(Closed) Which is your priority? God, your marriage, children, yourself?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We try to keep everything equal in our relationship. We are not religious people so I guess that’s why I can say that? I dont know how it will change when we are parents, though.

Post # 33
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I think the best thing you can do for your kids is to show them a healthy relationship and keep their family together (as long as there is no abuse etc). As someone with kids I can tell you it is really easy to get lost in the day to day things, and get into a “just trying to get by” mode. It takes work to keep your relationship with your spouse connected in a romantic way. There will be times when you need to get a babysitter and go out. There will be times when you will put the kids to bed early to enjoy some time alone together.

That being said, I don’t think this question is cut and dry. Obviously the needs of our kids come first when they are vital (needing to be fed, clothed, etc). To make the whole picture work there are times when each one of these things need to come first.

Post # 34
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m a believer in life balance.  I am not going to put priorities on things that are so obviously important to me.  I think I would pull my hair out.

Post # 35
Member
4610 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m not yet married and I don’t have kids.  Whilst I have faith, and it should be God I have to say that right now: it’s all about me.  I can’t believe I’ve admitted that, I feel so bad… 🙁

Post # 36
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First and most important to my life and my marriage will always be God, without Him nothing is possible. Second will be my husband and marriage. I completely believe that you have to put your marriage before your children because your kids rely on their parents. You have to make it work in your marriage so that you can make your family work. And of course, third would be my children.

I think that the most important peice of this though is that with God being put first, everything else will fall into place perfectly. He will provide for us and show us exactly what we are supposed to do.

 

And, as for what the OP said about not going on a dinner date because your child has a school project to work on. I don’t think that’s what putting your marriage first means, going on the date instead of helping your child. I think staying home to help your children is just being a good parent, that’s what you are supposed to do. But, I think putting your marriage first means that you need to plan for a date and make the time for your marriage because without that time your marriage will fall apart.

Post # 37
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I say #1 would have to be children. They don’t ask to be brought into this world and they are 100% dependent upon you and need you to survive and thrive. Marriage and myself would be close behind though. I know it’s hard but it has to be all about balance and fairness. But, like some other’s have said, if it came to my FH and I needing a night alone, my child needing help with a project, or me needing some alone time all on the same night the child would have to come first, the date night would be the first thing to be rescheduled and then my alone time would be the last to be rescheduled but, I would do what I could to fit it all in within a reasonable amount of time (like within the week). Maybe it’s easier for me to say this because I already have a child. He is from a previous relationship and I raised him on my own for the most part. His father does take him every other weekend but, he didn’t start that until he was 4 or 5 and he doesn’t financially support him, attend any school functions, or help with any type of school work or projects so I have really had no choice but to make my child my top priority. I am lucky that my Fiance came into the picture when he was 5 and he has been a great help.

Post # 38
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

1.) God 2.) Marriage 3.) Children

MY reasoning for my order of importance are these: I feel that I need to have a strong relationship with God because that to me is a part of the foundation in our marriage, I put marriage next because that is the glue that holds the family together, I put children third because I think without having a strong marriage we could actually end up hurting our children in the long run.  

These are just MY reasons and I’m passing no judgements on anyone else for their reasons/choices/circumstances.  I know these kinds of threads can get heated and I’m not looking to get into that.

Post # 39
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

1. God  2. Marriage  3. Kids

Post # 40
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly… and I’m catholic albeit a lost one but.. 

 

1. Me (who else is going to have to spend 24 hours a day with myself)

2. Marriage

3. God

4. Children 

Post # 41
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

The thing about God I am not understanding is that I can see many decisions in life that require balancing your own needs with the needs of your marriage and the needs of children.  But I’m confused about practically in life, where God fits into that.  I don’t mean a religious debate to stem from this and as I said earlier, I believe in God myself.  But for people who have God in their equations, I am wondering if you mean mentally?  Always having gratitude for God in your mind and heart above all else?  Or maybe physically like attending worship or study above say, a date night?  I am just confused about it.

Post # 42
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@phillygirl629:  For me it’s in my heart and mind.

Post # 43
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@phillygirl629:  I, personally, don’t think church, bible study, worship, etc., has anything do with putting God first. It’s about making sure your relationship with Him is strong and that you do what He wants you to do before making any decisions. Relying on Him to show you the way and trusting Him. I have just recently renewed my faith and feel so close to Him and know that the second I put him second that my life will fall apart. I need Him to get me through the day because I know that His plan for me is a million times better than the plan that I have for myself.

Post # 44
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

As a Christian I say that putting God first allows the other two to fall in place and create a balnce

Post # 45
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@MrsPom:  

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@Birdee106:  

Thank you for the clarification!  I understand what both of you mean.

ETA: Personally I don’t feel God has an active role in my life in the way that kdockter mentioned.  I do feel my belief in a power greater than myself gives me sanity and strength to get through bad times, and humbles me in good times.  I suppose in that sense, I put my belief in God above all, in terms of mental priorities.  But then, for sure, it’s myself!  Haha

Post # 46
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

I think this varies during different stages of your life. Right now we don’t have kids, so at this point in my life it would be myself, and then my marriage

When we have kids it will be: Children, self, marriage

When the kids are older (and dont require as much time and attention) it will be: Self, marriage, children

Being a single mom, my mom always put us first. Her entire life revolved around us and she spent no time caring for herself. As my siblings and I got older she was left alone, and had no idea what to do with herself. She is just starting to focus on herself, and it’s refreshing.

I dont know if I can be a good wife and/or mother if I dont put myself first sometimes.

 

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