(Closed) Which is your priority? God, your marriage, children, yourself?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 92
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Myself first. If I wasn’t my first priority, than I wouldn’t be able to give care to my marriage and hypothetical kids. So:

Myself, marriage, kids.

I also think that caring for your marriage is also best for the children. Which is why I added children last

Post # 93
6112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am not religious nor do I plan to have kids so

1. myself

2. My marriage

3. others

In reality our priorities will alternate depending on the situation of course.

When I was working and in school, there were things constantly jockeying for priority (work, homework, dog, boyfriend, myself).  It changed every hour!

I used to go to church when I was a teen, and they said to get true joy you must abide by J.O.Y. (Jesus, Others, Yourself).  Seemed like a recipe for unhappiness if you put everyone else first instead of your needs last!  You have to be in good condition/balance if you’re going to give so much of yourself to others. 

Post # 94
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

1. Myself – It all falls apart if I can’t keep myself happy

2. Children – Obviously, I have and do put my child in front of my own needs in several scenarios. However, in principle, they come second.

3. Marriage – I can life happily with my children and myself if my marriage dissolves. However, I can not live happily with myself or my children if I put my marriage as my first priority and it dissolves.


Atheist = No God Ranking

Post # 95
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m not overly religious so god isn’t part of the equation, but for me my marriage and future children should be tied… they go hand in hand, having a strong marriage will be the most beneficial to our children, but our childrens needs need to be met as well… and then for me, taking care of my marriage is part of taking care of me.  If I am not happy in my marriage then I am not taking care of  or standing up for myself… which I think is really important in any relationship.

Post # 96
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hmm this is tough..I really don’t like the Ranking thing either.


1st off, I’m an Atheist.  Then I’d say myself. marriage. children (maybe children someday…?)

I’ve told my husband before- long before we got married- that the “point of my life” isn’t being his wife. Which sounds harsh/awful but I mean, I’m not going to completely sacrifice my life for whatever he wants/ etc, just stressing an equal relationship. I laid out all the things I wanted to accomplish in life and if he didn’t support me or changed his mind about doing them as a team with me it would very much be detrimental to our relationship, maybe even to the point of breaking it.

Post # 97
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

1) Myself

2) My marriage

3) Future child

Like they say, if the woman ain’t happy, nobody is happy! ha!

Seriously, I need to take care of myself, make sure my marriage is strong, healthy and happy, then our future child will be happy. If I’m miserable, our marriage isn’t good, the child will pick up on that and we’ll all be miserable.


Post # 98
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

God will always be my first priority then my marriage then the children. Though as long as God stays number one, I find that the other two fall into place just fine.

Post # 99
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t really put more importance on any of them. I put all of what I have into everything. My spirituality is in essence, everything I do, how I treat others, how I react to others, how I accept the world around me. It is apart of who I am. I put the same amount of energy into my husband, myself and my son because to me, I can’t quantify what is most important, as they all have equal berrings in my world.

Post # 100
4369 posts
Honey bee

1. Myself/my husband 

2. Marriage

Can’t have #2 without taking care of #1. No god or children in equation. 

Post # 101
1795 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

1. Myself + my career

2. Marriage

God isn’t part of the equation for me.

Post # 102
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I’ll have to answer this pretty hypothetically because I consider myself agnostic so god doesn’t factor in for me.  I think it’s….I don’t know….selfish (?) of religion and it’s ideals to teach believes that god/beliefs/religion  have to or should rank above the love between a husband and wife or children (aka: the things that are here and now and shape your life on earth.  In my eyes, there is no gaurantee after death, so I don’t agree that god should rank above anyone.  Plus, I was raised catholic but am not practicing and if you’re learning god is selfless, accepting, and loving–not that catholics teach this at all, least of all accepting–wouldn’t you think he’d want to you to put everything before him? I don’t know.  That’s why it makes me irriated).

Also, I am not a fan of children and likely won’t have them, so my hypothetical answer would be:

1. Marriage/husband

2. Me

3. Children.

If #’s 1 and 2 aren’t happy, healthy, stable, a cohesive unit, team, etc…#3 is going to suffer greatly.  I would never put kids above my husband. 

Post # 103
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

marriage then kids.  (not really religious)



Post # 104
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it’s important to have a strong marriage before, during and after children. Having a strong marriage means it has to be a priority.

Post # 105
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@DeathByDesign:  I was with you up until Christ!  Christ is not my God but thank you for that perspective.  I think it can apply to anyone’s view of God.


View original reply
@Future MrsB:  I asked kinda the same question although I’m not an atheist and a few bees responded.


View original reply
@MM423:  “I don’t think for me, God is a separate point–I believe religion is more about what you do than what you think, so to me, being a good person and a good wife and mother would fulfill that area.”  This is what I wanted to say as well but I couldn’t figure out how to say it!  Thank you.

Post # 106
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have watch so many of my friends work on thier relationship so hard they feel bad about not emotionally being thire for the childs needs (whos life your molding not your mans) start giving things to them and letting them get by with thing out of guilt like it replaces not being thier for them.  If your marrage is so needy your focus and priority has to remain on each other do not have children? Dont bring life into this world if you have no plan to put it first.  You are god in your childs eyes not your husbands.

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