted him to decided what was best for me and it looks like he did. Oh, I chose the ring that I didn’t see in the store.  I picked the pear!

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