Post # 17
You should always attend the event that you first committed yourself to. So sure, this is a cousin’s wedding and it’d be nice to go if you didn’t have a prior engagement, but you have confirmed that you are already attending another wedding on the same day.
Post # 19
It’s HIS cousin so if he’s ok with missing it then it’s fine. I’m voting for friend’s wedding. Also from the wording of the text message, I would take it to mean that they have a low expectation of you coming anyway.
Post # 20
It sounds like his cousin’s wedding was very last minute, and it doesn’t sound to me like they expect you to come. They probably just wanted to invite you on the off chance that you could make it. I’d absolutely go to your friend’s wedding!
Post # 21
While I usually think family comes first before friends (in cases without special exceptions), I think that since you got word of this courthouse wedding on very short notice, and the drive is so far, you should decline. Tell your husband’s aunt/cousin that you would love to make it but because of the short notice you can’t change the plans you already do have. Stress that you are so excited to celebrate with them at Christmas and you wouldn’t miss that for the world. If your husband isn’t even close with his cousin I’m sure that response will be more than ok with them.
Post # 22
Absolutely go to the friend’s wedding. Even if the bride hasn’t given her final head count to the caterer, you have already RSVP-d and thus committed to being there. Technically, you aren’t actually invited to the cousin’s wedding anyways, you were invited by a TEXT to come to the “after-party” later that day. You can alwas send a card, gift, flowers or something if you are feeling badly about not attending and tell them you’ll make sure you are to celebrate with them at their reception when you’re home for Christmas.
Post # 23
Absolutely go to your friends wedding. But send a lovely card. And not just a hallmark card with ‘congrats’ scribbled in. Write an actual letter for the cousin talking about how sad you are that you can’t be there to celebrate with them, but you look forward to celebrating with them at Christmas time. They should understand. I gave my family 11 months notice for my wedding and still only 6/51 came. Most can’t travel due to age or illness, etc. but I received so many lovely notes from my older relatives. The ones that hurt were the ones that just came back with a “no” and no note, or that didn’t respond at all and I had to call their mothers to get their RSVPs.
Post # 24
Wow! I think this is the only time I have ever voted go to the friend’s wedding instead of the family one!
Post # 25
“B is going to the courthouse on August 10 and we are having a family party at our house after. If you guys can make it into town we would love if you came!”
The Aunt specified that if you could make it into town, that would be great. But you can’t, because you’ve already RSVP’d to this friends wedding. Easy peasy.
Post # 26
For me, this would not be an issue at all. I would find it excessively rude to decide not to go to your friend’s wedding after you have sent in the RSVP. You have committed so you should stick with it. The cousin’s wedding seems very informal anyway and it’s last minute plus the seven hour drive.
DH once committed us into going to one of his friend’s birthday parties three hours away. Two days before, he decided not to go. Boy did I get mad at him. Unless something terrible happens, I don’t believe that you should ever decide to skip out on something that you have committed to. He know understands.
Post # 27
Writing a letter is a lovely idea! Thank you!
Post # 28
TBH I don’t think it would be “excessively” rude at all. I think excessively rude is skipping the friend’s wedding for no reason and with no explanation. If it were my cousin I would probably go as I’m very close to my cousins. I think the friend would understand that it is a family member.
However, your other points do make sense. I guess it would be unlikely that they actually expect us to attend with such short notice and such a long drive.
Post # 29
Well, as you know with being on WB, some weddings are around $100-200+ pp so if the catering numbers have already been sent and you canceled on this couple, they are out $200-400. I think that’s rude. That’s my opinion.
Post # 30
They haven’t given their final numbers yet (as stated in my original post). If that were the case then I agree, it is rude and I wouldn’t have been considering backing out.
Post # 31
just commenting bc i voted for cousin BY MISTAKE i meant friend!! you have RSVP’d yes to the friend’s wedding and that’s the one i’d go to. since the cousin’s reception is thrown-together she will be expecting that ppl can’t make it