(Closed) Which is your priority? God, your marriage, children, yourself?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

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@Future MrsB:  Having a relationship with Christ doesn’t even require going to church. 🙂 I think other some past comments explain how putting God first works in a nutshell.

Post # 63
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

It doesn’t make sense to me to put anyone before yourself.  If you don’t take care of yourself, and keep yourself healthy, how can you focus on anything else?  People seem to think this means you have to be selfish in a bad way, but really it just means taking care of yourself.  

 

That being said, my order would be myself, my future husband (current fiance), and then our children…though he and they would probably be on equal footing…and of course my cat is important, too.  Humans have enough brain power to focus their attention on more than one thing at a time.  

 

Post # 64
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

II am not totally socked but a little bit some would put the husband or wife before their child.  Unless you’re just taking about the order of how your think it should go I totally get it but if we are taking in general putting first I don’t see it.

I would put my son before my fiancé/ husband as I am the reason for his very existence and he is 100% my responsibility.   I am not my husband’s responsibility and he is not mine. He can take care of himself so the only needs I should be meeting are the ones I am most responsible for and gave a life.     

 

If I had little food I would let my child eat before me and if not enough I would just go hungry that day.

Post # 65
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Ideally, I’d like to balance myself, marraige, and children.  I don’t believe in god, so that doesn’t factor in for me.  Obviously all three are so important to living a happy and fulfilled life, but I think the priority of them change due to circumstances.  But in general, I think that you have to be happy with yourself to be happy in your marriage, and I think that being happy with yourself and with your marriage will make for happy children. So if I had to order, it would be 1. Me, 2. Marriage, 3. Children. But I don’t think it’s worth sacrificing happiness in any one area to satisfy another.  Balance is key.

Post # 66
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I don’t believe in a god, so it wouldn’t make my list, but I’d say marriage/kids and then myself. It seems to me that if I’m taking care of the most important relationships in my life it would be good for me, too (assuming no major dysfunction).

Post # 68
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

First, so I don’t derail- They’re dead equal to me.  Saying one comes before the other kind of denotes to me, that if push came to shove, it would be one at the expense of the other and I just don’t see that as an option.

Second, I just got called selfish last night, and it’s mostly because I still have 3 years in school left, and it’s pushing back basically the rest of the things we want to do until at least that last year.  Is putting my career before what my husband wants for our future really that terrible?  As long as we both agree that it will happen eventually? I feel like I’m doing this so that our kids have enough money to do the things they want growing up, and so that I’m not making my family miserable in a career I hate 🙁 I don’t want to start another thread or threadjack, I’m just curious about those of you who said that your marriage comes before yourself- what’s your take on this?

Post # 69
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@bells219:  But you are a woman, and women aren’t allowed to make choices that affect others — that’s called being bitchy or a bridezilla or some other perjorative term.  Don’t let people call you selfish for making good decisions!

 

By The Way that was meant sarcastically, the first part.  

Post # 70
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@Mrs.Lonestar:  Have you ever heard of I Am Second? It’s an organization all about putting God first and yourself second. You might check it out, I love it! Also, just ask God to come take over your life, He is just waiting for you to ask for some help. I have never felt so good about my life and so happy than how I feel today. It’s amazing what God can do when you just ask.

Post # 71
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve had many conversations with my husband about this topic. I believe children should always be the #1 priority THEN our marriage.

Post # 72
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I would place things myself, marriage, kids. If I am mentally depressed or just emotionally unavailable I think the other two are going to suffer because of it. I put my marriage second because a strong marriage is good for your kids. They are like little sponge people and will pick up what is going on around them. So if you and your marriage are strong, the kids will be happy too.

But it is all theoretical at this point.

Post # 73
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@peachacid:  Thanks.  I’m having a really hard time being ok with that this morning.  

Post # 74
Member
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

definitely… my children, myself then my marriage. children cant take care of themselves… I want my son to know that I still love him and he was definitely in my life before my fiance was. The only person taking care of me is myself and ill still always put forth effort into my marriage but I’m not alone in that, there should be 2 people they’re trying to make that work.

Post # 76
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Please don’t take this as catty, but I think it’s ridiculous to put these things in list. It is impossible to neglect any of these at any time and say you have a balanced life. You need to take care of yourself, or you become resentful and less fulfilled. You clearly need to take care of your chidlren because they need you. Your marriage needs regular focus and attention.

I will say a friend of mine and I were recently discussing that her bf observed that her parents seem to be more devoted to each other than their children (who are both grown). He said he really respected that, and my friend said that created a great balance in their family when she was growing up. The kids didn’t get everything they wanted and learned to be self-sufficient, and the parents continued to have a great marriage. Of course they love their kids and are very committed to providing what they need, but I still think it’s a great perspective.

Just my 2 cents.

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