(Closed) Which of the following 'kid free wedding' scenarios do you find offensive?(POLL)

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Which of the following 'kid free wedding' scenarios do you find offensive?

    Kid free wedding in any form. My kids are a part of me - don't invite me and not them.

    They have flower girls / ring bearers but other kids aren't invited

    Family-guests' kids ARE invited but friend-guests' kids ARE NOT invited

    Immediate family's kids (bride or groom's nieces and nephews) not invited

    Breast feeding infants not invited

    Out of town guests' kids not invited

    No kids due to bride/groom preference as opposed to inappropriate venue/costs/maximum headcount etc.

    Kids can come if needed but have to stay in supervised (fun!) crèche and not allowed to join adults

    None of the above. If I have kids I might not attend for logistical reasons but not upset/offended

  • Post # 46
    178 posts
    Blushing bee

    I have to admit, this children-at-weddings discussion always elicits a “tickled funny bone” and “head scratcher” response from me!

    I’ve always thought of weddings as just a very big dinner party that fancy adults go to lol When I was a kid, my parents never brought me along to weddings or other parties that weren’t “Christmas at Grandma’s house” or a family reunion.  In my particular family culture/social circle, kids just weren’t at weddings. If an aunt or uncle was getting married, either I’d get dropped off at a cousin’s house or they’d be dropped off at our house (already in pajamas, of course) and then the oldest cousin would be the babysitter. I was a really well-behaved kid and was good at keeping myself entertained, but it was more about the “seriousness” and meaning of the event I think (long Catholic ceremonies) that the adults all just decided it was over our heads and it’d be nice to get away from us anyway lol

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by Mrs.BigBear.
    Post # 47
    353 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015 - Versailles Banquets (Northwest Suburbs of Chicago)

    The only kids that will be at our wedding are ones that are in it and I don’t think anybody has complained, yet.  Granted, we have 11 kids as part of the wedding.  Some of the families we have talked to with kids say they are looking forward to the night out without the little ones and that is the general feeling we were going for.  The kids that are in our wedding we see on a weekly basis and are a big part of our lives that’s why we found something special for them to actually be part of the wedding.  I think if you can’t bring your kid(s) and you are upset because you only trust those that are also invited to the wedding, that just means that you cannot go and I don’t think you should take that out on the bride and groom.  They are allowed to do whatever they want as it is their wedding.

    Post # 48
    3067 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    berrybelle:  I had a kid free wedding ( even my own nephews weren’t invited, along with any cousins under 18)

    We had an entire out of town family not come (which im assuming) was bc we didn’t allow children. they have middle school and hs age kids- nobody under 18 means nobody under 18 which we totally understood-Why would they travel to leave their kids in a hotel. I dont think anyone was offended either way. 

    If someone called me and asked me if their BF infant could come I of course would have said fine, but It was very much a non kid wedding lol. 

    Nobody seemed to care, really.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by Boxerlover24.
    Post # 49
    390 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I have kids and honestly, most of the time they are invited I don’t take them.  I use it as a night out.  If it is someone really close to all of us I will take them if invited but if they are not it doesn’t bother me at all.

    Post # 50
    3081 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    berrybelle:  really i wouldnt be offended if kids couldnt come, but i did select “family kids can come, but not friends” kind of makes sense, i guess? But i think you would have offended parents if they left their kids at home and then saw a bunch of kids running around. But i can see the view of the bride and groom – they might actually know these kids. 

    Post # 51
    2368 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    I don’t think nursing infants, or any infants belong at a wedding, unless it is a short reception in the afternoon. Even so, why take your newborn baby around a bunch of people? Have some drunken fool want to hold the baby , or dance with the baby?

    As for kids up to the age of about 14, it is boring for them at best, and at worst, they misbehave badly. When I was  Maid/Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding she had an adults only rececption, specifically because of her brother’s kids. Her brother & SIL drank heavily at events and let their kids do whatever they wanted. She had visions of the cake table being pushed over, and food fights.

    Speaking of food, some kids meals are quite expensive, and young kids don’t eat much at events. Imagine paying $25 for a plate of macaroni & cheese that a toddler will dump on the floor.

    I was raised in the 1950’s and 60’s, and my parents felt that it is a trade-off, if I wasn’t invited somewhere, they didn’t go either. It isn’t anyone’s place to dictate or get mad about other people’s events

    Post # 52
    1054 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think the breast feeding infant is a bit offensive. In that situation, it basically comes down to either bringing the child or not coming at all (there’s pumping and such but some people don’t bottle-feed their babies at all, regardless of what’s in the bottle), so by saying “you can’t bring your breast-fed infant you’re essentially saying “you’re not invited to my wedding” because it leaves the mother without a choice. Not to mention, a breast- feeding infant won’t cost any additional money to have at the wedding. It just seems sillu to me to tell a breast- feeding mother no, she can’t bring her baby. 


    Personally ly not a mother so it’s hard to say what would offend me, but that’s the one i voted for anyways!

    Post # 53
    8434 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    We had a kid free wedding, but made exceptions for breastfeeding babies/infants.  I personally don’t care why a couple isn’t inviting kids as long as they’re okay with their guests declining invites.

    Post # 54
    453 posts
    Helper bee

    In My Humble Opinion I think the bride and groom need to have a black and white rule and whatever it is they should stick to it. Some wedding scenarios like a black tie evening wedding in a hotel ballroom just AREN’T suited to children no matter which way you as parent try to spin it, so just respect the couples wishes and enjoy the night off, or alternately if are so offended, skip the bitching and just politely decline – chalk it up to them not having kids and not understanding your position and move on.

    Post # 55
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    When you have children, you make sacrifices. Sometimes that means you can’t do what you want when you want. It stinks when you cant attend something but YOU made the choice to have children. 

    I don’t know where all these people get off on thinking their child should attend everything. parties and events are planned by the couple, not you, so if you don’t like their rules, don’t go! Simple as that. 

    Post # 56
    3163 posts
    Sugar bee

    This is such a cultural thing. In many cultures children are used to going to and behaving at events and restaurants. It’s not impossible for children to go to, behave at, and enjoy weddings and other “adult” events.

    Having said that the only one I voted for was BF infants as that’s equivalant to giving a courtsey invite to the family knowing they’re likely not to be able to come. If I was in that position (either the inviter with a no infants policy or invitee) i would have a conversation rather than send an invite.


    Post # 57
    2411 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    Beachy53:  This is not an era of common sense child rearing. You must be someone old, like me, or someone who is blessed with retro child rearing concepts.

    I could not possibly agree with you more. 

    I nursed 2 infants and can’t think of a single situation in which I had to make an angst ridden decision about take them or leave them or I’m heartbroken because I can’t go.

    Infants are infants for a very short period of time. While they are infants they are entitled to be treated as infants. I, as a grownup, considered my needs to be secondary to theirs.

    We all worked out fine with that arrangement.

    Post # 58
    510 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    View original reply
    Drizzle:  Im in agreement with you. My point was the rule needs to be black and white. If that’s immediate family kids allowed, that’s fine. But the guests need to know where the bride and groom are drawing the line. The rule, what ever it may be, imo should be easy to understand and follow, to stop other guests getting annoyed

    Post # 59
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee

    I chose the breastfeeding one. None of the rest bother me at all… you dont want kids there, you only want particular kids there, you only chose to have this one kid in the world there… I really dont care either way. And I have two kids. I can’t eat dinner at home in peace most nights because my 2yr old wants a bite only off mommy’s plate and my 13yr old wants to seconds thirds and fourths before everyone else has even sat down lol so a night out at a wedding without them would be welcomed not offensive. However if they were invited and if I did bring them and if I was nursing (which I did, when, where and however I wanted for a year) and I was told that I couldn’t… I’d be offended. Why does everyone get to eat in the most comfortable way but my child who’s also a guest? That said, I wouldn’t rock out with my top out wearing black tie at the fancy dinner table mid-toast lol but you know what I’m saying….

    Post # 60
    3107 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

    I think it should be all or nothing, I don’t believe in child free weddings that still have a flower girl and ring bearer, or a few select kids. 

    The topic ‘Which of the following 'kid free wedding' scenarios do you find offensive?(POLL)’ is closed to new replies.

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