Post # 1
Again, I need some advice please 🙂 I’m having a hard time deciding who I would like to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I know I have a ton of time before the wedding but I’d like to have that certain someone who helps me with wedding decisions (other than FI) and all that.
BC- I talk to her about every day and about just about everything. We met over a year ago in school. She was there when Fi proposed and was in on the plan. Buttt she can be flaky and I’m not entirely sure I can count on her to be 100% dependable.
BD- Someone I super close to. I don’t talk to her as often because she is over an hour away, but we always make it a point to see each other when I’m in town and we talk for hours. She always asks about the wedding which makes me feel like she genuinely cares.
LK- Friends since we were 9, but I don’t talk to her regularly. I always pictured her as my Maid/Matron of Honor but she hasn’t even seen my ring or seen me in months. I try to see her when I’m in our hometown, but she never answers my texts (she goes to school in a rural area without cell service and doesn’t check facebook often).
Post # 3
I voted for BD for two reasons; first, “someone I’m super close to” and second “she always asks about the wedding which makes me feel like she genuinely cares.”
She sounds like someone who will be happy for you, support you and be there for you if need be, where as the other two friends seem better fitted to be bridesmaids, where there isn’t as much responsibility and they don’t have to be as available as you Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 4
I chose LK, to me she sounds like a life-long friend who you don’t need to necessarily see all the time. One of those people who you could go 3 years without seeing and the minute you see each other it’s like no time passed at all! You can just pick up where you left off! I would pick the lifer, personally
Post # 5
I voted for BD – it doesn’t sound as though you’ve known BC very long, and choosing her as your Maid/Matron of Honor would be more a matter of convenience than actual closeness in the relationship. LK might have been your friend for a very long time but, from what you’ve said, it sounds as though you and LK are drifting apart. You could still ask her to be a bridesmaid, of course, but I don’t think she’d be great as a Maid/Matron of Honor.
Having said that, though, I strongly believe that the only responsibilities of bridesmaids and MOHs is to show up on the day of your wedding wearing the right dress. Anything else they do (showers, hen’s party, being interested in the wedding) should be considered as a gift and not expected by the bride. If you do have expectations of the bridal party, make sure you let them know, because so many people come on here complaining about their bridesmaids not throwing them a shower or planning a bachelorette for them.
Post # 6
I also chose BD. I also had a hard time choosing a Maid/Matron of Honor. I agree with Mischka on the reasonings. I always pictured having a Maid/Matron of Honor be a long-time friend, someone that would be such an obvious choice. I dont think you always have to chose someone just because they have been around the longest. It’s more about the quality of friend. If you choose LK, is it going to be difficult to talk about important wedding plans if communication is already difficult now? I also dont think this should be a reason to NOT choose her, but just trying to throw some thoughts out there. Is BC a friend that you will still stay in contact after school?
Choosing someone with geniuine interest in your wedding can be a benefit, as it seems these people have a more enjoyable time and see this as a privelege rather than a burden on planning showers, parties, etc.
Best of luck!
Post # 7
BD sounds the best bet. I would possibly choose LK. It’s possibly she’s distancing herself from you, but it could be that she still really values the friendship and is just having trouble replying. Perhaps talk to her and see how the friendship feels. I think a good rule of thumb is: when in doubt, order your BMs (including MOH) by how long you’ve known them.
No way would I have someone who I’d only known a year. Sorry BC, you’re a good friend but not close enough to be Maid/Matron of Honor.
Another option is to not call anyone Maid/Matron of Honor. I only had two (sister and best friiend), and called them both bridesmaids.
Post # 8
This is me personally, but I want my Maid/Matron of Honor to be my right-hand man, so to speak. And I’ve read a lot of wedding traditions that state the Maid/Matron of Honor has more responsibilities than any of the other bridesmaids. If you’re planning on adhearing to these traditions or you want a lot of support from your Maid/Matron of Honor, I vote for BD. The fact that you described BC as flaky made me automatically not vote for her. LK would get my second place vote given how long you’ve known her, but it sounds like it’s hard to get a hold of her.
Good luck! I had a lot of Maid/Matron of Honor back and forth in my head between my two best friends, so I understand how hard that decision can be!