Post # 1
I had an interesting conversation with a friend. He said that when he gets married he expects his wife to put their marriage before their children. He’s not religious, so I guess it’s a modified version of the christian idea that your priorities should be 1.God 2. your marriage, and 3. your children. (correct me if i’m wrong)
I had a talk with Fiance about it and we agreed that we need to our future children, if not ahead of our marriage, equal to it. For instance, hypothetically of course, if one of us turned out to be a horrible parent or harmed our children in any way, the other should take the children away. In a more realistic scenario, if we desperately need a date night and a chance to reconnect, but junior needs help finishing a school project, we will stay at home and help rather than getting a itter to help him. We would just have to wait until the following week or stay up late to talk and reconnect.
I think there needs to be healthy balance and personally I’m going to strive to give equal attention to both my children and keeping my marriage healthy (easier said than done, i’m sure) What are your thoughts on this?
Post # 3
My #1 priority is myself, and it will always be, even when we get married. I love my SO, but he’s a grown man and can take care of himself day-to-day. I don’t really think marriage in and of itself is all that special. It’s just legal protection. Letting yourself or your relationship slip because your married, or vice versa – going crazy about “making the marriage work” almost seems like letting a third party into a 2 person relationship. Just let it be. To me, relationships aren’t work if you’re with the right person.
I’ve always said I’m way too selfish to have children, and I mean it. I would resent children taking away “me” or “us” time, so probably just not going down that route! Also, am not religious so that’s out.
Post # 4
My Fiance and I both have 2 kids each, and we have decided that our priorities will be 1. God, 2. Marriage, 3. kids and so far it has work out great for us. Im not saying that we havent run across some snags but it helps when when both parents are on the same page.
Post # 5
1. God. 2. Marriage. 3. Kids
Post # 6
THe way it should be is 1. God 2. Marriage 3. Children. I was always taught growing up you are a child of god 1st, wife 2nd then mother. Not saying that I abide by this but this was how I was taught.
Post # 7
Not being religious, I’m going to say my kids, my marriage, my self.
Post # 8
Children and marriage are equal. Then comes me.
Post # 9
@Rouquine: I agree marriage and children have to have a good balance. They are EXTREMELY integral to each other and if you always put one of them second that that part will suffer.
So my order is: 1. God 2/3. Children/Marraige 4. Me
Post # 10
Always God, Children, Marriage, Me. Children don’t ask to come here and we are responsible for our kids above all else. I feel like putting my marriage before my children would be very selfish of me.
Post # 11
Being an atheist, god isn’t part of the equation in my life. As far as the others are concerned, I don’t really think its cut and dry. For instance, I would put myself above my marriage but I wouldn’t put myself above my husband, in that I would die for him. Same goes for my future children. I wouldn’t risk my well being just for the sake of my relationship but for the sake of my family? Absolutely. When it comes to my marriage vs. my (hypothetical) children, I would put my marriage first. Our marriage is what holds our family together. Without our marriage, there would be no family (of course “families” come in all shapes and sizes but I’m talking in general). That doesn’t mean I won’t love my children with every fiber of my being but they’ll always be a part of me. Being a parent takes work but nothing will ever change the fact that I birthed them. When it comes to marriage, that can end at any time. Obviously we’re not talking extremes like abuse or what not. If either myself or my husband ever became abusive (or something equally as detrimental to our own/children’s well being), we would expect the other parent to do what’s right for the sake of our family and if that means leaving then so be it.
ETA: Does this make sense? lol Reading it back, it sounds kind of confusing but I know what I’m trying to say.
Post # 12
I don’t have kids yet, but when I do I know it will be
1) my children 2) my marriage 3) myself
I have already put my relationship over myself and would do it again and again. making him happy is what makes him happy, and if i have to sacrifice something (ie my career) to give him the opportunity to do what he loves in life (his career) than I am more than willing.
that, however, will change when we have children. he knows that however much he loves his job, he must never put that before our kids. i’m giving him that opportunity now so he can put more energy into his family later on.
Post # 13
I believe in a higher power, but he has no say or affect in my life. So, without its presence, and not having kids, it’s me first and then my marriage (followed by dog).
When I have kids, they will move to the top.
Post # 14
@UpstateCait: It makes sense to me, and I agree with you.
Post # 15
I’m Christian so, 1) God (I believe making this the main priority helps keep everything else together), and I think Children and Marriage should be equal. That said, both my Darling Husband and I would do what is best for the children before what is best for ourselves… which includes keeping our marriage strong.
Post # 16
@UpstateCait: That makes perfect sense. I think it was really well expressed and I agree with you.