(Closed) White dresses, uninvited guests, and guilt trips…I thought DW’s were easier??

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

“I can’t tell people who they can bring or what they can wear to my wedding.”

Um…yes you can. The hosts dictate the guest list, not the guests. Also- that friend can return her dress- “being a proper wedding guest 101 is that you don’t wear white-unless asked to!” You are not being unreasonable at all. Sorry that people are causing stress! 

Post # 4
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@MrsDulce:  The only reason I can think of for this girl to demand to be able to bring someone is that maybe she doesn’t want to travel alone? How far is the destination from where she’s at? It sucks to have to travel alone, pay for the full hotel room, etc. Will she know a lot of people there? Either way, she seems to be going about this the wrong way.

It IS you and your FI’s day and you can tell them if they can bring a guest or not. It sucks and is hard, but you and your fiance need to be comfortable and happy with whoever is coming!

ETA: Uh yeah and you can totally shut down the girl that wants to wear white! You just don’t DO THAT. It’s like wedding common sense 101.

Post # 6
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I avoided some of this by stating we were eloping but since some of our closest friends and family were upset we are going to make it a Destination Wedding with just the very closest family and friends.  

White dress on a guest! Now that is definite just to be a B! It is one of the most well known things about a wedding; only the bride can ware white! She will just look jealous and petty if she does, I think everyone is aware of this major don’t.

More like I would say. Well unless you are the bride or a wannabe I would advise you put a colored belt on that white dress you plan to ware. 

 

Post # 8
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You’re not the one being a bitch–that would be pretty much everyone else on the planet.  What kind of people are these?!  Inviting themselves?  Booking trips without an invite?  Bringing guests without an invite?  Wearing white???

Call the girl who is bringing a date and tell her that her date is not invited.  She may bring him on the trip if she likes but he is absolutely not invited to the ceremony or reception.  You are having a small wedding and have only invited close friends and family.  This man is neither.  This is your wedding–it’s not bitchy to refuse to accomodate an uninvited guest.

For the people who assume they are invited or get whiny when they were not invited, just say that the wedding is very small and you wish you could have invited everyone that you wanted to.

For the idiot woman wearing the white dress, someone else should get involved.  Tell a mutual friend about it and ask her to talk to her for you.  You can’t tell her what to wear but you can let her know that it’s inappropriate for her to wear a white dress to a wedding when she is not the bride.  I’d also consider sending her something like an emily post article or a dear abby column to show her how rude and inappropriate she is being and how bad that would make her look.

Post # 9
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

WHY do people want to wear white to a wedding? In my everyday life I hardly ever see someone dressed in white. But on the ONE occasion where it’s improper, people suddenly insist on wearing it. I DON’T GET IT!

Anyway, as someone who in the last couple of months bought two dresses from The Limited’s wedding dress sale–they were not expensive. The short ones were recently going for $30. So I’m not buying her claim that it was expensive unless she bought it a long time ago.

Post # 10
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We don’t have space for +1’s unless they are living together, but ours is a Destination Wedding too, and I totally get that people don’t want to travel as a single or alone to a Destination Wedding.  So what we are telling those without a +1 is that they are welcome to bring as many friends as they want to the destination, but we just don’t have space at the wedding for them, so they can party all weekend long aside from those couple of hours at the wedding.  If they’re still uncomfortable with that, then they’ll have to RSVP no. 

And for the girl wearing white, show her the etiquette book about the ONE color guests should NOT wear to a wedding.  She just wants attention.

Post # 11
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Okay, I am totally not usually sarcastic today-but I’ll go 2:2.   How about splashing a colored drink on the woman who insists she’s wearing a short white dress from the Limited Wedding line! ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Post # 12
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

First, I don’t think you are being irrational or a B or anything.  This stuff scares the crap out of me!!!  I am also having a destination wedding and trying to keep it to 40 but it will more likely end up as 50 due to some of these same things.  I haven’t gotten and bad attitudes or people writing in a date but I only just sent save the dates (with rsvp info).  I have to say that the girl wearing the white dress is ridiculous-don’t worry about it too much though because you WILL look better and she will just look like a tactless, classless fool.  I can promise that.  The chick that brought an offensive date before scares me a bit but I assume that she is a close friend or she wouldn’t have been invited-if she is just talk to her and ask about this dude she is bringing.  Try to meet him ahead of time and if there is conflict DO NOT have any problem disinviting them.  You should not have to worry on your wedding day.  

I am trying to prepare for the “where’s my invite” questions.  When trying to keep it small there is no choice but to cut someone out.  For me it is certain friends and maybe even my aunt and cousins.  I had to make decisions based on who was the closest to me and FI-who has spent the most time with us, who is the most supportive of us?  When these questions come I am hoping to come back with “Unfortunately our venue is reserved for 40 and that was booked by most of our family but we are hoping to have a celebration with everyone later on”.  Even if the later party isn’t going to happen.  

Post # 14
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Who are these people?! Seriously…who wears a white dress to a wedding when you’re NOT the bride? It’s really nice that she changed it up a bit though.

And the +1 girl…wouldn’t it just be nice if we didn’t always have to deal with them? We all have a friend like that and I just wonder how on earth that happened haha. I’m sure it’ll all work out just peachy ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My friend and hairdresser (who did all of our hair on my wedding day) was also a guest at our wedding. She turned up at the ceremony wearing a white dress…. what the? What is wrong with people??!! Utterly disrespectful and to be honest I’ve never looked at her in a good light again.

It’s obviously upsetting you a lot and you have every right to be upset, it’s YOUR special day, not hers. Imo I’d be asking her to reconsider wearing her dress or tell her not to come. She doesn’t seem to care less about your feelings.

With the uninvited, we really all do have problems with people like that. We had problems with people who RSVP’d and then didn’t turn up!! All six of them!  Maybe just try to let it slide and don’t give them the attention that they’re obviously seeking. Focus on eachother and you’ll have the most magical day ever:)

 

Post # 16
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

There are some people that no matter what want to push buttons. Your friend that wants to  wear a dress that she got in a wedding sale is one of them. I think your best bet is to be really direct with her and say that its rude for people to wear white anything  close to white to a wedding. You can kind of play it off like, ” a lot of people don’t know that but people will look at you funny so don’t do it.” 

As for the second girl you should really be direct with her. If she showed poor judgment about the company she keeps and interacts with people that use slurs loosely then I’d have no problem bringing that up to her like, “The las time you brought a date he called my husband an N-word. You need to make sure this date doesn’t do anything remotely close to that or you and he will be asked to leave. 

Don’t beat around the bush with these people. Be direct. I can’t think of anything worse than someone insulting my Fiance on my wedding day. 

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