(Closed) Which of the following 'kid free wedding' scenarios do you find offensive?(POLL)

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Which of the following 'kid free wedding' scenarios do you find offensive?
    Kid free wedding in any form. My kids are a part of me - don't invite me and not them. : (17 votes)
    3 %
    They have flower girls / ring bearers but other kids aren't invited : (38 votes)
    6 %
    Family-guests' kids ARE invited but friend-guests' kids ARE NOT invited : (91 votes)
    15 %
    Immediate family's kids (bride or groom's nieces and nephews) not invited : (48 votes)
    8 %
    Breast feeding infants not invited : (110 votes)
    18 %
    Out of town guests' kids not invited : (55 votes)
    9 %
    No kids due to bride/groom preference as opposed to inappropriate venue/costs/maximum headcount etc. : (16 votes)
    3 %
    Kids can come if needed but have to stay in supervised (fun!) crèche and not allowed to join adults : (35 votes)
    6 %
    None of the above. If I have kids I might not attend for logistical reasons but not upset/offended : (204 votes)
    33 %
  • Post # 61
    Member
    1206 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    MrsFiveOh:  But just to play devil’s advocate, what about working mothers?  They can’t bring their breastfeeding infant to work and some how manage to make it work.  I mean I personally would make the exception but not everyone feels that way.  It doesn’t mean you’re saying the mother is essentially not invited because they can also make the choice to pump like working mothers do.

    Post # 62
    Member
    766 posts
    Busy bee

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    Curlycupcake:  Seeing what a couple of my Stay-At-Home Mom friends have gone through, it’s not necessarily that easy.  Yes, working moms have to eventually force their kids to take a bottle, and they will eventually, so they don’t starve.  But especially once you get to a certain point where your kid has never taken a bottle, sometimes it can be really hard to get them to take one.  My friend left her 8 month old for my bachelorette party, totally freaked out because she didn’t know if her kid was going to eat – he refused to take a bottle and wasn’t great with solid foods.  But at least she left him with her husband and parents, so if it was a disaster, they could handle it.  A lot of people wouldn’t want to put that on a babysitter for a wedding.

    Post # 63
    Member
    4813 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    berrybelle:  What bothers me are double standards – if it is no kids, fine, but don’t make exceptions for some kids and not others.  JMHO.

    Post # 64
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

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    Curlycupcake:  Most don’t manage, that’s one of the reasons why breastfeeding rates in the US are so low. But generally breastfeeding mothers with infants should be accomodated. It’s not like a breastfeeding infant is going to cost anything or run away and cause any damage. 

    Post # 65
    Member
    1206 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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    goblueca:  
    View original reply
    tyene:  Fair enough.  I guess I was just thinking about the friends who I have that have gone back to work and pump but I’m sure it’s not that easy for everyone.  Anyway, I do think breastfeeding moms are an acception to the rule.

    Post # 66
    Member
    1054 posts
    Bumble bee

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    Curlycupcake:  haha I’m not that passionate about it. I Personally will never be offended by it because I’ll never be a breastfeeding mother, but it would be a little ridiculous to expect someone to start pumping JUST so they can attend your wedding.  I wouldn’t tell a breastfeeding mother no, and I don’t really see a reason to like I explained in my first post. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    335 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

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    Curlycupcake:  Also moms that choose to pump and/or leave a baby at home are able to do so. It’s not like breastfeeding mom exception is unfair to pumping moms. It’s just a rule fo small infants. If a mom comes with such an infant and gives infant a bottle no one is their sane mind is going to kick her out cause she’s not feeding with her breast. 😉

    Depending on the time of the event, I would say that I find leaving a few months old for few hours bearable for some, but I would not leave a 6 months child for a weekend, for example (and yes, I would travel with a healthy 6 months child). 

    Post # 68
    Member
    9544 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’m generally hard to offend, so I’m not offended by the idea of child free weddings. The only thing I’d really see as wrong would be inviting family kids but not friend kids (unless you’re only inviting the flower girl/ring bearers, to me that’s different). As a (hopefully) soon to be breastfeeding mom I would be extremely grateful to be able to bring a breastfeeding infant if it’s an out of town wedding. But, if I couldn’t, I’d be annoyed but not really offended. 

    All that being said – I love when there are kids at weddings and consider them family friendly events. It baffles me to hear that people think kids don’t have fun at weddings or that their parents can’t have fun if their kids are at a wedding. Maybe they go to different kinds of weddings than I do. At my wedding, there were tons of kids from newborns to a couple teenagers. The kids had a ball running around on the lawn at the cocktail hour, they ate the same buffet everyone else ate, and they absolutely tore it up on the dance floor, which encouraged more adults to dance as well. Yes, there was an open bar and some guests were feeling the influence and I don’t think it did any of the kids any harm. They get a chance to learn that sometimes adults drink to much and act silly. So while it’s fine to have an adult only wedding, don’t make it sound like having a wedding that includes kids is wrong, either. (not that you made it sound like that, OP, but several commenters have said things along those lines.)

    Post # 69
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee

    To me it boils down to whether the couple have any sort of relationship with the children in question.  Most people are close to their neices and nephews so it stands to reason that they are a natural inclusion in the guest list but most people do not have close bond with their friends children and to expect people to pay $100 a head or so to have them at the wedding just so they can accompany their parents is a little selfish on the part of the parents. Little breastfeeding babies are a no -brainer. Of course they should be included if the mother is truly wanted there.

      I think children add a wonderful dimension to the celebrations.  I have fond memories of attending weddings as a child.  Having said that I respect people’s right to have a child-free event. If the couple mattered to me I wouldn’t hesitate to organsie babysitting so I could be there to celebrate their nuptials.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by Profile Photo observer.
    Post # 70
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    Carolsays:  none of my relatives or close friends would ever permit a baby to cry during the ceremony without removing them.  We had a funeral recently with a few family attending with their infants, and they organised in advance who would remove the children if they started crying (partners who weren’t close to the late grandmother)

    they had over cranked the heater in the room so it was extremely stuffy and all the babies started to fuss at different points, all were removed before they had even gotten to crying mode, within about ten seconds of a tiny noise being made.  It’s not difficult if you are a normal respectful person.  that’s just awful about the wedding you experienced, I would have lost it at the mum.

    i would however never remove a close friend/family member from the guest list or made them feel unwelcome because they had an infant. New mums often feel isolated enough as it is.

    now if I was having a child free wedding and a friend/family member couldnt be bothered organising a babysitter for the night for their non breastfeeding, toddler and up children? They are making that choice and I would be happy to not invite them/accept their decline.

    Post # 71
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Country Club

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    lareolin:  Totally agree here! 

     

    We had a kid free wedding besides our ring bearer and flower girl from out of state. It was our choice as we don’t have children, and it’s our wedding that we didn’t want kids at. No need for anyone to be offended- If people wanted to RSVP no, they could have. 

    Post # 72
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee

    I think kid-free weddings are sad. 

    Post # 73
    Member
    4891 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I also think it’s the couple’s choice, and if they don’t want kids… that’s fine.

    I haven’t read through all of these responses, but we only invited kids that we were related to. These includes our newphews (who were our ring bearers), and then cousins kids. Dh has a large family, so there was still plenty of kids.

    Most of our friends with kids were happy to have a night out and away for adult-time, so we didn’t feel like it was an issue. They knew about the wedding well in advance to make plans for a baby sitter.

    I only had one person (a friends wife, I know him better than her), who asked me about it when they saw the Children’s Meal option on our RSVP but only invited the couple. I explained the reason and said if she wanted to bring their child, that was fine… but then one of you has to stay home since we only have 2 seats available for your party. I laughed inside because she was one who was very bridezilla about extra guests when they got married, and even told a GM’s wife that a friend of hers that was in town couldn’t even come to the dance later in the evening… which was after we ate so no additional cost would have been created.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  Kacie209.
    Post # 74
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee

    I don’t care who another bride invites to her wedding. If she wants no kids, or some kids, that’s her choice.

    If I were nursing a baby who wasn’t allowed, I just wouldn’t come. My babies didn’t take bottles and I didn’t pump.

    If I had to travel and my children weren’t invited, I just wouldn’t come. I had no problem leaving my children with a sitter for an evening, but never overnight. Not even for a family member would I do that.

    Post # 75
    Member
    35 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Good grief…this is the couples choice…end of discussion. 

    Yes, back in the day weddings were “family affairs” but that was also a time when weddings only included cake and mints and punch. These days weddings can cost a lot of money, and how that couple chooses to spend that money is up to them.

    I was married a year ago and we had this same issue with our friends. Most of our friends were married in their mid to late 20’s, before anyone had kids. We were married in our early 30’s, and low and behold folks are acting like they don’t remember how difficult it is a plan this sort of thing. We decided to only invite children who were relatives – which ended up being my 2 nieces, his 1 niece and 1 nephew, and 1 cousin whose mother (my aunt who used to babysit me as a kid) wouldn’t be able to come otherwise because she would never have the money to get a sitter.

    If someone had had the gall to ask me about it, I would have told them where to go. Couples spend a lot of money on weddings these day and have every right to choose their guest list accordingly. And if you don’t like it, don’t go. It’s really not a big deal. As someone who will be a mother in the near future, that’s what I plan to do. Either we’ll get someone to watch the little one or we’ll send a nice gift. No big deal!

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