(Closed) Which is your priority? God, your marriage, children, yourself?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think for me, God is a separate point–I believe religion is more about what you do than what you think, so to me, being a good person and a good wife and mother would fulfill that area.

I don’t have children yet, so maybe my opinion will change, but I don’t think I would put my children first over everything in my life. I’m not someone who believes that we live for our children, and I don’t think that having kids means I should give up any of my individual identity and identify only as a mother.

I don’t think it’s selfish to say I would list myself first–if I am happy, in balance, and feel fulfilled, then I think I would be a better wife/mom to my DH and kids. I am sure my children will mean the world to me, but they won’t be the world to me.

Post # 78
Member
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

1. God

2. Marriage

3. Children

4. Me

 

To me God isn’t a person you have to physically pick up after with or get in a fight with, being spiritual is a mindset that guides your living principles and faith. So while its most important its not like I can’t also tend to my husband, self and children etc with him being first. In fact I need him to be there and for me to be continually seeking Him out to maintain my sanity!

To me marriage is like a big beautiful garden! Children would be the product of that garden, beautiful plants ( flowers, fruit, whatever you adore). A big problem develops  if I don’t keep my marriage together its like letting the soil dry out, stones get thrown in and stopping to water the plants. What ultimately happens is the children wither and suffer. I have to make my relationship a priority if I want things healthy and beautiful ( and yes that could even mean a divorce if something my husband has done is stifling the garden so to speak). And remember these are not things like well the baby is crying and hungry, but who cares, lets have sex now! Its more so a point to make sure you don’t loose yourselves.

As far as “me” I am always a work in progress. When I got married I left my single minded self attitude to join in a covenant with my husband, so now we are a team! Yes I still have my individuality, character, hobbies, traits etc and that doesn’t have to be left or ignored. It just comes down to priorities. 

Post # 79
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Jenbee:  it’s NOT that cut and dry

Post # 80
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My number one priority is God. All things are possible through him and I can not keep myself, my marriage, and my children happy without that relationship. Next comes my marriage and duty to my husband. Obviously when we have children if a child is ill or something we would care for them and we will love and nurture our children- we plan on me homeschooling so I will surely be involved! But at the same time we have a duty to each other and to keep each other happy and growing towards holiness. 

If we are happy, our children will be happy. If we spend every second making the children the center of our lives we will be unhappy, which will effect the children. Plus I don’t think it’s healthy for the child or family as a whole to make the children the center of the relationship

Post # 81
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Children, self, marriage. Not because I’m more important than my marriage, but because I can’t be present in my marriage (or my kids for that matter) if I’m not making myself a priority first. God doesn’t factor in for us as my husband is an Atheist and I am undecided about my spiritual path.

Right now my kids need to be first priority, but as they get old that will probably balance out more.

Post # 82
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So for those who are saying their marriage comes before their kids, if your kids were struggling with an illness or a problem in school that needed your attention, meanwhile your marriage was in shambles due to unrelated reasons, would your main focus be on counseling or other efforts to repair your marriage or helping your child through their situation? 

Post # 83
Member
4884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

1:  My well-being

2:  My husband’s well-being

3:  Our marriage

 

Kids and God are not a priority for us and are not and will not be a part of our lives.

Post # 84
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

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@TiffanyBlue91011:  I would ask the same of those putting kids first. If your husband is sick or having trouble at work, and your child is struggling in school, what do you do?

For me it’s more philosophical than anything, in the fact that I would have to remember my husband is my priority, but different situations can take priority. A serious illness would take priority over pretty much everything.

Post # 85
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@Future MrsB:  I justify putting God before my husband because at our wedding we make a covenant with God to come together to promote God’s love and the teachings of the Church to our family and others. 

We pray together, read scripture together.

 

In saying that I put God first I mean that I wouldn’t submit to something sinful even if it was what my husband wanted. I wouldn’t harm my relationship with God in order to please my husband- and because we are the same religion, by husband would appreciate me sticking up for him and preserving his holiness in a time of weakness

Post # 86
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@TiffanyBlue91011: I think given that situation, you have no choice but to deal with both. If my child was dying and my marriage was stuggling, obviously the child would come first. If it was just that my child was struggling in school, and my marriage was falling apart, I would address the school issue as needed (theoretically with my husband) and make marriage counselign a priority. The world just isn’t this cut and dry. Would I put my children ahead of marriage if my DH became abusive? (BTW…totally wouldn’t happen) but no, I would put the safety of myself and children first. 

Post # 87
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

In the Christian ideology, making a strong marriage is what’s best for your children, so the marriage is higher. And having an equal focus on putting God first is what makes a strong marriage. So it should be God, Marriage, Children, Yourself. I honestly don’t know that there is room in the Christian ideology for putting yourself before people you love.

DH and I are working toward God, Marriage, and will put children third when we have them. Doesn’t mean we will care about them third. It means that when we work on things, or make decisions for our family, we will start at the top, and that should take care of everything beneath it.

Post # 88
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@hisgoosiegirl:  I would put my child first! My husband is a grown adult who was or should have been managing just fine before i came along. My kids on the other hand are dependent  on me for their well being! 

Post # 89
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@TiffanyBlue91011:  Ok, I don’t think people are saying if their kid was bleeding on the side of the road and their husband had a stomach ache that the husband would come first. Some people believe in order to successfully raise their children, the marriage has to be healthy and intact first, is it affects everything else. Obviously in times of crisis it would vary.

Post # 90
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

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@KatyElle:  Like.

It’s not an emergency triage system, it’s a plan. Sometimes things go off-plan, but you do your best to get them back on track. That’s just the track.

Post # 91
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Honestly, they’re all about equal. Except children. That’s not on the cards.

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