(Closed) Which is your priority? God, your marriage, children, yourself?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@DeathByDesign:  Agreed!

Post # 18
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Rouquine:  100% agree.

Mine are 1. God. 2. Marriage/Children 3. Me

Post # 19
Member
597 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I am really surprised by all these answers. Such different takes on the topic!

If I had to choose in some do-or-die scenario, I think it would go: kids, me, marriage. But in my day-to-day life I wouldn’t be thinking in those terms, just trying to do my best to balance all three.

Post # 20
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why on earth would you have children if you wernt going to put them before everything else. You choose to bring them into this world and they are totally dependent on you- This is no question to me, Children far first then everything else…

Post # 21
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Right now, it’s easy for me to say 1) God, 2) Marriage, 3) Children because we don’t yet have kids, so I have no idea what it feels like to be a mother. I’m not sure how or if that order would change if/when we become parents.

Post # 22
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155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Jenbee:  My thoughts exactly.

Post # 23
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

In my opinion putting your marriage first is what’s best for your children.  That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to take care of my children, it just means that I won’t put my relationship on the back burner and let it suffer.  When our marriage is stronger we can work better together as a team to take care of our (still hypothetical) children.

Post # 24
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t have kids so I am not qualified to answer this! But… The way I have always heard this is that it comes very naturally to place your kids above everything else in your life. Which is why a lot of marriages suffer before the kids ever suffer. So in terms of what you put your efforts into, you need to be more mindful of your marriage than your children, because that’s what’s going to fall behind if you don’t put any effort into it. But in effect, your children’s needs are generally going to be put in front of your marriage’s needs because that’s what being a parent means. 

I hope that makes sense written down.

Post # 25
Member
5842 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t believe in God so 1. Me 2. Kids 3. Marriage. I see way too many women putting themselves last and building resentment over the years. I think keeping myself happy/fulfilled will be a good example to my children and make me a better mother. Of course, no kids yet so who knows.

Post # 26
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I think children and marriage should go hand-in-hand and both be important. I really like what

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@MissBoPeep: said about putting marriage first being best for your children. Even when divorce is necessary and good for the couple, it still has a huge negative impact on the kids (my brothers still want our mom and their dad to be together, even though logically they know it won’t work).

And as far as myself goes, eh… I am important, but I think I’ll emphasize the me in the role as wife and mother when it comes to that point. But there will definitely always be me time.

Post # 27
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@kala_way & 
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@MissBoPeep:  Oh good. I was worried I was going to sound crazy. 🙂 

Post # 28
Member
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

God. then myself, spouse & children equally.

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@Jenbee:  as someone who is bringing a child into this world who wouldn’t necessarlly put them first but equal to other things my reasoning is pretty simple.

to me part of being a good mother (if you are raising a child with a spouse) is to be a good spouse.  I feel it’s important that if 2 people are going to raise a child together part of that responsibility is to show them what a stable loving relationship is.

To me part of being a good spouse is to be a good person to yourself.  If I am not taking care of and emotionally loving myself, how can I take care of or fully love someone else?

Thats not to say that I wouldnt die for my child or my husband or that I wouldnt do anything in the world for them. But I am just now starting to understand as someone who is has been a “giver & a helper” their entire life you have to have some balance and take care of yourself too or you cant help or give anyone anything. That’s been a very hard lesson for me to learn and one that I honestly still struggle with. 

 

Post # 29
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@UpstateCait:  You said what I tried to type out like 10 times before giving up. If I’m not in a good place myself, then I won’t be a good wife and if there are kids in the equation and our relationship is rocky, then we won’t be good parents.

So I guess for me it goes 1. Me 2. Marriage 3. Kids

Post # 30
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m not religious, so no god in my equation.

1~Kids, always the kids. One of the reasons I ended my first marriage was because of his treatment of our kids.

2~Marriage(this one, not the first one that sucked)

3~Self

Post # 31
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m a believer in God but I don’t see how God fits into this.  Can someone who put God first explain it to me?

I am married but I don’t have kids yet.  For me, it’s myself and then my marriage.  We have already been through some really tough times and I did what I thought at the time was putting my marriage first, and my sanity and well-being suffered greatly.  I’m thankful to have learned this lesson very early in my marriage.  I know that whatever happens in this world, because there are a million things that we cannot control, I will always be OK because I will always be taking care of myself.

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