(Closed) Which is your priority? God, your marriage, children, yourself?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 107
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not reading through three pages of responses, but I’m a little worried about how to prioritize after marriage. I’m not religious so god has no place in my line-up, but I am already a mother, so I can speak on that part. I would like to say marriage and children should tie as priorities. For me, right now, it’s my daughter, my relationship with my Fiance, then myself. I chose that order because, it migh be bad to say it, but if I had to choose between my Fiance and my daughter [hope that never has to happen because it would be extremely difficult], I would choose my daughter. She’s the light of my life and definitely my top priority.

Post # 108
Member
8021 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

1) My children

2) My marriage

3) Myself

 

Post # 109
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@Mrs. Bear Cheese Pie:  I agree. I do comp greatly for my relationship with him so i guess i do put our relationship before myself In that nature but having to choose….myself for my sons sake. 

 

I think the only thing i am shocked at is the ones with children who say thier marrage is priority overthier kids.

Post # 110
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

1. Children.

2. Marriage.

3. We aren’t religious. 

Post # 111
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Its shocking to me how many people put themselves ahead of their children and marriages! Once you are married its no longer about you, its about both of you. Once you have kids, again, its about the whole family then. You are a unit. Thats just my opinion.

With that being said: 1. The LORD Almighty 2. Marriage 3. Future children

I believe GOD always comes first. Then our marriage. Like

View original reply
@sweetpea87: said “…making a strong marriage is what’s best for your children, so the marriage is higher. And having an equal focus on putting God first is what makes a strong marriage. So it should be God, Marriage, Children, Yourself.”

But i dont agree with the last part. As a Christian we are to do as Jesus would (WWJD) and Jesus put everyone else before himself. so for me it would be 1. GOD 2. marriage 3. children 4. my brother and sister in the Lord and all others who dont believe 5. then me

I dont get up in the morning thinking ‘what can i do for ME today’ i think about my GOD, my husband and who i can reach out to today. (i guess that is for me, i get joy out of helping others, dont we all LOL)

But again this is just my opinion i know others dont agree with everything i said, but thats ok 🙂

Post # 112
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I relate to what @KristenGettingMarried said:

1. My well being

2. My husbands well being  

3. Our marriage

The “well being” aspect really speaks to me!

That being said, the decisions I make in my life, my priorities, tend to balance all of these so none is “more important” than the other as none really need to sacrifice one over another. None need end up at the expense of another where you have healthy individuals and a healthy relationship. It is certainly NOT like I think “well, how can I screw everything else over and only think of me.” It is all connected. My husbands well being and my strong marriage IS also part of my well being. I also believe that one of the ways I can give so much to my partner and my marriage is by loving myself and remaining healthy myself. Like @KatyElle said, it allows me to be present and authentic. My husband I are both big believers that a marriage is what each of you bring to it as individuals, and that we as self-aware, self-responsible, and healthy individuals make for a stronger and happier marriage. 

I do not believe in God, and I am childfree.

I know when I used to think I would have kids though, I was always of the belief my relationship with my spouse would remain a priority over the children. I believe one of the best ways to be there for your kids is to maintain a strong relationship with their other parent for many reasons. 

 

Post # 114
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It is clear to me you cant know your priorities with this question in reality till you have all three…believe in God, are or been in a marriage, and have a child or children.

Post # 115
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
@Otulyssa:  So only God believing, married (or divorced/widowed?), parents can have opinions on what they value or place as priorities in their lives?

Ooookay. 

 

 

 

Post # 116
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@Otulyssa:  Agreed! I would never in a million years put my relationship with a grown ass man above my relationship with my own flesh and blood! But it seems like our thinking is in the minority, hopefully bc this is a wedding/marriage website and that’s what’s on everybody’s mind.

Post # 117
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@RayKay:  You clearly missed the words….know and reality….what part about those words do opinions play….because i never said anything about opinions?

Post # 118
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

1) myself = marriage = children. 2) my job

God – n/a 

i have two kids…they are adolescents now…we had really rough beginnings and my life was all about them for many years. at some point, i got to a place where i found myself having no identity, very depressed and in a dark place. i realized i wouldn’t make it if i didn’t take care of myself and nurture my own growth/spirituality. i really feel that i now have a lot more to give to my kids and family.

 

Post # 119
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
@Otulyssa:  Okay, I was not distinguishing between what people know for themselves or have an opinion on for themselves, and my “place as priorities” was referring to action (reality) not opinion but just to be clear I change my comment:

I do not believe in God, or want kids so know where my priorities lay in respect to those items (as in they are not priorities at all), and I know where my priorities lay in respect to myself, my husband, and my marriage.

I do not need all of them to be present in my life to know what my priorities are.

I do agree that people may find their priorities change through their lives, and they may change as they add more elements (such as children) but that does not mean they can’t know for themselves what their priorities are as they are based on certain experiences and beliefs or that they *will* change their expected priorities.

Post # 120
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Children and marriage will be treated equil… then comes myself… however… i will come first when the time permits

Post # 121
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

being athiest I dont understand the god thing… putting god before someone you love is just rediculous!

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