(Closed) Which of the following 'kid free wedding' scenarios do you find offensive?(POLL)

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Which of the following 'kid free wedding' scenarios do you find offensive?

    Kid free wedding in any form. My kids are a part of me - don't invite me and not them.

    They have flower girls / ring bearers but other kids aren't invited

    Family-guests' kids ARE invited but friend-guests' kids ARE NOT invited

    Immediate family's kids (bride or groom's nieces and nephews) not invited

    Breast feeding infants not invited

    Out of town guests' kids not invited

    No kids due to bride/groom preference as opposed to inappropriate venue/costs/maximum headcount etc.

    Kids can come if needed but have to stay in supervised (fun!) crèche and not allowed to join adults

    None of the above. If I have kids I might not attend for logistical reasons but not upset/offended

  • Post # 16
    7994 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I have three children and it is beyond me that people get upset when their children are not invited to a wedding. The bride/groom and their parents (if they are paying) have every right to determine what kind of event they are hosting and at what cost. I attended three adults-only weddings in the 9 mos I nursed my first child.

    The first was my sister’s husband’s brother and baby boy was under 2 months–I attended and pumped as discreetly as I could in the car between the ceremony and reception and again on the way home. We didn’t stay late but were happy to share in their celebration.

    Next my exH was a groomsman in an out-of-state wedding. We got a suite at the hotel and my sister and her husband drove in to stay with DS for the rehearsal dinner and wedding. It was a Catholic wedding–so a gap–and I used that to nurse. 

    Another adults-only family wedding a plane ride away when the same child was 6 mos and still nursing–that one was more challenging but the bride graciously found a good friend’s nanny (not a stranger) to babysit him in our hotel room for the wedding. Where there is a will there is a way…

    Post # 17
    6104 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t have kids but I do find it rude when 1. some kids are allowed, while others aren’t, 2. infants aren’t allowed (because they need their mother when they’re that young), and 3. out of town guests can’t bring kids (some people don’t have family members close that can watch their kids for the weekend).

    Personally, I don’t see the problem with kids at weddings. All the weddings I’ve been to have had kids and it’s never been an issue.

    Post # 18
    531 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    I wouldn’t want kids at my wedding but will have my niece/nephew as they are part of my family and are gaining a new uncle.  That doesn’t mean I want to have all my friends children there.  For me, bridal party children only but would be okay with a under 6 month who was BF coming. 

    Post # 19
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    It depends. If you are having a very formal event, having kids may not be appropriate, for me personally, I don’t like the idea of having children running around my wedding when I have a cigar bar and open alcohol, I don’t want my adult guests to have to watch what they say or do because there are children around if you get what I mean… We also are hoping to cut costs and not inviting children will save a huge amount. I was never invited to weddings as a child and my parents never had an issue, it was a date night for them since the event wasn’t kid friendly.

    However there are always exceptions, I would never say no to a breast feeding mother, if you have an infant, of course you bring your infant!!

    I would never be offended, weddings are expensive events, I would never expect the bride and groom to make cuts to other adults to allow my children to attend and to still fit within their budget … My mom said to me when I was trying to decide whether or not to invite kids and got backlash “We all love our children. But they are not an additional arm or leg we need attached to us 24/7”.

    I had a cousin who told my mom that her 9 year old is a part of her and if she cannot come, then my cousin will not be attending. My mothers response was this: “You go out every week and post pictures of your girls nights at bars, and you haven’t once brought ____ along for that. Why is this any different?” She didn’t have a response to that. If you want a kid free wedding, have a kid free wedding. It’s your night, and if people won’t attend because their children aren’t invited, then they won’t attend. Don’t sweat it! But if a mother is breastfeeding, thats a non-negotiable invite lol

    Post # 20
    1014 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 1984

    View original reply
    berrybelle:  In my culture kids come to wetddings and I’m used to (and actually like)  a cacophony of children running around at the reception. My son and FDIL are planning a child free wedding and I think that’s fine too – it’s their day.

    I would have attended a wedding without the kids if logistically possible and enjoyed it. However, there are some brides posting on this site complaining about guests’ inability/unwillingness to make care arrangements for the kids in order to attend a child free wedding. They minimize the parent’s concerns “it’s only for a day/couple of hours.” Just as you want to be respected for your decision to have a child free wedding you need to respect that not everyone is going to be able to attend. 

    I also object to complaining to the couple and/or extended family about the decision to have a child free event. I can’t even imagine why anyone thinks that’s OK. Either you can make it or you can’t.  Why add stress to an already busy time? 

    Post # 21
    2412 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Why do we currently consider children appendages (like polyps?) rather than children?

    Children have no place at weddings because weddings are long, very boring events FOR ADULTS.

    YEARS AGO, weddings WERE truly family events. 

    They were frequently held before sundown and were typically a Church service or secular ceremony followed by a dinner. Sometimes, not always, there was open bar. Ours was a VERY expensive wedding, and ONE choice of entree was served.

    Today, many or most weddings are at night, and sometimes as long as 7 hours, with no set plans for dining times, often VERY loud music and sometimes boring speeches and activities. 

    The job of children is to run, to play, to explore. Children need regular predictable schedules, with predictable eating and sleeping times.Does your wedding planning include those provisions, PLUS provision for the safety and comfort and enjoyment of ALL of your guests?

    Children DO NOT HAVE FUN at weddings, and if parents supervise their tots, they don’t have fun either AND if parents dn’t supervise, the tiny tots add screamibg, whining, crying, and racing to the solemnity and ambience of the event.

    I DO NOT agree with THE BRIDE AS QUEEN, but that doesn’t mean I think the concept of “family wedding” means making children act like drag alongs.

    BLESSINGS and Beautiful weddings to all ADULTS!!!!!

    Post # 22
    4913 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wanted a child-free wedding, but finally compromised on no children under age 5 at the ceremony. We ended up only have 1 toddler and 1 infant anyway, and they were both well behaved at the reception.

    I’ve been to a wedding where I couldn’t hear a single word of the vows because a child was screaming the entire time. (I’m not a mother, but I can’t even fathom not removing my child from the ceremony if that happened!) Somehow, it’s offensive to some people when they cannot bring their kids – what about offending those who are there to witness a marriage, but don’t get to hear the most important moments?

    Full disclosure – my parents are those people, much to my chagrin. I discovered while planning that my parents were greatly offended that my siblings and I were not invited to my father’s cousin’s wedding (I was so young that I have no recollection of this wedding) and refused to attend. To this day, they barely associate with one another.

    It’s ridiculous and rude to assume that your personal preferences regarding your children should be taken into consideration for another person’s event. (Assuming they are gracious/understanding if you politely decline an invitation.)

    Post # 23
    3087 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would  never even bring my kids to a wedding unless it was a really close family member who specifically asked for them to be there for whatever reason.Personally, I think it would be exhausting to have my kids along.

    Post # 24
    2803 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    None of these options are offensive to me. Fiance and I don’t get out a lot, and it is so rare to have a date night without our son, so we are totally fine with adult only weddings.

    The only exceptions on the list I would make for my mostly adult wedding (kids in bridal party) is for nursing infants and out of town guests. I would actually LOVE to be able to hire a baby sitter off site for kids, but TBH, the only people I trust to watch my kids are going to be at the wedding and I wouldn’t hire a stranger and put them in charge of my loved ones children. 

    Post # 25
    2342 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    View original reply
    Rabbit56:  but what if the flower girl is close family or God-daughter and your child is neither? At some weddings, including all guests’ children can increase the total headcount dramatically. Should people prioritise small children they may not have met over friends and family? Most children love the idea of a wedding and are bored witless by the reality. Hence the crying and bad behaviour that makes so many couples want a child-free event. 

    Post # 26
    626 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    We’re planning to ask parents to make alternate childcare arrangements because our wedding is not going to be a kid-friendly event. The ceremony is at 6 PM, and dinner won’t be served until 7:30-8:00. If they insist on bringing them, so be it, but they’re not going to be named on the invitation. 

    We’re taking this stance because most of the children in question are under 5, and none of our invitees have kids older than 10. 

    Post # 27
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    For me, I am having all children bar 2 (my cousins babies) as they both gave birth last month, I love having children at weddings I think seeing them having fun is so magical. However the children at the wedding will be all 4-5+ so a bit more controlable. I am paying a lot for a videographer and I am not having a 6 month old (or 2 of them as the situation dictates) crying through my vows! If that means the mothers can’t come as they are breast feeding so be it. Its my day, my money I am spending I do not care if you are offended your baby is not invited (breast feeding or not) 

    Post # 28
    314 posts
    Helper bee

    I just hate hearing when some guests (family, and usually those are the type to bend the rules if a friend asks) can bring kids and some can not. How much of a friend are they to you if the have to go through the trouble (maybe also expense) to find someone to babysit their child(ren) or just not be able to go when others can bring them? I also get a bit annoyed when the couple has their own kids in the wedding but had a kid free wedding. I get it, its a special moment you want them to see but don’t you think other guests might want that to? To share this moment not being separated from their own family?

    I get the breastfeeding thing but I also get why a couple wouldn’t want the possibility of a screaming baby ruining their vows and also destroying the experience for everyone else. Most breastfeeding mothers can pump and have bottles ready, if they really wanted to go see the couple getting married they can just pump and few bottles and ask to leave after the ceremony ends. If this is a local wedding it might only take 2-3 hours total. Is it a bit inconvenient? Yeah, but most people work for about the same time as a wedding goes on for and mothers don’t usually bring their children to work, right?

    I think people just make a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be. Some places and activities just aren’t kid friendly. I think it should just be as close to fair to everyone and people should respect the couples wishes. When they host a party and pay for it, they can have all the kids they want.

    Post # 29
    3 posts

    My fiance and I were just talking about this for ours! Not kid free but how we go about the invites in terms of how long do kids stay at weddings?

    We were thinking of asking the families with kids if they want to come just to the ceremony and meal, and then at around 8pm after the first dance when the DJ starts, the buffet, evening guests, alcohol, and general party atmophere etc…. Then we feel maybe the kids would go home at this point anyway?.. We have no idea how it all works but I think it may be nice to have the last couple of hours to let loose and have fun and not worry about having kids running round/tired/crying etc? 

    Post # 30
    79 posts
    Worker bee

    I have no problem with child free weddings and will be having one myself. I asked all the parents I invited and they were fine with this – most were actually excited about it. They’re looking forward to being able to party without worrying about their little ones.

    As a child I went to many weddings (when I was between 4-6) and was a flower girl a few times. I remember quite a few of them and recall being kind of left on my own to just sit bored while everyone around me got drunk and partied. I was a very quiet kid though.

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