(Closed) While we're quoting statistics about age…

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Thank you.

Post # 4
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Four for you glen coco! Awesome post.

Post # 6
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Two of these apply to me, guess I better tell Fiance to call the whole thing off. *smh* Very interesting post!

Post # 7
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 1993

The way I see it! I have to options;

Stay together or get a divorce regardless of my age.

 Eta its nice to see some reliable stats on this, but in the end people are going to have their opinions made up about people in their 20’s getting married no matter what research says. 

Post # 8
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rachelmichelle:  Okay, I think you’re my WB girl-crush. I love that you not only used statistics but those from reliable sources. I’m a big stats nerd and love scientifically rigorous (hopefully) results!

As an encore bride in my 30s, it’s interesting to read the numbers and find myself in them. Ex-H and I lived together before getting married. I was 27 on our wedding day, but we had been together since I was 23. (You didn’t mention whether length of pre-wedding relationship mattered, but I wanted to throw that in there just in case.) He has a PhD while I have a Master’s. We did not come into the marriage with children of our own, nor did we have children together. We were both each other’s first marriages. 

A very interesting study. Thanks for the link!

Post # 9
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rachelmichelle:  Aren’t these things good to know though? I mean everyone is treating this information like -hurray! There is so many things that could go wrong that it doesn’t matter instead of, ok look in these certain situations this marriage is more likely to fail so we should be more aware of this factor on our marriage and watch it more diligently.

Post # 10
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Considering the divorce rate in general is 40-50%, and all of these rates (well most) seem to fall in that range it makes sense. Marriages end in divorce quite often. Sad but it does happen.

 

I think the reason so many bees say that younger marriages wont work is because you change so much from early 20s to late 20s,, it’s when you really find yourself.

 

In my instance when I was in my younger 20s marriage didn’t seem like a life long commitment, I didn’t care if I ended up divorced. I was wrong in that thinking and got just what I asked for, a divorce. While I was thrilled on my divorce date (the guy was a complete and total a-hole) the divorce in itself was aggrivating at best, and I didn’t realize or think about how I would look being in my early 20s and already divorced.

 

Anyways, now that I am a bit older and learned from that mistake, I know what not to do now. I know the kind of person I do want to spend the rest of my life with. And after many failed relationships, I know the kind of love that can make it through anything.

 

But not everyone is as crazy as I was in my early 20s, not everyone lacks common sense like I did. I do think some marriages will work out in their early 20s, not many but I don’t think many relationships in general will work out. I mean at my age a lot of people I know are starting to get married. Statistics say that every other one will end in divorce, so hopes aren’t looking good really for many of them.

 

But if nothing else (other than having a wonderful child) my previous relationship taught me, it’s how to have a good stable healthy relationship. How to find someone who compliments you and you compliment them and I’m very very very certain we wont be in the statistics for divorce. My last relationship I knew the relationship was doomed from the get go.

Post # 11
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Post # 12
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Don’t feel bad. Getting to ~30 before marriage doesn’t put you in some magical judgment-free zone.

“You’re waiting a year and a half to get married? At YOUR age?! If you don’t start manufacturing babies on your honeymoon, ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO HAVE DOWN’S SYNDROME!!” or “You know if you two don’t start soon, you may not be able to have kids at all! Tick tock.”

No matter who you are, haters gonna hate.

Post # 13
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@EffieTrinket:  Very true. Just me telling people I’m waiting until 30-35 to have another child they are saying “What if you can’t have babies by that time? You’re going to be a grandma mom” blah blah blah. Always an issue with everything.

 

I get the comments as well about going into my second marriage. If you consider the first a real marriage. But the only person I have to answer to is my Fiance and he and I are very confident in our relationship.

Post # 14
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Very interesting stats, thanks!

Post # 16
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Very well said. 

I too am tired of the ageist culture that rears its ugly head all the time on the Bee.

Yes, the statistics are not kind to young married couples but they are not kind to all sorts of couples, as your post eloquently points out. Yet it would be so rude of me to say to another bee that because she is an encore bride or cohabits with her Fiance, her marriage is more likely to end in divorce. I see no reason why it is less rude to point out divorce statistics to young brides.

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