(Closed) Which would you choose, grad school/career or baby?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would go grad school. You can’t do much with just a BS in your field, and heaven forbid something should happen to your DH, you want to be able to make a higher income to take care of the baby.

It’s not that much longer for him to wait (and the whole reason the timeline is being pushed back is for him anyway). Maybe start TTC after you’re 75% done with your degree, but I would aim to have it before baby

Post # 17
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It sounds like you are making a huge sacrifice for your DH by spending 2 years in Iceland doing nothing towards YOUR goals. And then he wants you to sacrifice yet again just because he doesn’t want to be a certain age when you have a kid? I think you should do what you want this time. I also think it is wise to be set in your career and able to be financially independent should anything terrible happen. This is especially important if you have kids. 

Post # 18
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I have an MSW and am an LCSW in the US, so hey I can answer education questions!

 

I know that my undergrad BSW school offers an online distance MSW (http://nursing.und.edu/programs/msw-distance-foundation/index.cfm) but you’d probably find difficulty with any field placement for any MSW because it would have to be under someone with an MSW. If you found an online msw without a field placement, it’s not accredited by the CSWE  and you won’t be able to get licensed with it!

 

Baby-wise I don’t have any advice for you. I’d probably get to babymaking right now in the 2 years in iceland and then worry about school, but I’m baby crazy and you said that was not an option you’re pursuing. 🙂

Post # 19
Member
931 posts
Busy bee

I did both. I had a child when I was 25. Fast forward and met a wonderful man who wanted more children and I wanted my Masters. We compromised and I did grad school while pregnant and than took a year off with babe and finished this spring! <br /><br />Sometimes its not all or nothing….you could potentially do both. I ended up finding a job while off and I start tommorow!

Post # 20
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

When do you want to have a child?  You said your husband would be unhappy having a child at nearly 40… would you be happy having a child at 32?  Of course, note that he has already established a career (and likely already went at far with schooling as he wants)…

I agree with Fluffmallow completely.  

Post # 21
Member
859 posts
Busy bee

Grad school!  But we don’t want children and I love my career and wouldn’t give it up for anything. 

Also check out Edinboro university. Their program is online (and supposedly quite good) and I know several people getting their msw that way. Look into it! There are lots of options out there. 

Another option would be to stay behind and go to school. That would suck, but give it some serious consideration because (as awesome as Iceland would be) it may make the most sense and you would be finishing your degree at the same time your husband was coming home. It would be a sacrifice, but sometimes that’s the best way.

Post # 22
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

you will never regret having gone to grad school 🙂 2-4 yrs of masters/phd = much better job opportunity in longer run.

Achieve your personal goals first.  Things will follow naturally.

Post # 23
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
beetee123:  I know!!! It’s my nephew so he’s very special to me…but all it does is make me dream & imagine how my own baby would mean even more to me & be even more special…that’s what people say anyway,  so I can only imagine! 

Post # 24
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

Definitely school and job.

Post # 25
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m in law school now and have one year left. My husband and I are so ready to have a child but I don’t want to be very pregnant in school (I’m 28 and he is 34 btw). I really think it is a personal choice for you. I know many people say that you don’t go back to school after having been gone for awhile but…I graduated college, worked for five years, and then went to law school. Would it have been different had I had children? Maybe? But, there are so many programs that offer extended/online/night classes that I don’t think I would feel restricted. I just know that I am so looking forward to law school ending so that we can try for a baby. It would be very difficult if I knew I had three years left before TTC rather than less than one. 

Post # 26
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Starting a family has always been more important to me than a career. But, you have to think about what you want to accomplish in your life.

Post # 27
Member
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

View original reply
NYBeee123:  I think I would do a half and half type situation in your case. When you come back, complete your first year of grad school adn begin TTC a few months into your second year. Is there no way to complete an online MSW degree while you’re in Iceland? That would be the best case scenario if possible. I think it’s important to try and finish as much schooling as possible before kids if you have that option. 

Post # 28
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

View original reply
NYBeee123:  I know you’ve said that having a baby isn’t an option so I’m sure I’m just beating a dead horse but I did something very similar and we are TTC. Where I am, I couldn’t work because of visa issues so I’ve decided that having a baby while I basically have two years of free time was the best option for us. Now, having my baby will be completely free (socialized medicine, woohoo!), I know that I won’t have to send my baby immediately to daycare because I have that free time and when we get back to the states (next december!) — our baby can go to daycare and I can go to work and I’ll be able to get a job and won’t have to worry about taking time off to have a baby 🙂 Good luck in whatever you decide and honestly — how exciting! Iceland will be amazing. It looks beautiful!

Edit: I’ve read through all the other advice and you are getting some very good, mature and balanced advice! I agree that you are sacrificing a lot for your husband (as am I) and it IS important to put yourself first in some area. He is getting what he needs professionally — make sure your needs are being met as well. 

Post # 29
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If I were you, I would complete half of the master’s program before TTC. You are making a huge sacrifice going to Iceland and your DH needs to compromise and find a solution that you are both happy with. How big of a difference is one year in the scheme of things really?

As a side note, I have had several friends put off grad school to have kids… so far none of them have gone back to school and I don’t see it happening anytime soon. Some people do it successfully, I’ve just never met any of them! 

Post # 30
Member
47423 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

View original reply
NYBeee123:  Talk to people at the schools that offer online programs. We have nursing students doing clinical placements all over the world. I’m not saying that you can complete your whole Master’s in Iceland, but you’d be surprised what might be possible as far as field placements are concerned.

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